my situation

Just found this forum, never looked at such things before. I lie alot about big things. just tell me if this makes sense.

had a good childhood both parents were there and they are wonderful people, but always lied to get out of trouble. But honestly thats what everyone i know did.

The trouble started in high school. i attended a prestigious school and had to apply to get into the programs and take an entrance exam. I had a tutor for a year to prepare for the entrance exam. that was the peak of my life hahah. played baseball and basketball, doing well in school, active in clubs basically running $#%^. got kicked out for fighting although none of my other friends got kicked out because they didnt go to my school. I was extremely embarrassed and my parents had to tell all their friends. thats where my lying began. to some people i would tell them i got kicked out, but others i would say i didnt like it or it wasnt for me. but that was my first taste of public embarrasment and i didnt like it.

I floated onto two other schools and couldn't really find my place. got into trouble, did drugs. lied to parents alllll the time about that stuff. got depressed, somehow got accepted to a really good college. probably because i had high test scores on everything.

lost acceptance because i finally found friends in school and partied too much + expulsion. cut out about 50 percent of the people in my life, too embarrassed to tell them. Lied to my parents and they had to find out through a phone call at the last minute. People were giving me college jackets and memoribilia to take with me, I couldn't stop and tell them the truth. another hit to self esteem. parents had to tell their friends blah blah. I was about to tell someone, but they were like "WHO would lose an acceptance, they would be such a loser idiot hahah"

got into ok college in the boonies last minute across the country to east coast. seeing no other option i go. hate it and have a hard time adjusting. school is boring. get $#%^ grades. Have to lie to people when they ask ,"why in the world did you come HERE from there." so lying became really commonplace to explain all the $#%^.

See my friends having a blast at real good colleges and having the life i want. Lie to some to make it seem like im having the same experience. Lie to others saying im studying hard and trying to get out of the shithole. in reality i was just trying to have fun like my friends were and failing.

lied about grad school acceptance. lied about a job. dont respond to people because i dont want to lie so id rather not talk. Everyone seemed to be passing me by.

have a gf and she has no idea. dont cheat or anything. she will leave me and its only fair i have no problem with that.

I need to stop lying and i know exactly why I lie. My brother had no trouble and was ivy league and now in top grad school. I lie to the family and it burgeons from there. I think I lie to them because they know my potential, so i feel like i have to lie and say im living up to it even though it does not really matter to them.

Im sort of forced to tell them as they are coming to see me. Im going to tell them, but literally everyone in my life will be gone. The ensuing shame is going to be unbearable. how do people deal with it?

Hi, yoyo! Maybe the best thing to do would be confessing to your parents and then asking for their support in finding a therapist. It could help you to have therapy for this, there are people on the forums who fight the urge to lie and their lives are getting better.
What is it that you want? Do you want to be like your brother but have fun too?