confessions...*Triggering*

I had a love that cut herself. It made me feel so helpless to simply stand there and not be able to do anything. She would call me crying after she was finished. I'd have to beg her to clean herself up. I began to obsess about her cutting. At one point i got so angry i did it to myself. My left forearm. They were very shallow, more like deep scratches than anything. But i felt it burn and i could understand the addicting that others felt. I never did it again but i kept the knife i used for a week before i got rid of it. I'm very ashamed of what i did. I just wanted to express that memory and be able to talk about it with people who understand and have been there before.

Well done for posting. I am sorry you went through that experience and glad you got rid of the knife. I am glad you have found the forum, you will find many ppl iistening and understanding what you have been through. Please dont do it again as cutting can be very addictive. As for your ex it sounds like she was manipulating you to a degree. Keep safe and keep posting

Cracked

I was angry and i wanted to understand. It only took me one time to figure it out. I didn't want to do it again yet i could feel my body wanting more of it. This was quite a long time ago... But i never talked about it "out loud" so to speak.

Well you have made a big step by talking about it here.

Cracked

Thank you Cracked, I have felt a lot better since posting. Before i did i would cringe and avoid any sort of reminder of cutting. Now i feel like i can talk about it more easily. I can actually face what happened to me and what i did because of it. That little bit i was keeping from myself was holding me back. I didn't realize how much until now.

I am so glad. We are always here. Keep safe

Cracked