dealing with stress and cutting god daughter, want to cut

I have a history of SI though no acts in a decade. god daughter 15 has severe cutting issues.
have been dealing with her relapse and now significant life stress and finding it very triggering.
worst I've been in years. she only cuts on one arm that I am aware of but after a long break she has started again. her issues stem from emotionally neglectful mother, made worse by being sent to boarding school where she has been unable to make any friends.

I have talked to her about my history and coping methods and we are making progress for her. she feels she can talk to me more openly than with others but it is bringing up old memories.

recently I am under acute stress to the point of SI and suicidal thoughts that stop me from sleeping for hours on end. going to see shrink about these in the morning but that is only an emergency appointment to deal with the acute nature of things and the fact that medication is not helping my general state.

looking for advice on how to help god daughter without neglecting my self in the process.

Hello SunburntSmurf,
I am no therapist or in any way have expertise or vast experience on the subject, but I'll try to chime in with my 2 cents.

I guess one way to avoid being dragged back into that past path of yours might be to lean on her like she is into you, share your current stressors and issues with her and strive to stay clean as she also is. Kinda like in support groups where everyone tries to pull everyone else up, so vice-versa also happens. On the other hand, while it could be helpful for her to see that you have your own struggles and manage to stay strong, it could be extra stress on her shoulders that might drive her deeper into her issues. Honestly, I figure it's hard to help someone with something you also struggle with without also being the person being helped in turn, like "And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."

I can also suggest that you keep using this forum to vent and seek support from the community to help ease the burden, without subjecting her to it. On that vein, feel free to share your worries if you feel like it will help.

Other that that I'm afraid I can't be of further help (if this was any to begin with). Good luck and to her as well!

well I went to my shrink and community mental health (part of the local hospital).
shrink doubled my Seroquel to include a lunch time dose with the option of a morning dose as well. as far as I'm concerned it's a stop gap measure but the best I have at the moment.
Community mental health suggested a clean break with my God Daughter, not an option as far as I'm concerned as she has so few people to actually support her as it is.
I was surprised that they would be so harsh as to want me to cut off someone who depends on me for something no-one else can give. though others may be able to care, none have walked a mile in those shoes.
I'm doing better in general but we (health team) are making plans to make it easier to get me into the psych ward if things get worse again. I'm not sure that I need it at the moment but it's better to have a fall back plan.

theonlyredsmurf wrote:I was surprised that they would be so harsh as to want me to cut off someone who depends on me for something no-one else can give. though others may be able to care, none have walked a mile in those shoes.

She ain't their patient. You are.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not suggesting you cut off contact with her, either. I have a goddaughter. But from their point of view yeah, they're trying to get you better, that's what they're gonna tell you, I'm sure.

Glad to hear about the backup plan. And yeah.. well sometimes you make do with what you have, stop-gap or not.

Gosh no SI acts in a decade? If you DO slip.. it's still going to be something to be proud of. I sure can't say that, not since I really began self harm in earnest. But it does give you something to lean on, it proves you're pretty darn strong. I have faith in you to stay safe.

She ain't their patient. You are.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not suggesting you cut off contact with her, either. I have a goddaughter. But from their point of view yeah, they're trying to get you better, that's what they're gonna tell you, I'm sure.

Ditto. And good on you for sticking up for her, having someone on your life who relies on you can be a way to stay grounded on staying healthy and functional in my opinion.

It's good to have a back-up plan, but it would be better to have a front-up plan that does not involve cutting her off. And going into the psych ward may be a little harder on her as she will certainly feel for you, and it will make contact between you two a bit harder. So I say keep focusing on getting those sleep hours back on and preserving your mental health, for both your sakes. Overall glad to hear that you are doing better (and sorry for the late response), and feel free to keep updating us on your situation, we're glad to hear and gladder to help!

I sure can't say that, not since I really began self harm in earnest. But it does give you something to lean on, it proves you're pretty darn strong. I have faith in you to stay safe.

Again, ditto. Don't worry about slip-ups, we all make mistakes one time or another, you have already demonstrated the spirit it takes to resist the urge, that's not something that goes away with a single SH session . And best wishes to Snaga as well, don't know too much about your particular situation (apart from what can be pieced together from posts here and there) but I can at least identify with not stopping yet.

I don't regularly self-harm (burn), but I don't beat myself up over it, if I happen to, unless I burn bad. Most of the time I manage to hold off doing it until the urge passes. I'm at a point where I sometimes want to, but the idea of just another scar isn't appealing, either. It still feels wonderful, of course, but I'm like eh, is it worth it?