Broke my streak TW

Im so annoyed with myself for giving in. I was at almost a month again with cutting. I just needed to feel some kind of relief and nothing else was working. I managed to keep it superficial tho which i suppose is a good thing.
I have made it to 17 months before so i know i can do it again, things are just hard atm. I just feel like a failure again

willow

Hugs!

And nope, nope- you're not a failure! I won't hear of that. Every day without SH is not a failure. Just have to dust yourself off and do it again, that's all. You've managed 17 months before, you can do it again.

And see? you were sensible, and kept it superficial. You can do this, we have faith in you.

Thanks so much!

I know youre right i just need to try again

willow

Well that's all you can do! And that's the most important part, as you already know. But it's nice to be reminded of it by others! Dust off, and start again. Every day without SH is the potential for passing the previously longest streak.

I did some (very light almost inconsequential) burning other day- two, three weeks ago- not even sure. First time in a long time I'd intentionally started to burn myself, and if I hadn't had someone walk in on me I might have made a better go at it. I'm a hitter/burner, btw.

Anyway I haven't given it much thought- and if I'd actually done a decent job of burning myself, really the only worry would be 'am I going to heal on my own' as well as a little healthy self-horror at what I'd done. I've never counted days, never saw myself as having to achieve a number as far as SH free days go. Once I'd got out of the habit of doing it nearly every other day, if I slip, as long as it's not severe, well I slipped and I'd better not do it again on account of I can't afford to make a habit out of it again, and I move on.

Hey, Thank you.

Yeh, i know what youre saying. I just need to look at is as a blip and move on.

Bit of a pep talk for me and anyone else who may need it.

I gave in tonight again but today was tough so im not going to beat myself up over it.

We all have slip ups and that doesnt mean we have failed. Relapse is a part of recovery. I am still a strong person and i dont deserve to hurt myself. Feeling sad/angry is ok, it doesnt make me weak.
Everyday is a new day and a new opportunity to start fresh.

We got this!

willow

The worst I've ever felt towards myself with a relapse, is mild irritation. It's not worth any more, unless I were, say, to really hurt myself bad. Most of the time that's not the case. I'm too sensible to give myself a severe burn.

You know, it is what it is, and it can be terribly addictive, and actually looking back I think when I was doing it at work (which was my biggest trigger, and I worked with heated tools, so it's like, well the opportunity was always around), once I got out of the near-daily habit, when I DID relapse, I would often do it a time or three, then get myself back on track. So it a) doesn't surprise me if you did it a second time in quick succession; and b) doesn't worry me, either. you'll get back on track.

I think sometimes we just have to work a little angst out and then we get back on the horse. The important thing is that the 'trigger bar' to doing it is set higher and higher with the passage of time. Heck, for a while I'd do it at work just as a pick-me-up, if my tail was dragging. Now that's just insane. It'd take rather more now- not that I don't get tempted. Just this thread has made me miss it- but that's okay I know better than to do it. I have every confidence you'll power thru this although you may hit a few bumps. You've proved you can get by without it, you got this!

I've been known to do it for a bit of a pick me up too.

Thank you so much! I am feeling stronger today. The thoughts are there but I feel like I can get thru it. Having somewhere to vent and talk things thru really helps so thank you again!

Willow