No one there when i need advice

Why has it got to the point that no one is there when i need advice? Why dont i feel i can talk to my family or my friends?
Is it because they are sick of hearing of my problems (or mainly, the problems he causes me) and have told me to get out so so many times - that they are fed up of all his lies and all the dramas it causes?
At times, because of the lying, i feel i need instant help, you know, when you can just pick up the phone and get advice.
The lies have made me question my judgement, question me, question what im holding on for.
Nights like tonight, are what are the hardest. I check the forum, no one has responded. I cant call my friends, because, they all say im a fool, and they are fed up with hearing it, told me hes no good for me, he has done so much to me, havent i taken enough crap yet?
So what do i do, i let him talk me round, go against my instincts, because, after so many times of believing him, and being wrong, i dont know if im wrong or right anymore, and no one is there to re-inforce the corrrectness of it all. Does nobody understand what lies do to your sanity.
I think its time i got help

i understand completly where ur coming from!!! i feel like i can't realy talk to any of my friends the only person i can talk to is my mom cuz she will always be there for me , but all she says is ur being stupid like every decision i make is wrong so i dont even want to tel lhe rnething ne more bc i dont want to hear it. even if i am making a mistake. she constantly asking why dont u tell me and im like bc u cant just let me do what i want even if u think its wrong just be there for me u always tell me im being stupid so i dont want to tell u! shes like i just dont want u to get hurt blabla. but yea sometimes i feel like i dont no if im right or wrong it really does mess with ur head. do u go to a therap;ist? cuz i dont feel that i need to but for this problem it definantly helps!!! i no where ur coming from its hard bc like i dotn no if my bf is still lying and i love him somuch i dont no how i would be happy without him. and eveyrone says well u have to be happy with urself b4 ur gonna b happy w/ a guy. and honestly i dont feel that im the happiest....w/him. but i feel like thats what i have right now so i mine as well keep it. but i dont think thats right either. i just dont no what TODO EITHER!! w/b to me! on private message if u want!

I will do indeed, thanx - busy few days ahead will contact soon thanx again

Hi
Iam replying to the first post , iam really sorry you are going through this , it is a nightmare i myself have the same problems with my b/f although i have fallen out with him at the momment it is so easy to get dragged back in to it again is'nt it ?. especially if all your friends and family are not being supportive and who can blame them really they are sick off seeing us getting hurt & its easier for them to tell us we are making a big mistake being with these guys , because they are not in love with them

It is a vicious circle and this time iam going to try so hard to ignore him & i also have lost lots off friends through his lies ect but iam determined to get off this roundabout and start building bridges.

Sometimes you may feel that you have no choice but to run back into his arms because nobody is there to support you , do you think that if a family member / friend was more understanding that you would be stronger and not let him treat you like this ?

Remember it is not your fault he is like this and you are important too, dont let him manipulate you be strong.
I have discovered over 5yrs off hell that the only person that can get me away from this relationship is ME.

If you need profesional help to get you through then go and do it i myself am thinking i may have to do this , its been 3 wks now since i fell out with him and he never gives up if he would just leave me alone and stop manipulating me i might get over him

Take care
mags

Being a "trying to be former" liar myself, I can tell you that this advice is right. It is easy to get drug back in. Once the trust is gone, I honestly don't feel that it can come back. I think it's sad that you have lost family and friends because of the person that lied to you. Maybe it's similar to what family and friends go through when someone they love is in an abusive relationship. And let's face it, this is somewhat "abusive", just in a different sense. My ex-boyfriend and I tried to make things work after all the damage was done. We tried several times actually. We discovered that the damage was too great. The difference between me and you is that I, as the liar, am trying to let him go and he still attempts contact with me. I have learned, through a great deal of help in therapy, to really THINK before I say things now. I have learned a lot of skills to help me to overcome this problem. And I am doing very well. But regardless, the damage has already been done. If you are dead serious about ending a relationship with your person, then you need to be very adamant about it and don't cave in when they try to contact you. Trust me, I know how hard it is to be on THIS side of things is hard, too. Most people I know that lie don't ever do it viciously or in an attempt to hurt anyone. I was not doing it to manipulate or harm anybody...and the person I ended up hurting the most was myself, and hating myself for being so screwed up and selfish acting. I also agree that therapy can help you...being the victim of the lies...to get through it, and to learn how to make a clean break. Therapy can also be a huge support system for you through it. If you truly want him to leave you alone, DON'T take his phone calls. DON'T answer the door to him. DON'T reply to emails or any other correspondence. Don't be wishy-washy about it, because it just causes confusion. Love can be very hard...life would certainly be easier if we could just "decide" not to love someone anymore. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Last of all, do NOT feel guilty that you are wanting out! A person can only take so much. It is NOT your fault that the other person lies. You can't control that, only they can, and it takes a lot of time and work. But don't feel bad if you just simply can't get past it, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty. We got ourselves into this. We did this to ourselves. We made our own beds...! Good luck to all of you. Stay strong, but be firm in what you really want.

desperate and confused
Thanks for your input i admire you for trying to sort things out and at least you have faced the fact that you are a lier.
My b/f wont admit it all hell would have to freeze over first and even then i dont think he would.
I think he has other probs to though i think he is also a sociapath hence the manipulation ect
good luck
mags x

so pleased i have found this site just knowing that CL is a real problem and i`am not mad
i have been with my bf 2 years i have been guess that some of the things he was saying just didn`t add up from day one at the time i though it was harmless the lies was all about him where he been jobs he had cars houses BUT it`s got to the stage were they are so unbeliverble that i cring
he is 36 i`am 39
he is going for therapy in 2 days
now the big one dose it work ?

Hi sad
You are obviously still with him then ? i have fallen out with my b/f AGAIN i cant take anymore really , you will have to let me know if it works , Are you going with him ? I dont want to dishearting you but i know if my b/f went alone for therepy he would pull the wool over the therapists eyes thats if he went at all iam sure he gets a kick out off seeing how much lies he can actually get away with.
mags x

thanks mags
i don`t know what to do for the best he not telling me the truth and i don`t know when he lying and when he not so i don`t think i`ll be any help at the therapy
he mite not come clean at therapyhe mite with someone he don`t know he`s not ready with me
i really don`t know what to do !!
i have read some of your post and i can see myself just like you 6 years down the line
i aiso have 2 girls 13 one going to be 14 soon only 11months dif in age ! but this is my home he lives in he`s looking for a flat and moving out soon
thanks again

Hi Sad
Read my other posts and see if there are similaritys with my b/f and yours.
I have posted in the antisocial behaviour forum as i did post on this forum first as i thought it was just compulsive lieing but as i read more i realised the problem was more than just lies.

eg, irresponsable , manipulation , insecurities , not able to hold a job as the lies actually stem from all off these other anti social probs

Go to the antisocial behaviour forum on this site and read mine & thrivers posts.
Tell me if you think there are any similaritys with these guys and your b/f.

It would be wrong off me to tell you to get out now as even when i had only been in the relationship for a short period close friends told me he was no good and i did'nt listen to them.

Wish i had but well thats life i suppose you just think you know best and i did / still do love him but i really am trying to give myself a shake now as iam getting no younger and i want stability in mine and my daughters life and it will never be stable / secure as long as he is in it.

keep in touch and look at those posts
mags x