help, please

I lied to my husband again yesterday. It was a stupid, idiotic white lie that I stood to gain nothing from. My resolution was go quit lying in all shapes and forms to him of all people, and I've been so proud of myself for the last month or so. Why the hell did I screw up again? Why am I destroying everything I love? He hasn't said yet, but I think he may want me to leave this time. And today is our oldest son's 8th birthday. Can anyone please explain to me why I keep doing this?

I've told my husband on several occasions I would like to find some kind of help. I had a few counseling sessions with a Baptist preacher a few years back, but quit going after two or three sessions because my husband is Catholic and thinks all Baptists are hypocrites. He has the strongest will power I have ever seen in anybody and when he sets his mind to do something or quit doing something, he does. I'm just the opposite. I finally came to realize a few years ago that I have a VERY addictive personality and it is unbelievably hard to break bad habits. I even asked him this time if I could talk to our priest. He doesn't understand why I can't stop on my own and he says my lying isn't something that can be "cured" through therapy.

Mimysery, your husband should not dictate who you can have therapy with. Have you tried to go to a regular therapist, or maybe see if you can find a support group? You have a problem and it probably can't be solved just becouse you want it to be solved, with no support. He should support you and be there for you.

Thanks, Jasmin. I've looked into support groups and therapy, but I live in a very small college town in the Mississippi Delta, and even good general practitioners are hard to come by. At the very least, I'd have to drive two or three hours and on top of that, I'm unemployed at the moment and don't have any insurance. I've already got a lot of medical bills backed up because I have Crohn's Disease. I'm literally out of ideas. Life has been very, very hard in my household the past two years-financially and health-wise.

It sounds like your situation is really difficult. I can't get therapy either, but this place helps me a lot and I feel better. You will get stronger, mimysery Maybe you could even try to find a part time job, if you can.

Thanks, Jasmin. It realy does help to know I can come here and just vent if nothing else. I've never felt so lonely and lost in my life. I am trying desperately to find a job. I think the tension and stress in my household would be so much better if I was working full-time again. I had a great job for six years and all it took was one bad year for rice crops and I'm laid off. My husband was in nursing school for three years and due to an emergency appendectomy last December, failed his last class by 1/10 of a point. He took the EMT course and just started working for the first time in five years. However, his pay isn't enough for us to get by on. He barely makes over minimum wage! He's going back to nursing school in May and I'm taking online classes to get my associates degree in teaching. Until then, though, we are literally living hand to mouth.

Maybe you can look for a job at a supermarket or some store, untill you can find something better. You will be ok. You can come here and vent when you feel sad, like you said.