i did it. [ engaged to a compulsive liar? ]

last night i took the liberty of printing out almost six pages from these very forums and handed them to him this morning. i wanted him to see the hurt and stress this lying causes the victims of compulsive lying from other`s points of view, not just mine.

i wanted him to know that this is not uncommon.

when he got home from work, he didn`t say anything. neither did i. we just sat in silence, looking at eachother, and away.

finally it got to the point that he was gathering his things.

he acted sourly. he said i screwed him. ha. i laughed.

he didn`t try to call me until late tonight, i didn`t answer it.

so, i sit here and write this.

i cannot describe how badly i feel. i want to sob. and i want to just call him and tell him that i made a mistake. which is what has happened before.

i feel like i need to protect and take care of him.

i feel empty inside.

i even spent time this evening with an ex-boyfriend, who is funny, nice, has a good job, and doesn`t have the problems that gary [ the liar ] does. but it didn`t make me feel much better. i like him, but i can`t stop thinking about gary. i even had to keep myself from constantly talking about him.

i miss him so terribly it`s unreal.

i`ve never been with anyone who treated me so wonderful. he`s my ideal man. attractive, passionate, helpful. he always brought me gifts. he did everything i asked of him. we had fun. we laughed. we were so close. i can`t describe it.

but then the lies. the irresponsibility with money. probation. no common sense.

but are those bad things worth giving up the great things?

every relationship has stress.

i don`t know if i am doing the right thing.

i need some advice. please. i am begging.

thank you.

My b/f is a liar. We have been on and off and on and off, with every new set of lies. He is getting better but still lies, it still screws me up and hurts.
I know how hard it is when they are so kind, generous and loving. But the lies are devestating to your trust and your relationship.
I see that you want to be an enabler and want to help him. I was exactly the same. LET ME TELL YOU YOU CANT.
He has to be the one to decide not to lie. He is the only one who can stop it. You have to accept that he has this fault and that things may not change either for a long time with alot of help, or never. Think about what YOU want from your life, and whether you could cope with these lies for a long time to come.
Take this time to think things through. If he loves you like you think he does then he will still be there for you. If he isnt, and simply doesnt understand why you are having trouble coping with his lies, then he obviously doesnt love you enough.
Good luck to you

I like to say that I dont think there is enough "support" for the people making postings on here who are on the other end of the scale like the two people above. They are the ones who are left flattened by people who just easerly roll over them with their lies. The compulsive liar just rolls the lies out as easy as. these people they lie to are the ones who altermately are left to deal with the heartache as to why are they lying to me, Why are they treating me like this, what did I ever do to deserve to be treated like this. It can strip somebody from there self confidence they can feel worthless and ponder why when all you ever did was love and care for this person, just wanting to be happy and for them to be happy to. The victom on a lot of posts comes of as the liar, the hard one done by. Some comments might seem like hardlove on from our end to the compulsive liars end, But we have lived on the other end, we are at out wits end, how else can you get through to the compulsive liar, I dont believe you can, from my own personel experience I really believe they cant change. I dont mean to offend anybody but I dont know how it can change.

Perseverance is key in reformation. The liar, like myself has to not try his best, but DO his best. He has to give into the fact that he is a liar 100%. He has to own his responsibilities and know the hurt he has created, and accept the fact that he is his own undoing. He has to completely abandon the idea that there is justification for his actions. He must let the lied to run him over with anger, mistrust, pain, and suffering to understand. He must empathize not simpathize with the ones he lied to. He must truly listen without counter reasoning in his head about his lies and the pain it brought. He must face those he hurts and open say out loud, I am a compulsive liar, and I need help. I need the help of my love ones, and that of my friends.

As a compulsive liar that is trying to change his behavior, and as a victim of lies, I have an advantage of having both view points. I can empathize with my wife's feelings by remembering the lies that were told to me that hurt me. I can understand the confusion of having your love one, in my case my mother, openly lie to you about everything big or small. I turned into a monster. I grew up to be everything I hated. Is it her fault, no it is my own. Everyone choses to do what he/she does. My mother wasn't there to twist my arm and say "Lie to your family boy, it's the only way!" I made those decisions, now I must live with them, as she must live with what she did to me back then. I see from behind the eyes of both victim and liar. I understand more now that I have come to terms with myself and my illness.

There is hope. There is always hope. Commitment is the difference between success and failure. Also the integrity of the liar must ironically be pure. The liar must be the one that changes himself. He can have reasons, ie his family, his kids, himself, but he must do the changing. You can never change the liar. It is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. I was seven years old when I figured out that my mother was lying to me, and have been for as long as I knew. What crime or sin did I commit by the age of seven that I deserved the pain that I was dealt? I have been living in reverse these past few days to see the errors of my choices. I have been looking deep into my memories of the rejected truth of who I am. I can sit here and tell all of you that there is hope, but the hope does not lay upon your burden. That hope is in sole ownership to the liar. Saying that you want to change, and changing are two very far points on the sprectrum of things. I can and have sat all day and mouth out promises of change and belted out swears of reform. It wasn't until I got up, turned off the movie that was my life, and started to do something about it that I began to understand.

The "Guest," may be right in what she said for her own situation. It appears that she was dealing with a person who spoke of reform, but never made an honest attempt to change. Don't let this discourage you. There is still hope in the person you love. Make them see the need to change. Do not try to change them, but rather make them understand that the need for truth is greater than the persuit of lies. Only when they understand and admit in themselves can there really be change. And if they find that, then you have a chance.

Lying Sin