Stress and self cutting

its been the 15 time ive been cutting myself over the 8 years. Im very bad with introductions
I just need help relieving stress. Lately the mother has been forcing me to go to church again even though im 19. She ignores my pleas for me to stay home despite the ultra loud music there. and she keeps saying that i have demons in me. Its very uncomfortable to be forced to go there. even though she had done it for 5 years. ignoring the pleas from the social worker. This brings back a lot of memories as i have been cutting my shoulders non stop. Causes pain to both the physical and mental mind as she'[s trying to change who i am for her own needs. Currently a college student getting A's in classes. Even threatened to cut off financial support.

One thing I've always hated is people who think they need to force another person to "be more righteous." It's a horrible thing to say that you have demons in you, that's obviously not true. A church should not be a place where you have to feel uncomfortable. You should go, or not go, by your own choice, and you are old enough to make your own choices.

Personally I wouldn't allow my parents to try and change me, not that they would but that's not helpful for anyone. If they wanted to cut me off then so be it, if they won't support me I will find another way. I can be very stubborn though.... No one tells this girl what to do.

One thing I like to do to relieve stress, other than sh, is drawing and painting. I don't often have the energy to but it is therapeutic. I take a lot of hot baths to relax and I do things to make my dogs happy like playing with them and taking them on walks because it makes me happy. I don't like to think of them as replacements for sh because that might make them negative, restricting. They should be things that I enjoy and want to do often, and that way I am less stressed and have less reason to sh. I don't know if that's how it would work for other people... Maybe I'm just weird like that.

But there has to be something you enjoy and makes you calm and relaxed, or burns those negative thoughts and stress away. Exercise, art, writing, building things, reading, keeping animals, babysitting, cooking/baking, gaming, music, working with computers, collecting, etc. could be something you already enjoy or a new hobby you want to try out. Do you have something like that?

Palmetto720 wrote:its been the 15 time ive been cutting myself over the 8 years. Im very bad with introductions
I just need help relieving stress. Lately the mother has been forcing me to go to church again even though im 19. She ignores my pleas for me to stay home despite the ultra loud music there. and she keeps saying that i have demons in me. Its very uncomfortable to be forced to go there. even though she had done it for 5 years. ignoring the pleas from the social worker. This brings back a lot of memories as i have been cutting my shoulders non stop. Causes pain to both the physical and mental mind as she'[s trying to change who i am for her own needs. Currently a college student getting A's in classes. Even threatened to cut off financial support.

hi

Sorry to hear you are having to deal with this. The thing which I thought when reading this was whether it was something you think you could do to point blank say no to her. It sounds like she is causing you a lot of stress and difficulties and I think that it almost sounds bullying. Standing up to a bully is a good thing to do and I was wondering whether you think that is something you think you might be able to do? I understand it might be difficult tho - especially if financial support is an issue. Is there any scope for decreasing contact etc with her and sorting finances in another way - eg student loan or part time work? It just sounds to me that saying things like you have demons in you is not helpful at all and is pretty cruel.

Sending hugs

Cracked

Caitjinoy wrote:One thing I've always hated is people who think they need to force another person to "be more righteous." It's a horrible thing to say that you have demons in you, that's obviously not true. A church should not be a place where you have to feel uncomfortable. You should go, or not go, by your own choice, and you are old enough to make your own choices.

Personally I wouldn't allow my parents to try and change me, not that they would but that's not helpful for anyone. If they wanted to cut me off then so be it, if they won't support me I will find another way. I can be very stubborn though.... No one tells this girl what to do.

One thing I like to do to relieve stress, other than sh, is drawing and painting. I don't often have the energy to but it is therapeutic. I take a lot of hot baths to relax and I do things to make my dogs happy like playing with them and taking them on walks because it makes me happy. I don't like to think of them as replacements for sh because that might make them negative, restricting. They should be things that I enjoy and want to do often, and that way I am less stressed and have less reason to sh. I don't know if that's how it would work for other people... Maybe I'm just weird like that.

But there has to be something you enjoy and makes you calm and relaxed, or burns those negative thoughts and stress away. Exercise, art, writing, building things, reading, keeping animals, babysitting, cooking/baking, gaming, music, working with computers, collecting, etc. could be something you already enjoy or a new hobby you want to try out. Do you have something like that?

well i usually write..but now, its more of a low confidence of self

The best thing you can do for yourself is to move out of home away from your mother. I also have an overpowering mother who was always forcing me to attend church. My self-identity and self-confidence improved when I moved out. It's impossible to gain any clear sense of self whilst being imposed upon by family. This only causes low self-esteem. You may be unable to do this any time soon, but you can still look forward to the day when you will no longer be harassed by your mother. At least for now, try to be away from home more so that you can start feeling more independent.

went for my first interview today....
Might work in the MoMA sometime next week. Although now, mother is complaining that i didnt take sundays off for her church. Its the group home for me now.
Taking it one step at a time. Any advice?

arms are in pain now

*mod edit*

well, i didnt get the job and i feel disappointed. Plus now, the forced bible study on sunday. My back and arms hurt. Loud noises everywhere

If it makes you feel better I didn't get the job I applied for either. But I've got an opportunity for another job hopefully soon, in the meantime making money by house sitting, pet sitting, babysitting and all that. Do you have any "side jobs" like that? before I moved out of my parents house I saved up money from little jobs like that, took a while but it covered my first month and when I moved I found a job within a week. Eventually I ended up moving back in with my parents a year later for unrelated reasons, so that sucks a lot...

But anyways, if I were you I'd be doing everything I could to get myself out of there. That's what I'm doing, although it is difficult as hell to find any motivation.

the stress has elevated to the point where im thinking about going into traffics way. its just cruel.
scars on arms, legs and back. am i wrong for saying this