landed myself in the hospital...

MAY BE TRIGGERING

Saturday night I was feeling really #######5 and to sum things up, I cut and my leg was bleeding a lot.

I was worried because it was the deepest I'd ever gone, so I told my mom. She took me to the hospital, where they fixed up my leg and questioned me and gave me a tetanus shot. I told them that I felt like I had to do it again, (I didn't want to lie).

So I had three options:
1) Be admitted to the psych ward for a night or two
2) Stay overnight in the ER
3) Go home to sleep, but come back right away in the morning to talk to a Crisis Team.

The nurse said that the psych ward was having safety issues, and I'm a pretty small person, and I could get hurt there. So, we decided on option #2, however, the nurse later told us that there weren't enough beds. So in the end, I went home to sleep.

At 8 AM in the morning, I went back and talked to a lady from the hospital's Crisis Team. We decided to do three things:

1) Get my medication changed
2) Organize a family therapy session
and
3) If the problem persists, then there is a treatment program at this hospital about 20 minutes away that I could go to...

Anyway, after all that, I'm just really scared cause for two or three days straight I've had to listen to myself talk about how screwed up I am and I'm just so sick of it. I feel like I'm in so deep.

Dear Invayne,
I'm very sorry to hear how life has turned its back on somone like you. While reading your post I had realized that you're someone who feels depressed about things and resorts to harming yourself. Although the choice of hurting ones' self to reduce emmotional pain is a common yet dumb way of dealing with depression, a majority of depressed people have overcome this dumb way of dealing with thier depression and decided to speak to somone. I give you great respect for notifying your parents about your situation and going through available options to treat yourself. You've already made a good start by submitting a post in this forum (good work!). I want to try my best to provide you with some advice that could potencially assist you with your difficult momments and make your life alot more worth living. When you're feeling down and depressed there are normally certain aspects of your personal life and mental processing which makes you feel down. When you're feeling depressed are you listening to sad/depressing music (simple plan, taking back sunday etc)? Is there specific things in your personal life such as: dating, parents, school, friends etc that may be making you feel down? If you're constantly feeling down because of some of these aspects of your life consider doing or working with somthing that is putting you down. This could be: catching up on school work or doing somthing that you feel should be done, having fun with your friends/family, playing a fun game, reading jokes and/or try thinking of times when you weren't feeling depressed. By engaging in activities which you did before you were depressed can really enable you to see how you became depressed (thoughts, friends, relationship status etc). If you liked to read jokes before you were depressed then try doing that again. At first it may feel dumb, but after a while you will begin to adjust and enjoy doing old activities. I certainly hope some of this information that I have provided helped. Please read this over and over if you need to to understand and expand on my thoughts to create your own thoughts and feelings on your situation on how you can change yourself.

Dr JMF,

Thank you for replying to my post, however self-injury is not just a "dumb way to deal with depression". I realise its only digging my hole deeper, but I don't need to be reminded of that so insensitivly.

As for the tips you gave me, some of them are helpful at times but I've been dealing with this for a year or so, and if it were that easy than I wouldn't still have a problem.

But thank you anyway...I hope I don't sound too uptight I'm just really tired haha

Heather,

I like to look at the positive side of things. What you did to your leg has brought you out of hiding what you do and it will hopefully get you to a place where you can get some help.

About 7 yrs ago I used to SI...sometimes to the point of needing medical attention. While I didn't like it I was forced to take a good long, hard look at what I was really doing to myself. Doint that brought about change and I was then ready to work seriously on stopping SI'ing.

I had to learn new healthy ways of coping with difficult or upsetting issues...even what not to do when bored...or when I felt that no one cared about me. I had to face a lot of difficult issues but it was worth it all down the road.

I haven't SI'd in a good 7 yrs now. The only time I even think about it is when I try to reah out to others, such as yourself. I do hope you will be able to find a good source of help.

Please keep us updated on how you are doing, ok? You are important and cared about!
Kathy

Hi Heather,
I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but I'm glad that you are finally gonna get the help that you need. I'm here for you if and when you need to talk. I feel some of the same pain that you do. i think i'm getting better though. And for that, I'm very excited. I hope you can have the same success!!

*hugs* and like I said before, I'm here for you!

I'm glad you didn't have to spend the night in the psych ward. I've always been scared of that. But if you ever do, I'm sure you'll be fine.

~element

Thanks element! Same goes for you too.