Hardcore

hi all!

It goes without saying that if you have been around the forums for more than a week. You know hardcore.

I have been asked by many about him, where is he, how he is and I could I contact him somehow?

Many members of this forum are close, like family and this forum generates its own energy. Everyone gets concerned when a friend online "disappears".

I want you all to hear me out on this: there could be many reasons why he is not here, first:

1. PC fry'd

2. He was in therapy, and he like many others here can be emotional. So maybe he just took a break? He always talks from his heart, and so if he is doing something different right now, please have faith that this is a personal choice. Respect him for that.

3. He is healing, I know he would not want people to get upset,
especially if he is off enjoying his LIFE. We all know the struggles he sometimes had, and his friends and such know how serious his therapy was.

4. I dont think he is hurt, physically, or emotionally by anyone here.
So it is NO ONE's FAULT that he is gone.

Let's give him some time. Unconditional love is something that is very foreign to us or we would not do and feel and think the way we do. Unconditional love is hoping he is doing well and free and if he comes back, he will. If he does not, he is free to live his life that is BEST for HIM.

I know the feeling, not knowing. But he is a grown Man who has his own path.

Unconditional love is what he needs. Please give it to him. He has given it to many of you. I will leave it at this for the time being.

I will say it: We love and care about you hardcore. We all miss you.

So if any of you see him, or if he sees this..... POST HERE PLEASE!

peace,
red

Hardcore, we miss you. Hope you come back soon.
You'll find love and understanding here

Ditto man, and when you're back let us know what happened in the off time - catching up is always good.

Miss you loads 'core.

Hope everything is ok with you hun

Thinking of you ((((((((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))))))

Love you loads hun, Mad xxxxx

Hello from Peter!!!!

I have been in contact with him and he is doing well, just very
busy with daily life stuff, and he sends his love and caring to all of us here.

He misses everyone, and has just been very busy helping his family with things that have popped up.

So see he is alright and it is no ones fault that he is gone.

He said he might try and get on later and give a shout out to everyone, but gave me permission to post this.

He sounded really good.

love,
red

YAY

I have to say i am blown away after reading this thread....seeing all the nice and kind words from everyone is something i desparetaly needed right now......I fel i owe an explanation to you all.....well, over the past week or so, i have been deply entangled with serious financial,family, and personal issues.....the worst being i am still not out of the woods dealing with the issue of possibly losing my home, i have a family member who is so mean and hateful, he made it his mission in life to destroy me and see me out on the stret homeless. As you all know, i am not one to throw in the towel easily....so the losing my house thing is still a problem, and a daily fight, as well as a source of unbelievable stress, and anxiety.....(i havn't eaten, slept, or had peace for 2 weeks now. To add to the situation....i have been also consumed with dealing carefully with the issue of my suicidal neighbor....who i have had no choice but to have to be with him almost 24/7....it is a complex, and difficult situation, and is taking everything i have to keep this poor man alive, and safe. So what is usually something i handle on the site here.....it has been right in my house, and is testing the limits of my endurance, crisis response skills, and my own inner demons as well....the toughest most dangerous and delicate intervention i have ever faced EVER, especially, due to the fact his history, and experiences are SO close to my own, i have to fight with every ounce of my being to help him.....no warning/triger titles here, just basically my own worst fears, walking and talking right in my home....as i fight to keep it, and restore my life to a reasonable state. Thank you all, every single one o you.....u need to know i have missed you all, and wud never dissapear on you. It is impossible to explain the level of stress, and sufering i am going thru, everything just came apart all at once....i had to raise (still trying) 2000 dollars to pay overdue property taxes, as the town put a lein on my home, and thus negated my mortgage contract. As this went on, there was a 48 hour suic. intervention i handled alone, with the subject being the incarnation of my horrible past, and reviving memories of my own i had repressed since age 4....So, in a nutshell, it was a double whammy....keep this man alive, while fighting for my sanity...this was a 48 hour thing, literally 2 days non stop, no breaks, and so exausting i had a breakdown, and had to hide it. Meanwhile, my diag. has been changed....dr. m. said i was the worst case of PTSD he ever has seen, made perfect sense too, as my "hypervigilance" was explained at last, and was immediately brought straight to my MD. , and he went with me. I guess cause he saw i was moments from an utter mentdown, and deemed dangerous to society, and myself. Meds were changed, and to my horror, both dr's cried when they realized the extent of my suffering, and how long iv'e carried it. So, now i am finally putting the pieces together of the past...one so terrible and scary that i had literally pretended it didnt happen.....the beatings , the sexual abuse, the endless degradation and verbal assault, and finding out the whole family knew it all, but it was easier to confine me in a room with no posessions, clothes, and literally treated as an animal....it was real. The reason for my "vague" past was due to the severe head trauma i recieved from years of being beaten so badly i was unable to walk, sometimes for weeks. Grandfather's brain tumor made him turn from a loving man, to a nightmarish, hate machine....i always have believed me to be worthless, and subhuman as i was told this in many forms....due to it was my fault my mom was in an institution...i NEVER knew it was all real. IT WAS REAL. ill have to do another post to get the details out....as i am now only about 45 percent into the truth of my past....the latest flashback was real....how could another human being hand a 6 yr old a loaded pistol, and and tell me to put it in my mouth, and pull the triggr...? As i was taking it, he reminded me this...."that bullet cost 50 cents, which is more than u deserve, but the sight of you is just too sickening to bear, u dont deserve to exist, and are a waste of air, and your mother is sick because she cant come home while you still waste space and are worthless, and nothing will ever justify your existence, " i gitta stop a sec, this is a fight i am not winning so far....the stuff did to me was unspeakable, and i am re living every damn second of it now. someone has to know.....and i thank all you guys for thinking of me.....i am so overwhelmed with emotion from those posts....just have to breathe for a min.will continue in a new post. thank you all, i love you, and im not just saying that lightly, i never knew i materred, red, sean, MM, jasmin, puma, everyone here....thank you.

'Core


((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((biggest hug ever!!!))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

We're so happy to have you here, hardcore

Welcome back, Hardcore,
I'm glad you are okay ( if trying not to lose your house, while saving a friend from suicide, and manning a suicide hotline, and all that while peeling back the layers of ancient abuse inflicted upon you as a little kid, could qualify as okay.)
Shedding light on the horrific traumas of the past will be like going in that room where that little boy is cowering, and gathering him up in your adult manly arms, and carrying him out into safety and love. You will be able to merge as one now, complete and safe in the here and now.
What a lot of guts and generosity you have. My only suggestion is to not add any more stuff to your plate now. Try to pace yourself. Try to get proper rest, so that you have the strength to deal with things.