Lying is destroying my life

Hi, I have been a compulsive liar for the better part of my life, The first memory I have of lying is about when I was 7-8years old in a grocery store and I got a candy cane from a dish, but there were 2 different dishes one was priced 10c and the other was 25c and I took one from the 25c dish and said it was from the 10c one. I remember being sick to my stomach about lying and once home I told my parents that I lied about it and they kinda giggled about it and sent me back to bed.

Since then I have lied tons of times I think out of fear of being in a confrontation or something like that I am currently married and my lying has made me totally untrustworthy to my wife we have broken up several times due to my lies and bless her she has stayed with me and came back,we are currently together but separated she is from the USA and I'm from Canada waiting on her permanent residency and now currently I have done it again with lying. I have avoided her and lied about it by saying the internet is down so I couldn't talk when all I had to do was ask her for some alone time, but instead of asking for that I have on several occasions avoided her with the internet excuse, I have lied so much about money I have some sort of obsession with spending money, if I have it I spend it as quick as I can get it. my wife thought it would be a good idea to post on here while I am waiting on an appointment with a therapist and I agree I want to stop lying I want to be completely truthful with her. I love her to death and I don't want to lose her!

Along with the lying comes the manipulative behaviour as well as being very vague with how I explain myself, just looking for some honest opinions on what course of action I need to take, I'm going to book an appointment with my GP to see what he thinks also, I'm hoping he will refer me to a decent psychiatrist.

Thanks for reading this and sorry about my grammar.

Devin

Also when I'm lying I do feel guilty while I am doing it but I just make up some reasoning in my head to justify the lie and make it okay, and I feel guilty about doing the deeds that I feel the need to lie about. like I didn't even talk to my wife on our anniversary and I lied about not being able too.

I am trying to change but I lied about something today so small lied about it without even thinking about it and was caught. I find that I only really lie to the ones that I love I.e. my parents my wife and such.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it, so you are on the right path.

Hey, I'm devinjh's wife, I was just wondering if anyone could tell us what to expect from therapy? I'm holding a lot of my hope on this and knowing devinjh is taking steps to get help... I'm just so beyond getting hurt, its so painful, its like you don't know the person you are with or your life is a lie... I'm in a very low place. His appointment is for the middle of Sept. and that's just for his GP, he's in Canada so you have to go through your GP to get a referral to a psychiatrist( I guess) anyone from Canada know about how this works as well? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Im posting just to say how my day went. i have had a decent day no urges to lie, ive caught myself answering too fast a couple times but quickly corrected myself it feels so good to know i havent wronged anyone by what i am saying, this is especuially true when talking to my wife! gonna make the rest of my days as good as this one! ill keep status updates.

Devin

That's good that you're slowing down and realizing when you're about to lie. What it sounds like you need to do is slow down and realize that lying gets you no where fast. Therapy would help tremendously and could possibly end this compulsive lying buisness.

Had another decent day, didn't lie to anyone at all even my family today, except I didn't do as I said I would towards my wife today but I really didn't have time even though it was the simplest thing to talk to her through out the day while I was at work, for this I am deeply sorry, I feel that I let her down big time. Defiantly going to make it up to her! I am getting a much better handle on the lying and being straight forward with every one, and it seems to be making me feel like a much better person, I am guessing this is due to me not having to worry about getting caught up in a lie or having to index in my brain all the lies I have told. I am sure its only going to be better with each passing day

I have an appointment with my general practioner sept, 13 and I'm hoping he is as helpful with referring me to a psychiatrist or psychologist. I'm certain with therapy I will beat this down.

Will keep posting updates. as I feel me sharing how my day goes helps a lot with me continuing not to lie. thanks everyone for your comments am looking forward to reading more.

Regards, Devin

MightyRavendark wrote:That's good that you're slowing down and realizing when you're about to lie. What it sounds like you need to do is slow down and realize that lying gets you no where fast. Therapy would help tremendously and could possibly end this compulsive lying buisness.

Thank you for posting, it makes me feel more optimistic about therapy helping. I know devinjh says that he's tried to stop lying on his own but he keeps resorting back to it eventually and he admitted it is hard to stop. I just hope he follows through with therapy, there is a lot up in the air, I really question if he even loves me... or if he lies about that as well... I'm just so confused.

Thanks
Crystal

crystalsh wrote:

MightyRavendark wrote:That's good that you're slowing down and realizing when you're about to lie. What it sounds like you need to do is slow down and realize that lying gets you no where fast. Therapy would help tremendously and could possibly end this compulsive lying buisness.

Thank you for posting, it makes me feel more optimistic about therapy helping. I know devinjh says that he's tried to stop lying on his own but he keeps resorting back to it eventually and he admitted it is hard to stop. I just hope he follows through with therapy, there is a lot up in the air, I really question if he even loves me... or if he lies about that as well... I'm just so confused.

Thanks
Crystal

It's most likey going to be really difficult to fall out of his old pattern, but if he's willing to try, theirs hope. And because he is being open now, that shows that he is trying, and I can't speak on his behalf, but it sounds like he's trying to change because he loves you.

Thanks for posting raven I am trying my best and exploring all venues for help. Each day seems like a challenge to not lie though, but each day also feels like its getting easier to tell the truth, and that accepting the consequences of my actions is a lot better than hurting the ones i love with lies and deceit.

Today was another good day had no real problems with anything had no desire or feeling of wanting to lie. I have also made a Blog to keep track of my days and such i will be copying this post to it. I feel that continuously having a place to put my progress will in-turn help me progress easier and stay on track. Thanks again for the comments they are greatly appreciated!

Devin. http://unwantedlies.wordpress.com