Compulsive Lying

Here is some information about compulsive lying that I thought people may find helpful:

Compulsive Lying: Overview
There are a number of reasons that people lie. The first is fear. This is the most common reason that people may lie, and they are taking shelter from a perceived punishment. It may be because they know they have done something wrong a single time, in which case it is not compulsive lying. But if they are always in fear of being punished, it may become a habit, which is a second reason for lying. In this case, it may become compulsive lying, which is lying by reflex. Even when confronted by the truth, they insist the lie is the truth in this case. A third case is learning to lie through modeling. When a people see others lie, especially when they get away with it, they may become more prone to lying. Finally, people lie because they feel if they tell the truth they won't get what they want. Thus, out of the main reasons for lying, only lying by habit can truly be called "compulsive lying."

Increased lying has been seen with a number of psychiatric diagnoses such as ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. With ADHD people will often say "I don't know why I did that", and when confronted about why they lied, their answer will be the same. ADHD children also display impulsivity, and they may lie implusively. Bipolar Disorder can be associated with low serotonin levels, which has been implicated in impulsivity, which, as indicated before, makes a person more prone to lie.

Please feel free to post about any of your concerns.
Sweetngentle

Hi

I'll come right to this.. i am in a bit of a dilemma. I have a close friend who is going through a very rough time. He has been lying for many many years about almost everything and he has just started a relationship with someone he cares very deeply for. He understands that his lying will cause problems with his girlfriend who is already at breaking point with him.

He came to me for advice as to how he could change and i really don't know what could help him. I adviced counselling (but how good are they? and where could you find the right ones to deal with his issue?) and he thought maybe psychotherapists (but he did go to one a few years ago and he felt that they didn't help him?) so although he wants to change he doesn't know where to start. His compulsive lying comes from very low self-esteem.

Please could you help me help him, any numbers etc or websites would be very useful.

Thank you

Hello there!

So, your friend is having difficulty I gather. You could pour tons of hours into researching this disorder, but the main thing that really needs to happen is the desire to get well and overcome this way of thinking. Compulsive lying can have a real stronghold on a person.....making it very difficult for them to change.

I know that saying " go for therapy" is the answer everyone most likely gives...but in all honesty....what other form of help is there? I would suggest that your friend put some time into finding a therapist. I must have call at least 15 before I found one that was and still is helpful to me.

Your friend may have to hit rock bottom before he will see the need for change. I don't know. It's different for everyone.

I wish your friend well and he has a very nice friend (you) in coming here and seeking help for him!

Sweetngentle

sweetngentle wrote:Here is some information about compulsive lying that I thought people may find helpful:

Compulsive Lying: Overview
There are a number of reasons that people lie. The first is fear. This is the most common reason that people may lie, and they are taking shelter from a perceived punishment. It may be because they know they have done something wrong a single time, in which case it is not compulsive lying. But if they are always in fear of being punished, it may become a habit, which is a second reason for lying. In this case, it may become compulsive lying, which is lying by reflex. Even when confronted by the truth, they insist the lie is the truth in this case. A third case is learning to lie through modeling. When a people see others lie, especially when they get away with it, they may become more prone to lying. Finally, people lie because they feel if they tell the truth they won't get what they want. Thus, out of the main reasons for lying, only lying by habit can truly be called "compulsive lying."

Increased lying has been seen with a number of psychiatric diagnoses such as ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. With ADHD people will often say "I don't know why I did that", and when confronted about why they lied, their answer will be the same. ADHD children also display impulsivity, and they may lie implusively. Bipolar Disorder can be associated with low serotonin levels, which has been implicated in impulsivity, which, as indicated before, makes a person more prone to lie.

Please feel free to post about any of your concerns.
Sweetngentle

hi ok im not to good at this but now that i know that i am a compulsive liar how do i fix what i have done and how can i get help

George,

Hi there and welcome to the forum. You say you have a problem with compulsive lying......at least you are being truthful on this point. And that is the beginning of your road back to good mental health.

Because many mental disorders often leave a path of destructio behind them it's not always possible to go back and "fix" things. Sometimes it's possible to make amends to past incidents, issues, relationships....but depending on the particular issue you may or may not be able to make any restitution. It may be that the only thing you can do is to begin to building a better future for yourself by taking charge of this habit.

I have never known of any really significant problem to just go away by itself. Problems tend to stay with us and get worse if we don't do something about them.

So that leads to this.....therapy....counseling....finding a anon group in your area.....all of these things will aid you in getting your life back in order. That and time.....give it time...work on your issues...and soon you will be able to live a life that you can take pride in.

Take care and you did the most difficult thing already.....you told the truth!!!!

Sweetngentle

I'm in my thirties and I've been married for 5 1/2 years and it's heading for divorce because of my compulsive lying! I have been told that I have ADD with severe depression. I can be good of telling the truth for so long and then I have to start my lying again. I have an idea of why I lie: I like to cause excitement in the marriage and fear of being rejected. I love my husband dearly and because of my latest actions of lying again, he told that he can't take the #######4 that I have put him through and therefore, he feels that the divorce is going to be the best option since he told me before, that if I ever lie again, he will divorce me. I love this man dearly and I don't want to lose him because of my problems. The thing is, if we divorce, I will never recover and put it in my mind that I got rejected again and everyone hates me. I was emotionally abused as a child and those are the tapes in my head that are playing over and over of how I am a stupid, no one will ever accept me for me, etc. He has been there for me, but I have a trust issue with a lot of people. I don't want to lose him. He's told me that he does love me and it hurts so much in my heart that I have hurt him so much. It hurts so bad, that I really wish that I could go run and hide and stay away from people since I have the tendency to hurt them. I have finally found a therapist that I can probably trust. Any suggestions of what I can do? I'm hoping to be placed on my meds again soon also. Help!!!

Hi my name is Ivan!
The problem some people say is me. but I think that there is more
to it than that simple I am 42 years old for over 24 years I have been lying but with grave consequences. I am Homosexual and
my parents know however whenever I get into a relationship I
spend money and I steel and lie about everything, who I am really
and what I do for a living? However everything I promise to the
person I deliver in the way of cheating, stealing and lying, and that
always get me in trouble. Example I have a boyfriend who I lied
to I told him I was a Doctor, because I work in a Doctors office, we
would meet there and have encounters afterhours and he was
a common visitor there never asked me about patients but asked
me whose office , since it is my dad;s and he has same last name
and middle name I told him mine. I went to Hawaii with him I had
to lie to my parents because they did not want me to go if they
would have known that I had a boyfriend, and how did I get the
money I took it out of my dad's business account, and stole some
checks from the business and deposited in my account and used
that to stay up there and have a great time, however I lied to my
boyfriend that I used to live there, I never did however I had studied the place real well that I knew most everything about
it. I took, him to a nice place, were he fell in love with the houses, and said he wishes that the house was his, I went behind his back
and I talked to the realtor and I had seen a place in Ewa Beach
in the internet that was beatuifull and told him that I was interested in seeing a house, eventhough I have no credit, I saw
the house and we both made a contract and I used my dad's
social security number to qualify and did and I told them that I
would furnish a loan for the rest and signed the papers, but I do not know why I did this only that It happens, I am taking Paxil this
is what the doctor has prescribed for me, I am fine for a bit however then I am not and then I am for my lying and cheating
I have spend time in Jail because I got caught once. What do I do
no one knows why and what happens, it just happens that I have
no money and I keep draining momey from my family in order to
get help I must have been to numerous of psychologists and
psychatrists none have a solution and they send me other places, now my family thinks that I am the evil person, what do I do I am'd
desperate, please advise.

I WISH SOMEONE COULD PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND, I WILL TRY TO MAKE THIS TO THE POINT BUT IT IS QUITE DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN.I HAD WENT THROUGH A VERY TRYING TIME IN MY LIFE AND I HAD TO SEND 1 OF MY CHILDREN TO STAY WITH MY MOTHER IN NJ, AND MY OTHER CHILD WAS WITH MY FATHER HERE IN KY. OK THIER FATHER HAD MET THIS WOMAN AND LET ME FIRST SAY THAT THIS MAN WAS AN ABSENT PARENT FOR MANY YEARS HE WENT FROM SEEING HIS CHILDREN EVERY OTHER WEEKEND TO A WEEKEND HERE AND A WEEKEND THERE AND THEN LONGER PERIOD'S FOLLOWED AND THEN IT SEEMED TO BE JUST HOLIDAYS , AND HE ALSO WAS COURT ORDERED TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT,HE PAID WHAT HE WANTED TO WHEN HE WANTED TO AND I NEVER HARRASSED HIM OVER IT,OK NOW BACK TO HIM MEETING THIS WOMAN. WE WILL CALL HER "LYN" ,WELL LYN FELL FOR MY EX VERY HARD AND LYN WANTED TO HAVE KIDS WELL THE EX HAD A VASECTOMY AFTER OUR YOUNGEST CHILD, SO SHE HAD IT IN HER MIND HE COULD GET IT REVERSED AND HE ALREADY HAD 2 OTHER CHILDREN FROM HIS WIFE BEFORE ME SO THIS MAN HAS A TOTAL OF 4 CHILDREN 5 INCLUDING 1 THAT WE LOST. HE DIDNT WANT ANY MORE BUT HE WOULD'NT TELL HER THAT , SHE FOUND OUT THAT SHE COULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN SO IN MY TIMES OF TRIAL WHEN I WAS AT MY LOWEST POINT IN LIFE HAVEING LOTS OF PROBLEMS ,A LIGHT BULB WENT OFF IN HER HEAD SHE HAD AN IDEA SHE WANTED OUR CHILDREN TO COME AND LIVE WITH THEM AND SHE TALKED HIM INTO COMMING TO ME AND TEARS IN EYES AND ALL HE CAME TO ME AND SAID HE MISSED HIS CHILDREN AND HE WANTED TO BE A FATHER TO THEM AND HE WAS SAD BECAUSE THEY WERE APART FROM EACH OTHER AND THAT HE WOULD GO GET OUR DAUGHTER FROM NJ AND OUR SON FROM MY DAD AND THEY COULD LIVE WITH HIM AND HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND UNTIL I GOT ON MY FEET AND HE COULD RE-ESTABLISH A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS CHILDREN AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS A GREAT IDEA , YESSS HE FINALLY WANTS TO BE A DAD TO MY KIDS WONDERFUL ! AND I MADE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR THAT SINCE HE OWED ME THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN CHILD SUPPORT THAT WE WOULD HAVE A WRITTEN AGREEMENT THAT I WOULD NOT HAVE TO PAY HIM CHILD SUPPORT AND WE TOOK THIS NOTARIZED LETTER TO THE CHILD SUPPORT OFFICE AND MADE IT CLEAR. WELL THAT PART WAS DONE AND THEY WENT AND GOT OUR DAUGHTER AND OUR SON AND THEY WERE ALL LIVING IN AN APT.AT FIRST THEN THEY FOUND A SMALL 3 BEDROOM HOUSE AND IN THE BEGINNING EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT I SEEN THE KIDS ANYTIME I WANTED WITH NO PROBLEMS,THEN IT ALL STARTED, I FOUND THAT EVERYTIME I NEEDED TO TALK TO THIER FATHER ABOUT THE KIDS SHE WAS STEPPING IN NOT LETTING ME TALK TO HIM AND SHE WAS CALLING ME AND SHE WOULD "TELL" ME WHEN I WAS GOING TO SEE THE KIDS ,AND "WHEN" I WAS GOING TO TAKE ONE TO THE DR. OR BASICALLY IT WAS LIKE SHE WORE THE PANTS AND SHE WAS DAD INSTEAD OF HIM BEING DAD.WELL I DIDNT AGREE WITH HER ONE DAY. AND ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE, I FOUND MYSELF IN COURT ABOUT 3 WEEKS LATER THEY WERE FILING FOR CHILD SUPPORT AND FULL COSTODY ,I THOUGHT IT WAS SOOOOOOO FUNNY BEING I HAD MY LETTER SAYING I WOULD NOT HAVE TO PAY HIM BECAUSE HE OWED ME AND HE HAD;NT BEEN THERE FOR OUS CHILDREN IN YEARS. WELL LET ME TELL YOU THIS LADY WAS GOOD SHE PAINTED THIS GOD AWFUL PICTURE OF ME ALLLLLL LIES THIS IS WHERE THE LYING STARTED AND AT FIRST I THOUGHT SHE WAS DOING THIS TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD IN FRONT OF THE JUDGE , THIS IS 4 YEARS LATER I HAVE BEEN LOCKED UP 1 TIME FOR 12 DAYS . FOR CONTEMPT OF COURT BECAUSE THIS LADY WENT FOR HIM WELL HE WAS BY HER SIDE BUT IT WAS ALL HER WRITING AND HER WORDS (LIES), THEY WOULD FILE COURT MOTIONS AND SHE WAS GOOD REALLY GOOD SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT THE COURT DATE WOULD COME BEFORE I RECIEVED THE LETTER IN THE MAIL , THEN SOMETIMES I WOULD GET TO TALK TO MY EX WHEN I KNOEW SHE WASNT THERE AND I COULD HAVE BEEN KNOCKED OVER WITH A FEATHER THE THINGS HE WOULD SAY TO ME THAT SHE WOULD BE TELLING HIM I SAID ,I MEAN DOWN RIGHT NASTY GOD AWFUL LIES.AND THE SAD PART IS THAT SHE HAS HIM CONVINCED THAT WHAT SHE WAS TELLING HIM WAS TRUE ,HOW CAN PEOPLE DO THESE THINGS AND LOOK A PERSON RIGHT IN THIER FACES AND NOT EVEN BLINK AN EYE AND BE TELLING A BALD FACED LIE. THIS IS A REALLY FINE EXAMPLE OF THE MANY MANY LIES I HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH FROM THIS WOMAN , SHE DOES MY CHILDRENS LAUNDRY AND SHE HAD MISSED PLACED A PAIR OF MY DAUGHTERS SCHOOL PANTS SHE CLAIMED THEY SEARCHED THIER HOUSE UP AND DOWN AND THE PANTS WERE NOT THERE SHE INSISTED THEY WERE AT MY HOUSE AND MY DAUGHTERS FATHER CALLED HERE YELLING AT HER AND TELLING HER THAT IF THE PANTS DIDNT COME HOME WITH HER THEN SHE WOULD BE GROUNDED UNTIL THEY DID RETURN, WELL I SEARCHED MY HOME WHICH IS A VERY SMALL APT. AND THEY ARE NOT HERE, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED . THE CRAZY LADY AFTER CAUSING SUCH A STINK FOUND THE PANTS AND INSTEAD OF SAYING OH HERE THEY ARE I FOUND THEM SHE HID THEM AND SWORE STILL THAT THEY WERE NOT THERE AND MY DAUGHTER WAS GROUNDED FOR SEVERAL DAYS AND THEN ONE NIGHT "LYN" CAME INTO MY DAUGHTER'S ROOM AND SAID THAT SHE WOULD GO BUY HER THE EXACT SAME PAIR OF PANTS AND THEY WOULD TELL THAT WE FOUND THEM HERE AT MY APT. AND TOOK THEM OVER THERE WHEN HE WAS'NT HOME SO SHE WOULD'NT BE GROUNDED ANYMORE, WELL A COUPLE DAYS AFTER SHE SAID THIS TO MY DAUGHTER SHE CAME INTO HER ROOM AND HANDED HER THIS PAIR OF PANTS THAT HAD NO TAGS ON THEM AND HAD THE SAME EXACT WRINKLES FROM WHERE SHE HAD ROLLED THEM UP BECAUSE IT WAS RAINING THE DAY SHE HAD TAKEN THEM OFF. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME HOW CAN I SAY OR DO SOMETHING SO IT DOES'NT RUB OFF ON MY CHILDREN THEY HAVE HORROR STORIES THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH BECAUSE OF THIS WOMAN AND HER LIES AND SHE EVEN BRIBES THEM TO LIE FOR HER TO THIER FATHER AND THEN SHE REWARDS THEM WHEN THEY SAY WHAT SHE TELLS THEM H E L P !!! A TRUELY CARING MOM IN KY[/list]