Feeling Numb

Im not usually the type of person type of person to talk about how I feel I can never find the words. I put up so many walls and barriers to stop my self getting hurt emotionally and physically and I don’t know how to take them down. But the times when I can find the words and can find a gap in my barriers No one ever wants to listen. I go out of my way to make everyone around me happy I take peoples abuse, listen to their problems and help them figure out what to do. Id rather take pain so that others don’t have to. I think I care too much for the people around me. But can you care too much?? I can’t let other people be put down or depressed but I’m starting to think my “friends” don’t really care how I feel and how I’m doing. I give and I give everything I have My "friends" are all I have but it seems like I’m just there to be the shoulder to cry on, and be the wisdom and guidance they all want although it hurts that, that might be the only reason they stick around I can deal with that because I love to help people and make people smile when there sad.

Everyone puts pressure on me to be a “role model” and set the example because I have “leader potential” what is that even ment to mean?? What do they want me to do?? Because I can’t be perfect if that’s what they want that’s not who I am.

I wouldn’t say my life’s is terrible because I’ve been copying with the odd outburst where my emotions just seem to get the better of me Lately I've been feeling kind of numb and not feeling nothing, I feel so empty an I know exactly where these road leads to. I haven’t cut my self for a while now but I’ve come so close recently coz of numerous reasons but it’s getting too hard to cope.

I don’t know what to do I don’t really want to start cutting again because it will get hard to hide and then I’ll think out side the box and it will get worse. Plus with the job I do and the uniform i wear i don't know id hide it too well. I just don’t know what to do anymore I just want to give up maybe that’s the best option this time coz I’m tired of going through this its do draining and just leaves me depleted after with even lower self esteem than before.

The spiral begins!

It might be worth looking at the alternatives to cutting. Is there anything you enjoy doing?

I've tried alternatives from crushing ice in my had drawing on my self with a red marker to emulate cutting but it doesn't seem to work. I don't actually remember anything I like at the moment I cant think straight to even try and remember

Try to stay calm if you can. Take deep breaths. Could you try to listen to some calming music perhaps. I identify with you not being able to think straight. You say there are lots of people draining your energy right well if you cut what will that change? It might make you feel better for this instance but those people are still gonna be on your back. Do they deserve to get the better of you?

-- Sun Aug 28, 2011 11:25 pm --

"I give and I give everything I have My "friends" are all I have but it seems like I’m just there to be the shoulder to cry on".

Hey everyone deserves a break. Put yourself first for a while. Try to do something even something small for yourself and stuff the lot of them. If they dont understand your feelings then they're not worth bothering with. I'm not too good on the emotion stuff but want to try to help you.

-- Sun Aug 28, 2011 11:30 pm --

"I can’t be perfect if that’s what they want that’s not who I am."

Who is and would you really want to be. Hell what a boring life that would be.

Cutting will relax me and calm me down help me feel normal in a sort of way. I don't really see it as them getting the better of me because they may be part of the reason but the choice is always mine to make whether to do it or not and right now im so close to doing it because i don't have the energy to fight the urge anymore *sigh*

Im starting to try and do that but its not going to well, its not really me to be in the spot light whether its only my spot light or anyone else. Im terrible at this emotional stuff i normally would just keep how im feeling bottled up and hidden away. But i appreciate all your help

Hi,

Please try not to cut if you can manage it as it sounds like you have been doing well. It sounds like it is time for you to put yourself first for once. We can get into this place where we give and give and give but forget about ourselves. Can you think of something nice to do for yourself? Please keep safe and keep posting.

Cracked

I know how you feel with the friends thing, there was a point when I felt like all i ever was to my friends was an ear to listen, no one ever asked how i was. It was like a foreign concept or something.

And i know its hard to fight the urge, to fight that constant itch beneath your skin, but you can do it. You can if you try, it is possible. If you feel like its too much, throw away all of your sharp objects, or at least hide them away somewhere you wouldn't want to go.


You could try snapping a rubberband against your wrist. I know its not the same, but at least its better than the real thing.

Wish i could help more, please let us know how you're doing.