Compulsive Lying

I am a compulsive liar and just this week decided to stop. I belive that this is the mos incredible thing i will ever do. As I am writing my whole body is shaking because of all the people i will hurt when i have finished telling the truth. I have had a pathological aversion to suffering and pain which turned into a habit of lying. Having the courage to face the pain, destruction , loneliness, shame and punishment is what it takes to be able to take the first step out of the lying cycle. I would lie about evrything just so that i could look good or prevent a punishment or not have to exert myself emotionally and physically. Ladies and gentlemen this is a disease and it Will destroy your life and theo ones around you-- you must know this. Tomorrow I start singing tomy mother and she is very tough , so i am expecting the end of the world and sometimes think that what i am about to do is crazy, but I love my mother and cant keep lying to her. It si time to check out,turn out the light and recive what i have coming--at least it is real. For those who wonder how to help and deal with loved ones , be kind to them and let them know that you love them no mattter what , when they tell you the truth be gentle , becasue this people arehighly sensitive to shame and pain;this is why they lie. I feel like vomiting, I do not belive in god , but now would be nice to have him. I will hurt a lot of people with this , but to stop the hurt i must do this now now now!! If I die and this is the only thing I do then i have done the greatest thing I could do, pleaee pray for me

Nestor,

Good luck, my thoughts are with you.

Nestor,

You can do this. Without shame or punishment, expect reward.

Being honest, and being trusted are two of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. You've stepped up to the plate and I wish you a homerun.

I understand how you feel, and there must be a reason that you felt that you had to lie, now you can wipe that slate clean and start a new. Don't give into depression or shame. Be proud of yourself. I am.

Our thoughts and courage are with you during your first step, may you move forward gently,

Hi, I found your webpage and am glad I did. I've read some of the other stories and can relate. I'll be married 19 years to the man of my dreams on the 22nd of Dec. He wants a divorce. I've lied to him probably most of the 19 years we've married. I love him more than I can possibly say. But he says you don't lie and do the things I've done to someone you love. I lie about our finances. Did you pay this or that bill, did this get paid, etc. I always tell him it did and try to pay it before he finds out I didn't but not every time I make it. Then he gets mad at me and it's days before he talks to me. I don't want him being mad at me, so I avoid telling him the truth hoping he won't find out. Now it's to late and I've lost him. I'm falling apart inside and I have 2 daughters, 14 and 17, that I don't want to grow up taking after me. I've got to stop. Bottom line. When he divorces me, I will have hit rock bottom. What do I do now? He says he loves me but can't stay married to me. He is in law enforcement and I reflect on his job.

I have a friend who I have known for six years. Ever since day one, he has done nothing but. He went to prison when we first met. He lied about why he went. He said an elderly gentlemen had tried to seduce him. I recently found out that he had a relationship going on with this man and they had a misunderstanding. He tried to set the guy on fire. Recently, I have also found out that he was having a sexual relationship with his sister. I didn't want to believe this. As usual, he denied it. He said that was a rumor his sister's boyfriend started because they can't get along. He is on probation and not allowed to leave the state. He went to another state and called me from there. The number showed up on my caller ID. I called the number back and he answered the phone. When he got back into town, he said he never left the state. This was a bold face lie because I called this number back and he answered and we talked. When he left the state, he was with his sister, which he also denied. Me and his ex-brother-in-law caught him at his friend's trailer with his sister. He answered the door in his boxers. She was hiding around the corner. He still tried to denie he wasn't with his sister. Even though we send him and her with our eyes. I don't understand what's going on in his head. I don't know why he insists on lying so much. He said he was physically abused by his father when he was younger. I think maybe this has something to do with the way he behaves. Please give me some kind of answer to understand why he lies so much.

nestor wrote:I am a compulsive liar and just this week decided to stop. I belive that this is the mos incredible thing i will ever do. As I am writing my whole body is shaking because of all the people i will hurt when i have finished telling the truth. I have had a pathological aversion to suffering and pain which turned into a habit of lying. Having the courage to face the pain, destruction , loneliness, shame and punishment is what it takes to be able to take the first step out of the lying cycle. I would lie about evrything just so that i could look good or prevent a punishment or not have to exert myself emotionally and physically. Ladies and gentlemen this is a disease and it Will destroy your life and theo ones around you-- you must know this. Tomorrow I start singing tomy mother and she is very tough , so i am expecting the end of the world and sometimes think that what i am about to do is crazy, but I love my mother and cant keep lying to her. It si time to check out,turn out the light and recive what i have coming--at least it is real. For those who wonder how to help and deal with loved ones , be kind to them and let them know that you love them no mattter what , when they tell you the truth be gentle , becasue this people arehighly sensitive to shame and pain;this is why they lie. I feel like vomiting, I do not belive in god , but now would be nice to have him. I will hurt a lot of people with this , but to stop the hurt i must do this now now now!! If I die and this is the only thing I do then i have done the greatest thing I could do, pleaee pray for me

Nestor- If you ever read this. Please I need help. I love someone so much and want her back. She is a complusive lier. I know why she lies, why and how it probably started. I have been learning as much as I can. But if I could talk to you to help me understand better coming from someone that does have the problem. It would help me a LOT, in figuring out what I should do, when I should do it, to help her. She says she wants to change, and will. She's with someone else right now. I know she'll lie again to him though. If you read this ever. Can you please Email me, please. I love this girl more than most of you will ever love someone. Serious. An there are reasons why. Not related to anything she lied to me about. God gave me her, at the right time in my life. I can explain more. Maybe another time. But Nestor, Please. Email me.
"BlueEnyaMix@cox.net"
If you read this and don't. That is fine. But since I've been on here, and read "the Liars Redemption" book. An talked to my ex's grandma about a lot of things. I have learned so much. An am learning everything I should do and can do to help her. Just looking for more knowledge about it.

nickettaj wrote:I have a friend who I have known for six years. Ever since day one, he has done nothing but. He went to prison when we first met. He lied about why he went. He said an elderly gentlemen had tried to seduce him. I recently found out that he had a relationship going on with this man and they had a misunderstanding. He tried to set the guy on fire. Recently, I have also found out that he was having a sexual relationship with his sister. I didn't want to believe this. As usual, he denied it. He said that was a rumor his sister's boyfriend started because they can't get along. He is on probation and not allowed to leave the state. He went to another state and called me from there. The number showed up on my caller ID. I called the number back and he answered the phone. When he got back into town, he said he never left the state. This was a bold face lie because I called this number back and he answered and we talked. When he left the state, he was with his sister, which he also denied. Me and his ex-brother-in-law caught him at his friend's trailer with his sister. He answered the door in his boxers. She was hiding around the corner. He still tried to denie he wasn't with his sister. Even though we send him and her with our eyes. I don't understand what's going on in his head. I don't know why he insists on lying so much. He said he was physically abused by his father when he was younger. I think maybe this has something to do with the way he behaves. Please give me some kind of answer to understand why he lies so much.

Nicketta, this is a very bold statement I'm about to make, but your friend obviously has issues, and being incarcerated doesn't seem to have made them better but worse. In prison you have to lie , about almost everything to have your space, and to get away with anything. You are quesitoned all the time bout things that others do, that you may have seen, and you learn it's best to lie, then it becomes a lifestyle, you forget how to tell the truth. In prison the truth means reprocussion, by someone.

You deserve better than this, esp is he's having an affair with his sister. This isn't normal . I wouldn't think twice about ending it.

LilBlue wrote:I have a daughter who is now 21. For most of her life she has lied about absolutely everything. I don't think she can distinguish truth from lie anymore. She went through counseling but all they wanted to do was put her on medication...and she lied her way through all of it anyway.

We could catch her red handed doing or saying something and she would maintain that she absolutely didn't do it. My question is: is there anything that can be done to bring her back into reality? She seems to be living in an alternate universe in which she makes herself out to be a victim every time. She has never been neglected or abused, but demands ALL the attention...and she will tell whatever humongous lie she can to get people to believe her.

Is it "normal" compulsive lying behavior to do things like this?

I have a daughter who is now 25 and I am going through the EXACT same thing. She has been a problem child since a teen. We have tried everything. She is now back living with us again cause she can't make it on her own, and we just had a big blow up because of tons of lies we caught her in. I try to just ignore it, but everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie and she will defend this lie till the end. SHe is master of malipulation and uses and abuses everyone around her.

I am at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore. I can't go on like this another DAY!!

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my thirties and I've been married for 5 1/2 years and it's heading for divorce because of my compulsive lying! I have been told that I have ADD with severe depression. I can be good of telling the truth for so long and then I have to start my lying again. I have an idea of why I lie: I like to cause excitement in the marriage and fear of being rejected. I love my husband dearly and because of my latest actions of lying again, he told that he can't take the #######4 that I have put him through and therefore, he feels that the divorce is going to be the best option since he told me before, that if I ever lie again, he will divorce me. I love this man dearly and I don't want to lose him because of my problems. The thing is, if we divorce, I will never recover and put it in my mind that I got rejected again and everyone hates me. I was emotionally abused as a child and those are the tapes in my head that are playing over and over of how I am a stupid, no one will ever accept me for me, etc. He has been there for me, but I have a trust issue with a lot of people. I don't want to lose him. He's told me that he does love me and it hurts so much in my heart that I have hurt him so much. It hurts so bad, that I really wish that I could go run and hide and stay away from people since I have the tendency to hurt them. I have finally found a therapist that I can probably trust. Any suggestions of what I can do? I'm hoping to be placed on my meds again soon also. Help!!!

I am also a compulsive liar. I am also married. So, I am going to give it to you straight -- YOU CANNOT LIE EVER AGAIN.

I've old lies about the stupidest things, as well as ones to cover my mistakes. Usually to make myself appear "smarter" to the person I'm lying to.

My best answer is that I've finally realized that I need to stoplying so that I can start the process of becoming a spiritual person. I do not know what positive things I can do, because I've spent so muc time lying to be someone I'm not.

So sweetie, it's hard, but it's harder to get old, and not be able to truly love. ANd love is truth. There is no other way.

Hi my name is shawn and I have a problem with lying.
I have lyed since I was a young child to make me look better than I really was and to gain trust within somone and to be accepted (As I have CP) so I would go to any extent to try to lie and make another person feel for me. I have a really bad dysfuntional family all this family does is fight and argue about everything.

I was born a premie and I was told I have FAS fetel Alchohol syndrome. and Mild CP. as I can remember I have always had to have attention some way or another no matter what it took!

When I was 7 years old I had started going to my uncles to stay the night, as I had the family that I had my uncle gave me the love and attention I needed and wanted. well one day I woke up out of a dead sleep and my uncle had his mouth on my penis. I asked what are you doing and he said "Im just checking on you shawn and your okay.." I didnt know any better I thought what he was doing was normal and It felt good so I let him continue to do so for many years and he made me perform may acts on him as well. as I got older I asked for my brothers help and told him what was going on and at this time I was a teen and he ran away and never did help me infact my brother used to abuse me in may ways also he had just told me last week that my mom had no right to adopt me and that he didnt give any approval to me being in that family and that I was never a family member to him anyway because I took all the attention away from him.

Anyway Thats a little about my past no on with the real issues that im dealing with today..

I am in a relationship with the best woman in the world and I have told he may lies to make myself look good and to impress her as I have never felt this way about anyone in my life and I love the feeling of telling the truth but if I get scared, feel traped I feel that I have to lie to be accepted why do I do this and how can I stop I mean I have told her lies that I went to collage and I started to believe them she has 2 wonderful children and I have gained trust in all of them but also lied too. so now they have no trust in me and I feel lost and stupid because this person is my soulmate and now it is going to be so hard to get trust back but I am willing to do anythig to get this back. I love all of them very much. I dont want to loose my new family because this is most stable family I have seen and I am so happy and I love to tell the truth and it feels so good.and I finnaly feel like im wanted and that I have alot to offer and vise versa PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE!!!!
Thank You!

Shawn