Serious lying problem

My name is Thomas.

I'm currently a sophomore in high school at the age of 16 years old. I've always been a bit of a lazy person, and ever since I first started getting real grades in the 6th grade, I've gone down the wrong road.

It started with my first few missed homeworks. I'd get in trouble with my parents for missing them, but the worst was yet to come. I'd attempt to lie my way out without realizing the idiocy and what consequences that brought with it.

I'm the youngest of 4 children by a little under 7 years, and the youngest of all of the 20+ cousins I have. All 3 of my siblings are graduated college. All 3 had impressive high school transcripts, participated in extra-curriculars, and were solid athletes. All of my cousins were in the same boat. Many went to great colleges, like UVA and Stanford. I can compare with them in terms of athletics, and I've got the brains to perform up to their standards, but it's never really shown on my report cards due to my laziness. That in itself is bad enough, but lying has become an instinct for me. Before I know it I've already dug myself a deep hole of lies, and my parents soon find out and I'm screwed yet again.

Now 5 years in, I've gotten to an all time low. I've lied left and right throughout this year, costing me all sorts of privileges. All of this has continually stacked up since about the 8th grade, which has in turn hurt everything in my life. My social life has taken a hit due to the repercussions, I've lost some very cool opportunities, and, perhaps worst of all, I feel like I've been a total disappointment to my parents. We've sat down and talked about it many times as these things come up, but it instead turns into my parents talking and me sitting there, emotionally wrecked, and truly feeling nothing but sadness. I'm not sure whether I'm sad because I was caught, or because I'm mad at them, or because I'm upset that I keep disappointing them, but its an intense feeling.

I'm not sure why I immediately resort to lying when they get mad at me, but it's gotten to a point where I'll lie over something so trivial that it really makes no sense to lie. It's ruining my relationship with my parents, and I know I'm causing them a lot of pain because they don't deserve this from me. They already raised 3 great children, and I've come along and lied my way through life and wrecked my home life. It's gotten to the point where my mom and I can hardly sit in the same place together. Part of that comes from things other than lying, but I won't go there in this piece.

I don't tend to lie about the things teenagers typically lie about: drinking, smoking, sneaking to peoples houses, etc... Instead, its mainly about my school life, grades, and things like that. It's so hard to see them worried over it because they know I have all the tools for success. I've tested very very well on all the standardized tests I've done, so they know I have the brains to be successful, but they also know that I continually lie about nearly everything and I think that attitude has swung around and hurt my work ethic.

I used to think about lying before I would do it, but it's become 2nd nature to me. I'm writing this off of the back of another lie and realizing that I really just can't keep doing this. I know I have a serious problem, and I need to fix it as quick as I possibly can.

The problem is, I can hardly talk to my parents about anything. I often can't work up the courage to ask them if I can go out with friends even though they almost 100% will say yes. I keep hearing that we just need to sit down and talk it out, but I can't bring myself to do that. And before I know it, I will have lied in that conversation, too, and then I'm completely sunk.

I can't keep putting them through this though. They don't believe a word that comes out of my mouth. And I know they will love me no matter what, but I can't keep being a let down and the disappointment of my family because I can't break out of a lying habit.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Sorry if it's excessive and there's a lot of unrelated info. This is written by my emotions.

Welcome Thomas ,

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this . Compulsions are terrible things that leave us feeling helpless and hopeless against them . But they can be managed . It sounds like your parents don't quite understand that what you're experiencing is compulsive , not willful behavior .

I think you should try to make them understand that you need help . It may be a difficult conversation but reaching out is the first step , no matter how painful or embarrassing . It may be as simple as telling them that you don't know why you do it , but you can't seem to stop yourself and you need some help .

A good time to have this conversation is when you and they are in a calm state of mind . Your parents do love you and I know they would want to support you in finding ways to overcome this destructive impulse . It can done and you don't have to do it alone .

It is a doable thing. Not easy but you can get through it. And I agree with the idea that you should talk to your family , your parents about it. Figure out what you want to be, who you want to become, and what things you can do to get there. Go over those things with your parents and let them help you. I've gone to counseling more than once but my wife ended up being my best counselor. She helped me figure out things about myself that I had no idea about. Maybe your parents could be that for you also. Good luck