Lying is destroying my life

Miserable day, wife in hospital, I cant be with her, She doesn't understand that I can't come down, Says I don't care about her, Miserable day, Haven't Lied, Took 20$ out without telling my wife had to get oil for the car, I dunno how to make it better, says what i have done is unforgivable, I can't help some things, I know i've told her I would be there for her but i cant do it, I can't afford it, she thinks I should be selling everything just to try and be there for her and ive already told her that sure i could sell everything if she wants me there in 2 weeks, cause apparently if you put something for sale in her and her sisters mind it sells right away. I guess it would if i got 1/5 of what its worth, then there wouldn't be enough money to get there. anyway im sorry for ranting, but i'm played out, I love her, I'm not lying and i dunno what to do to make it better.

2m0Rr0\/\/ Devin

I forgot to add yesterday that i didn't tell her i was getting oil for the car and said i was going to be right home i guess i lied about that, and i was telling my wife i planned on being there with her yesterday but i couldn't afford it I looked for the cheapest way there and asked my parents for help but they couldn't afford it either so i guess i lied about that also.

Today I guess I lied about being home on time although i had to leave work to be with my wife before she went into surgery(She is doing great, the surgery went great other than shes in a lot of pain she is expected to be fine soon) I was asked to stay later and finish some work since i missed some time for that, and i did. and i told her on the tablet while at work that i would be later cause i had to finish some work, but i was still accused of lying and she still asked me where i was when i did get home( i think its all the morphine) anyways no worries there. I got nothing else to report today as far as lies go i'm just happy my wife is going to be fine, i wish her pain would stop.hopefully she will be going home tomorrow, and back to eating solid foods. Sorry for jumping all over the place with the subjects but its been a stressful couple days. So yea fixed my post from yesterday, Didn't lie about anything today, and Wife is Recovering! all in all a decent day, Now to stop the arguing with my wife and life would be perfect. thanks all for the comments and support.

Till Next Time!
Devin

Today was really good, wife is home now(at her sisters) and recovering well. I didnt lie today at all, I had lots of stuff to do today also for my wife and i got it all done, I didnt get enough time to talk to her today though like on the tablet or phone like i wanted, I feel so bad i cant be there to help her do stuff she needs shes still in alot of pain and will be for a week or so. But yea i didnt lie and did all the stuff i said i was going too which is really good i feel good about it, just have to keep on keepin on, continueing on the right path, Thanks everyone for the support and the comments/support

Till the next time, Devin

Thursday, Sept 13 2012

Had nothing to really report today cept i went to the doctor, and had him refer me to the mental health division of the local hospital for an assessment, he said it should be a couple weeks to a month till they get in contact with me, which isnt as long as I thought it would be so yea i didnt lie and the wife is still in major pain but it getting better .

Friday, Sept 14 2012

I did lie once today the wife asked me what i was doing and i was drawing a design for a wardrobe type closet and I told her and she asked what it was for and i said nothing even though i had a plan for it, and i got extremely defensive about it too which was bad and took me about 30 minutes to admit i lied and such i dunno why i did that / get defensive but im hoping they can give me some insight into it when i go for my assessment. but other than that I had a decent day worn out from work tho was there for a couple extra hours.

as always thanks ahead for the the comments and support guys.

Devin

Saturday Sept 15 2012

Had a decent day with the wife except some minor arguements but yea I didnt lie or fib or anything of the such, just feeling down in general. I did go behind my wifes back and put my computer forsale even though she explictly told me not to sell it, but she knows i put it forsale. so i guess i need to work on doing stuff like that i dunno.

Devin

Sunday Sept 16 2012

Had to work for 5ish-6 hours today and did the samething as usuall came home and argued with the wife some. Never lied or nething, never felt like lying. today ive been feeling really terrible, psychically and i tink thats making me feel bad mentally. i havent worked out in a month and a half and thats really affected me i think my diet is kinda loopy also with that but i havent had the coin to pay for a gym membership and the machine i have here at home is depressing to even look at, its just not the same as the powercage and some actual weight. so yea i didnt lie.

Devin

Ad-don to Sunday, I also put a couple things for sale that were both of ours after my wife told me not to sell them and i hit a nerve doing that to her and cause another big fight, over the games i put for sale and the drum set i have for sale, how i was comparing them saying the drum set was the same as the games by saying since the drum set is mine and i like to play them and i had a set when i was a kid i didn't have to sell them, she said that about the games and since i compared the drum set like that she flipped and brought up that i bought the drum set and that's what caused us to breakup before and that the drum set is nothing but a reminder of how i treated her and we don't have the room for them, but anyway I put the games up for sale and after all the arguing i took them back down. Just another flaw in my character i guess. deceitful.

Today was great for lying but other than that it was ###$ relationship wise all were doing lately is argueing tonight I got upset over somethingt she said and stopped talking and then all hell broke loose. It was mostly my fault tonight and i feel bad about it but we need to stop argueing. so yea no lies just fights.

Tomorrow Devin.

Today i had to lie to my father in order to leave work to come home and fix my computers and internet for my wife, a lie is a lie though i told him that my wife called and said there were strange guys walking around the house(which i'm sure there were) they replaced the power meter on the side of the house so everything went out. but still i lied. I did good the rest of the day though no other issues except me being mean to my wife again when i did come home i was really short and said some hurtful things to her which i regret. But I lied today to my father. i hope they call soon from the doctor i need to talk to someone soon. Bad day for lying.

I also got thrown outta bed this morning by my cat knocking over my dishwasher and microwave. i have no idea how but hes fat.... it was a crash at 6am like no other, it sounded like someone threw a brick through every window in the house at the same time. Thanks again for your support and comments.

Devin

Going forth with the not lying, today was decent had no issues even had a decent night with the wife, we didn't do much of any arguing. Had a decent day at work didn't lie to my father even told him some stuff about a coworker i probably shouldn't have(my father is the shop foreman and I'm a mechanic and it was all true). which may result in the firing of a light fingered coworker. but that's neither there nor all in all i had a great day and am looking forward to tomorrow . thanks all for the support and comments!

Till the next time
Devin

Well today was great for the lies didnt have any urges or reason was really busy though, witnessed the same guy at work swiping more stuff, which is not really good. Seems to be robbing the place blind. Told my father again hes gonna talk to the higherup's about it. anyways i didnt have any issues with lieing today, even kept my word with the wife when i told her how long i was going to be at my parents house. but all in all it was a great day. Swiper the Fox is what we nicknammed the guy at work rofl. anyways have a great night and thanks for the comments and support!

Toodles, Devin

Been 9 Days and its been extremely busy home and at work, i only had one episode of lying and it was last Saturday the 22nd, me and the wife were playing games and I was high as a kite on DXM neways she went to bed at 3amish and I kept telling her I was gonna go to bed and she kept waking up and saying go to bed and I kept telling her I was going, anyways this happened quite a few times and I think i made it to bed by 7:30ish am or something like that, I was just sitting around reading about 2012 stuff and watching movies on you tube, but i still lied to her. All this week its been ridiculously busy at work and didnt have any times to do it at home, i havent had any other incidents besides that one, the past couple days with the wife has been really good havent really fought and i spent a ton of money on her and very little on myself looking after her needs. I will update again tonight for the rest of today, Thanks for the support and comments in advance!

Devin