I don't know what to do

Hello!

I'm new here and I really want to understand what the hell is wrong with me and how to solve this problem.

I have lied since I can remember even when I was younger I would always make up lies in order to draw attention to me. For some reason, I always feel like the truth is never good enough.

I know that I lie for attention and to make myself look better I don't want people to know ME I want them to see the perfect image one that is smarter and more successful I want them to know me as that person person that is 200 times better than them has lots of talents and just ideal.

For example: I speak 3 languages, some will say that it's pretty cool to even be able to speak 3 languages but nope! instead of 3 I will say 5 and add some crazy language like Japanese to WOW everyone and I love it , I love doing it SO much, I love that feeling. But after that feeling leaves I'm afraid that I will be caught and regret doing it. So, in order not to get caught I keep up personas ( imagine being an actress and playing random roles of successful people)

I go to Salon as a 30 something woman who an doctor and get my nails done, then I go to store and I'm suddenly a foreign exchange student who can't speak English well.


First of all, I was never a social kid, I was overweight ( still am) so never felt like part of the group, I was a pretty intelligent kid and my mom always told my relative of how smart but as I got older I needed more attention so in order to get it I decided to fake MY WHOLE LIFE. Lied to parents to teachers that my parents where well of mom was judge and dad was a builder.

How did I finish high school? Of course will straight A's !

Teachers asked me where I wanted to go to college me : Oh I got scholarship in American University ( MIT--> this is alone cringe worthy) ( by the way I'm not from USA)

I lied so much about my education and stuff that I don't know what to do. I told school I would be going to USA I told my Friend I would be going to another EU country for education and those lies they don't even match.
My lies aren't unbelievable type of lies they are pretty believable as long as I control the story and not overdo it.
For example since 7 grade everyone knows that I don't eat meat and that I have low blood sugar.

Not because I'm vegan or vegetarian NOPE I started lie that I was allergic to meat in 7 grade and HAD TO KEEP IT UP this long. Why? Because I wanted to be unique from my classmates.

I didn't grow up with bad parents I had a GREAT childhood but even though that I still lied everywhere I went: at singing class, dance class and told crazy stories that WOWED everyone like last week I told my local shop clerk I was a Muslim and I was fasting for Ramadan.
I don't even know why i did that like I wouldn't gain everything from it I just lied to wow him ??????

Also as I mentioned above I had no friends so I turned to internet and started cat fishing people I made things so bad that there's this one person who was suicidal and I can't rid of him now if I leave he might lose it and I don't want that and feel bad about it now. I have been talking to him for 4 years and i fed him bunch of lies that I'm from mob family and stupid $#%^ like this and that I have sever insomnia and I don't sleep much. ( Lied to other guy that I have 3 kids for no reason.... ( and no I don't want to have kids at all I just made it up) )

Please I really need someone to guide me I don't know who to go to which therapist what I know is that I need to get help for real this is just too much I know I will ruin my life if I keep this up.

I could relate and laugh with what you wrote.

I loved you wanted be special, unique, and stand out so you lied.......
But, you do stand out and are so unique already. Just the way you lied is unique, you kept up with a lie since the 7th grade of being allergic to meat!
You are something special, I usually don't keep up my lies that long.


Yeah.... So, taking care of this issue goes deeper than stop lying.
As you elluded to their is a lack of sense of self worth, deep need for, not just others validation, but others glorification of you.

There are different psychoanalytic explanations.
The best, or more recent profound read for me is: neurosis and human growth by Karen Horney.

Also the book Radical Honesty is great.
The author has trained a bunch of coaches that do Radical Honesty styled therapy that is super helpful for people like us.
It's very eastern influenced.
Very good.
They are helping me a ton.

Check out the stickies here.
They are amazing.

You sound young.
Take care of it now before this problem snowballs into avalanche that is irreversible.
And that point of irreversible comes quicker than many think.
Meaning start now.

You had the perfect upfront question, "what the heck is wrong with me and how do I solve this problem?". I have the same question and want the same answer. Obviously I don't have it cause here I am, messed up again. I've got lots to learn.