A moment of weakness...

So, I haven't self harmed in more than 10 years. Until yesterday.

I was all over the place after writing things down about the past, but even more so after reading it back. It was as if a child wrote it.

I was holding it together all day for my kids.

When my husband got back, I got ready for work. Clipped my toenails and clipped a chunk off of my thumb.... Just like that. It happened in an instant and I was so angry at myself afterwards. What was I thinking? Was I thinking?

But this time I did something I haven't done before. I confided in a friend. I'm hopeful that it won't happen again but I'm not confident because of how quick it happened yesterday.
I feel loads better today though.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Hey,

It's been nearly a year since I self harmed. And to be honest, I don't think the feelings towards it ever change, we just get stronger in denying ourselves it. I even now, when I see broken glass, suddenly get an urge to do it and have to fight with myself not to. in 10 years time I hope to be like you and that I can say it's been that long that I haven't given in. Don't focus on that one little blip that happened yesterday and focus on the fact you've gone 10 years without doing it... which is amazing!! In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't mean you will continue to do it. You've been strong enough to tell a friend, something I still cannot do! Which is the first big step. So you should be proud of yourself!

I don't count time between self-harming... I'm proud that I rarely do, any more, but I don't kick myself too hard, when I give in to temptation. I think ten years is something to be very proud of, but I don't think you have to feel bad that you slipped, either. You know you can go long times without doing it- you can do another ten. Hugs!