Compulsive Internet Liar

I don't know why I do this but I want help on how to stop this. It's destroyed all of my online friendships. I've been doing it for the past 6 years and I only lie on the internet. I've lied about my job, having a family, being the opposite sex, age, etc. I lie in a way that I know I'll get caught eventually. Like if I use someone's picture I will also use their real name. Or I'll copy text, knowing that it can easily be found online with a simple google search. I don't know why I do this and I can't seem to stop either. I've hurt so many people in the past, and now I've hurt one of the nicest people I've ever met and I feel so bad about it.

I started talking to this girl about a year and eight months ago on a message board. I made a decision that I was going to be as truthful as possible, and for the most part I was. I did lie about my job and living situation at first, but I fixed that after a while because I felt bad. Months go by and I don't tell her a single lie. Then this past April I develop feelings for her so I start lying again to sound more interesting. I tell her that I was working when I wasn't. I tried to avoid topics relating to work so it gave me some semblance, false reassurance, or whatever that I wasn't lying. I felt like I wasn't making any progress with her so I start telling her fake stories/witty comments about life and work. I'm bad at making up lies so I got these stories/comments from the same message board we met, and they all came from one single person (someone I think is funny and interesting). Yes, I know, I'm an idiot, but this gave me some comfort in knowing that if she ever found out I'll know about it (through the "recent visitors" feature on someone's profile) before she confronted me.

I started telling her these lies in July and by the end of the month she tells me that she has developed feeling for me and wants something more than just a friendship. Things go well for a while and then I find out today that she's looking through that person's profile/posts I got my material from. Now I have to deal with the consequences.

I'm afraid to look at my email because I know I'll be confronted with this. I knew this was going to happen, so it's not that big of a surprise. I have accepted that she's not going to talk to me after this so I'm not even going to try to mend this. This is unforgivable. I am going to apologize for what I did, though. I've never apologized to anyone, but I feel like I really need to apologize to her. She is the nicest person I've ever met and didn't deserved to be lied to.

Her birthday is next week and I promised that I would send her something. I already had her present, but I ripped it apart. She was going to give me her address when I was ready to send it, but that's not going to happen now.

This has happened to me too.

Hi Roo,

You will get through this. I know it, but not without some professional help. There probably is some deep rooted self-esteem situation going on inside of you that wants to sound more "interesting" to other people. However, I am sure you are a great person and interesting just being yourself. Even from this post, you seem compassionate and remorseful. On the internet it's easy to be whoever you want to be, and sometimes this seems super appealing. However, when you lie about who you are you end up like those people on that TV Show/Movie "Catfish." Actually, if you haven't seen that movie already, please track it down. It will show you the damage lying about who you are effects other people.

Instead of just saying sorry, which takes a lot of courage, I will admit, you need to own that you have a problem and take responsibility for it. Now that you have acknowledged this is a huge problem in your life, you need to deal with it or it will seriously get out of control. Once you begin to deal with the situation with professional help, you will be able to heal from it.

Then, instead of self-sabotaging yourself from making true connections with people online, you will be able to love and be loved for who you are.

I hope that helps! Feel free to message me if you would like to chat more.

Warmest Regards!