I'm a compulsive liar.. How to stop?

I'm a textbook pathological liar. I never really saw my lying as a problem. But i've come to realize, that i think this pathological lying is making my life more stressful and miserable than it could be. I've told so many lies to different people, it's impossible for me to keep track of them all, and now have the notoriety of being a liar. Obviously i'd like to wipe this reputation clean, so thats why i'm here.

A lot of the lies i tell serve no real purpose. I'll lie about things like.. What i had for breakfast. Things which REALLY don't matter in the slightest, but i lie about them anyway. It's uncontrollable, i don't really think before saying them, .. It's compulsive.

I have a habit of manipulating family members into pitying me, which leads to them doing things for me, such as letting me live with them. I lied about having aspergers syndrome, and then attempted suicide, although i didn't care if i died or not. It was purely a lie to make my mum think i was depressed so she would feel bad and let me stay with her for a while.


I know i'm a "bad" person. But i would like help with this, any tips?

I'd love to go get therapy, But i'd LIE. lol
And i got falsely diagnosed with AsPD not long ago, so i refuse to go back.

I'll put in my two cents. I have the exact same problem. I will lie about big things, but in addition I will lie about things where lying serves no purpose. Honestly, I think I lie because when I was little I got away with lying constantly and never had repercussions. From then on it just became a habit for me, and then like a second nature. Seeing a therapist is a good idea. I have seen therapists in the past and just told them straight up that I compulsively lie. They have worked with me to find out why I lie, and to help me prevent it.

Some techniques I have learned outside of therapy are telling the people who you really trust about your issue. I've come out to my family and girlfriend and it actually feels like a weight is off my shoulders. It was really difficult at first, dealing with the anger and severe distrust. Once all of that subsided, everyone understood that I had a problem, and most people tried to work with it. Setting little goals also works for me. I challenge myself to go a certain amount of days without lying, then reward myself for it (Yeah, it sounds simple and probably dumb, but it does work for me )

Seeking therapy is probably going to be your best bet. You just have to try as hard as you can to be honest with them, especially telling them about the lying issue. I find that I lie less when they know I am a compulsive liar.

Lollirot wrote:I'll put in my two cents. I have the exact same problem. I will lie about big things, but in addition I will lie about things where lying serves no purpose. Honestly, I think I lie because when I was little I got away with lying constantly and never had repercussions. From then on it just became a habit for me, and then like a second nature. Seeing a therapist is a good idea. I have seen therapists in the past and just told them straight up that I compulsively lie. They have worked with me to find out why I lie, and to help me prevent it.

Some techniques I have learned outside of therapy are telling the people who you really trust about your issue. I've come out to my family and girlfriend and it actually feels like a weight is off my shoulders. It was really difficult at first, dealing with the anger and severe distrust. Once all of that subsided, everyone understood that I had a problem, and most people tried to work with it. Setting little goals also works for me. I challenge myself to go a certain amount of days without lying, then reward myself for it (Yeah, it sounds simple and probably dumb, but it does work for me )

Seeking therapy is probably going to be your best bet. You just have to try as hard as you can to be honest with them, especially telling them about the lying issue. I find that I lie less when they know I am a compulsive liar.

As to why i lie, i have no idea. I think it just comes naturally to me, i remember when i was younger, i was ALWAYS in trouble. Therefore i had to lie to cover myself, and managed to get pretty good at it then realized that lying was awesome. Then i guess it got out of hand.

But then again, it might be my mum's fault. She constantly used to lie to me and others. She's a manipulative bitch. She told me for years that my real father tried to kill my mother and kidnap me, and fled the country to avoid prosecution. Turns out it was all bullcrap. She got my uncle to come beat me up when i was about 14 too, it used to happen a lot. My uncle got a knife against my throat, i knocked it out his hand and it cut my mums arm. She then rang the police and all the family saying that i tried to kill her. Due to my history of violence and petty crimes, they believed my mum and i got sent to a camp.. Okay i'll stop raging now, i get pretty mad when thinking about my mother. This is my real mother btw, not the one i live with.

I don't know if i can just go and tell the truth, i feel i'm in too deep. Everyone will disown me if they find out some fo the things i have lied about. And they will never believe anything i see again.

How do you stop yourself lying for x amount of days though? I don't even think about lying, they just happen. I very rarely think "I'm going to lie about this", they just come out my mouth and afterwards i'm like "oh crap.. Why'd i do that!?".

I'll try though >.>

an0nym0use.

I think therapy will really help if you honestly want help. I've been lying for years, and trust me it's hard to stop. I've been to therapy quite a few times. Never finish any because I felt I had a grasp on things and could stop on my own. I was wrong, 4 therapist later I'm still lying. Another reason is I didn't feel I was a compulsive liar (denial). So going to therapy for something you don't feel like is a problem, makes it hard to get help. I'm a compulsive liar and lying has been my telling the truth - sort of speak. I haven't lied in quite a while now. I'm back in therapy and I will see this thru. Its one day at a time. You can't change tomorrow, but you can change today. Something that has been working for me is, I try and be honest about every thing, the smallest thing. That way I get use to telling the truth. Another thing is if I lie, I catch myself and then tell the true. Admitting you have a problem is always the hardest, everything from there should fall in to place. It want happen over night.

I agree with everything said here. I guess I just wanted to stress how important I think a good therapist is. It's very difficult to get by lying to a good therapist. They will see through it. For that matter, I think we kid ourselves when we believe that nobody sees through many of our lies. Don't give up.

I actually just signed up so I could comment on this. I just wanted to tell you I used to be a compulsive liar.I stopped myself I can tell you how too. You need to confirm that you have a problem, on a daily basis. You also need to adress it on a daily basis. Once you start pointing the problem out to yourself everyday. You can start to work on it and get better. Point out on a daily basis that these problems are dramatically effecting your well being and life. It's just like quitting smoking I've done and that's when I knew I could overcome this problem too. They are both addictions, a good way to stop is to break your train of thought. You can break the train of thought before and during a lie. To correct yourself and keep from saying lie's. Basically try very hard to think before you speak. Hope this was helpful.

I hope you had good luck.

Well, I had been a compulsive liar for a long long time.
The only way I realised, that it is a mental problem was "consequences" : A lot of damage had been done, by the time I realised, it's a problem I need to address. Lying got me a lot of success (That's what I thought), It helped me preserve my false "self image" and gave me quick "escape routes". I did see Therapists and after several attempts have been successful at getting "compulsive lies" off my system.
I will be writing on each of the incidences, where I lied and the consequences and instances, where I stopped lying, where I could have and was tempted to, and the good consequences of the same.
Well, some of it might not be structured well, but the objective is that if my real life instances can inspire people on this board to analyse, realise and quit compulsive lying, I will be happy and will do a great help to my "true self image".
I encourage others to follow suit.

I just realized yesterday that I have this problem. I am a compulsive liar and I need help. Because of this habit of mine, I constantly lose friends who obviously discover that I have been lying and basically brand me as a lying bitch. The latest thing that happened was that I lied to my 2 best friends that a guy who i secretly had a thing for, asked me out, when he really didn't. They soon found out from the guy that I made up the entire story. The weird part is I never even thought I was lying. Yes, I seriously have some issues. I know that. Anyway, they stopped talking to me completely and are telling others about what I did. I don't have any friends anymore. I am totally alone and miserable. And I finally realize I need to take responsibility for my problem.

Hi James,
Big Hug first of all. I hear your pain and know this addiction has defeated you as all addictions do in the end.

It's very normal for lying addicts to believe their own lies. Here's the reason...

After a number of years of developing a persona of what they would like to be or think they should be in the eyes of others, their true self can often begin to dissolve and crumble under the weight of all the lies and they can actually begin to believe their lies are true.

If the subconscious is told something often enough, it will believe it – even if it is a lie.

Lying addicts could pass lie detector tests.

This is maybe why their lies are believed so often. This is especially true if the lie is something they want. One lying addict I researched remembered her first lie being telling her kindergarten teacher her mother was pregnant as what she really wanted was a baby sister.

Also, lying addicts develop the habit of convincing themselves of their lies and this can mean that after a while, they have trouble telling what is real and what is imagined.

Sometimes they don’t know what the truth is any more even in their own minds.

Maybe much later they can figure out they have lied and this is why they don’t realise at the time that they are even lying. They can get very confused by the whole situation.

In addition, when something is partially true but mostly fabricated (as a lot of their lies are as they could also be called “exaggeration addicts”) and the lying addict tells that thing over and over, the lines begin to blur.

Another aspect of this is that lying addicts want so much for their lies to be their reality. It ends up becoming difficult to tell fact from fiction. When they have whole back stories that never happened full of (usually) awful events, it can end up feeling like they are living two (or more) lives.

They create their lives through their lies.

As the addiction progresses, this can end up making the lying addicts feel like they are losing control completely. They simply lose track of what is real and what is something they have created. One woman ended up believing she actually had been abused by her father when she hadn’t.

Sometimes, they know they are lying but do not know what the truth is either.

Another layer to this is that often when lying addicts tell a new lie for the first time (especially a big lie), they can feel a mixture of both guilt and thrill. What can alleviate the guilt in the long run is justifying the lie by telling themselves it is in fact the truth.

Then they start to believe it as truth to keep their egos intact.

Hang on in there James. There is hope and there is help.
Billi Caine