Seeking Help

Im a 22 year old male whos been in a relationship for the past 3 years. Since the begining I've been lying about things big and small, because of this my girlfriends trust has been shaken to the core. I've tried unsuccessfully to stop lieing but it never works out. I truely love her and want to finally stop lieing to her. Any comments or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thankyou

Speak less, think about what you want to say. It is OK to be more quiet I think. Remember how bad you feel later when you tell a lie. Re-visit the good things about your relationship, is it worth risking everything? Where will you be if you lose her? It is truly not a matter of IF you will lose her, only WHEN. Eventually the lies will become too much and your relationship will fall apart.

I have been with my fiance' for 5 years and we are getting married next May. He has been lying the whole time we have been together. He lied about gambling, marijuane use, etc. He says he grew up this way because he had a really strict father, and he can't seem to break out of the cycle. He wants desparately to stop lying, and says he will never lie again whenever he gets caught, but things keep coming up. I think he is scared of getting yelled at, but I would be so much less upset if I knew without him lying.

I have become obsessed with what he lies about- mainly obsessed with whether or not he has or will cheat on me. I have never had any evidence that he has, but I cannot stop wondering if he has since he has lied about so many other things. Does anyone have any tips? I want to either feel confident that he has not cheated, or find out if he has (whenever I ask, he completely denies it and says he would never do that)... I am starting to feel crazy because it is all I think about!! Please help!!

Lying Boyfriend:
Sorry, I am new to this, did not mean to post that here, but I do have a reply. You sound the way my fiance' sounds everytime he gets caught. It sounds like you guys really do want to stop, but these cycles are so ingrained. I think if you start to be aware of the lying as you tell the lie might help. You need to believe that your girlfriend will love you even if you make mistakes. I think my fiance' thinks I will leave him if I find out that he is not perfect, but I am so much more concerned about the lying than the behaviors he 'does wrong'. If you can be open, you will feel so much better. I can't tell you how, if I could I would tell my fiance that. But, maybe try thinking about how you are hurting your girlfriend so much more and ruining the relationship so much more with lying than with the actual things you do that you lie about.