new to the forum and unsure

Hello I am new to the site as a whole, as well as this forum. I've been struggling lately and am completely unsure where to go. For years now I've have some suspicions that I might be a compulsive liar, or something of the sort. I am nervous to go to my therapist or parents about it, mostly for fear of judgement. Admitting that I have these suspicions is essentially admitting I lie a lot, which is obviously not the best situation. For context, I am a 20 year old woman, diagnosed with GAD, social anxiety, and ADHD. I am currently in the process of getting a new psych evaluation, since my psychiatrist and therapist think I may have autism. I'm not sure if these issues would connect to the lying, I just wanted to cover all the bases.

Anyways, since I can remember, I've lied about really dumb things that don't really "matter". For example, I'll say i've seen a movie or read a book that I haven't, or that I've heard of a topic that I haven't. When I lie about these things, its usually just an on-the-fly reaction, as if I can't even stop myself. And, once I do it, I never correct myself. I assume this is somewhat normal when you're a child, but it just continued for me.

However, some lies that I've told have been much larger. For example, when I was a freshmen in college (i'm now a senior), and I met the people who are now my best friends, I told them I had slept with certain people that I haven't. I'm not a virgin, so it wasn't to seem "cooler" necessarily. I told them I had slept with a guy in the army, which I haven't. I'm not attracted to military men, and none of them have any connection to the military. But, I said it anyway for no reason. And, once they asked me more about it, I made up a fake name, age, everything that I would reasonably know about this guy who I had presumably slept with. Now, I live with these friends in an apartment, we do everything together. Once in a while when they bring up the military guy (usually joking around or something), and I just go along with it. I've had so many opportunities to correct it, but I never have. Each of them have their own struggles with mental health, one much worse than myself, so I know they'd understand if I told them I had a problem.

This is only one example, but I've told lies like this so many times that its hard to keep track. They keep me up at night, worrying that one day everyone will find out, or i'll slip up and reveal myself. No one's ever called me out on it so far, which sort of makes it worse, since I have no "reason" besides basic decency to come clean. I have no idea what to do, if its bad enough to bring it up to my psychiatrist or therapist, or if I actually have a condition. I try really hard to stop, and I'm getting better, but its still a huge part of myself that I can't seem to shake. Any advice or anything at all is welcome. Sorry if this is all stupid and I'm intruding on your space! I really don't want to clog the forum with my whining!!!

Welcome !

None of this is stupid and you're definitely not whining . Compulsive disorders are not poor choices . In most instances , they are not choices at all , at least not in the traditional sense .

I am a compulsive gambler . I gambled with money I desperately needed to pay rent or bills or buy food . One of my frequent laments ( besides calling myself an idiot , a weakling , a hopeless degenerate, etc. ) was " Why are you doing this to yourself ?! " .

I haven't really found an answer to that , even after 7 years of recovery . I have , however , discovered that I am not an idiot , a weakling or a hopeless degenerate . I discovered that overcoming compulsive behavior is hard work . I learned how to forgive myself and accept that " gambling me " was not really me , it was me under the control of an irrational and overwhelming compulsion .

There is a lot of good information here and I hope you learn some useful things from it but I can tell you this - hiding our problems never solves them . It just gives them a dark place to grow in.