What would you want your friend to tell you?

My best friend cuts herself. I'm the only one she really talks to. She's always said she doesn't really truly want to cut and knows she shouldn't. But she can't seem to stop. She says its the only thing that relaxes her and nothing makes her happy. Last night she told me that she's been using a razor to cut her wrists instead of a knife. She told me how she wanted to see how deep she could go and hit a vein. But she told me that I'm the only reason stopping her from going deeper. This really worries me to the point where I was up all night crying about it. She's my best friend and I can't afford to lose her. She knows this. But I decided I want to write her a letter. Telling her about how much she's worth and how much she means to me and so many other people. So if anyone could tell you anything to make you stop cutting or at least not want to cut as much or help in any way possible, what would it be? What would make you stop cutting?

Firstly I'd like to say I hope you and your friend are okay at the moment. I have cut before, but not to the extent that it sounds like your friend has, but I think what would help me is just knowing that there are people who legitimately care about me. Just let her know you care and that you don't want to see her hurt. She has told you your the only reason she isn't cutting any deeper, so I think your support must be very important to her.

Has she been seeing a councellor at all or any kind of psychologist or psychiatrist? That could be helpful for her if you suggested it to her or even if you told it to someone like a school councellor if someone like that is known to you. At the same time, I understand that you might not want to do that, or that she might not want to talk to anyone else, but it is probably important that someone else knows.

Keep looking after your friend, and help her look after herself.

Best wishes.

I am sorry that your friend is having such a hard time,and also that you are so worried about her.

When I talked to my friends, it was always helpful to here that they cared, that what I was doing was effecting the people around me an not just myself. For many self-harmers, there is all ready a sense of guilt and shame over their actions, so it may help to talk to her about it not being a weakness or an inherent problem with her, rather we all have our demons and this is hers. Talk to her about asking for help, about how brave that move can be, and how no one will blame her, they just want her to get better. Maybe try to figure out the reason behind her cutting, that often is the first step to recovery. There is a great thread on here about different reasons that people cut and self-harm, if you would like to check that out.

The most important thing is for her to know that you care, that you support her, and that she is a good, worthy person (which I'm sure she is to have a friend as supporting as you. )

I agree it is important to be supportive to your friend but they are putting an awful lot of responsibility on you and I think it is important you try to diffuse that as it is not fair on you. It is really important you encourage them to seek help from a professional. This is the main thing I would suggest. I know you want to be there for your friend and you can be but not as a professional to hold the responsibility for their safety. That is not fair on you.

Cracked

i would want to hear: you are my friend and i will alwas love you but im scared i dont want you to hurt yourself because what if an axident were to happen and then i would be left with out you. I know there dosnt seems like anouther option or a way out but i want you to know im hear for you. Im not demanding you stop as i know it would be alot for you but i want you to be safe and happy. i miss seeing you happy. maybe we can find somthing to do together somthing to try and help you stop hurtting your self. i just want you to know im worried but i will alwas be hear for you when ever you need me.

I agree with everyone. I think it is most important to not put this on your shoulders. You can support her but she needs to find the strength from within. Maybe encourage her to seek therapy or even just come to the forum and get some help, for starters. I think she needs to see a professional and as a friend I think you can tell her this.

Besides that I think, if it were me, I would not want to feel judged, and want to feel that you accept me for who I am regardless of this. I think I would want reassurance that I while you might not understand what I am going through, you understand it is painful. Now that said, I haven't been able to tell anyone but people here and my T, so I think she is already very brave for telling you.

Keep yourselves safe,
Sam

Thanks everyone. I wrote her a really long letter telling her how much everyone cares about her and loves her and that I hate that she hurts herself and it scares me but I'm going to be there for her no matter what. I also added in a lot of personal things between us and some things she's told me while she's wanting to cut. When she read it she realized a lot of things and decided that she wanted to stop. She didn't even remember the things she told me and it scared her. So that all worked out how I hoped it would.
However, last night her mom found the letter and read it. She got her phone taken away. Which pisses me off so much because that's our main line of communication and she says she feels so lonely when we don't talk. And her mom is mad at her for cutting rather than wanting to get her help. But this is the second time her mom has found out. While I feel completely horrible for her mom finding the letter, maybe this will be the turning point and she can get the help she needs. So thank you everyone for your advice.

Well done for all the support you have offered. I think now is the time to sit back and let her parents handle it. Of course still be there as a friend but it seems like she needs someone to take charge and get her help.

Cracked

Hopefully you are right cracked... I am a little bit worried with the punishment approach that has been taken.

I hope I am right too. But a single friend cannot be expected to bear the responsibility of this as it is not fair on them. It is important that professional help becomes involved and I hope that parents can do that.

Cracked