Reaching out for help and options.

So shall we start this?

I'm 30 and for the last 20 years of my life I have suffered from lying. In also adhd and have manic depression.

So let's touch on the last year of my life as this is what has pushed me to seeking help and figuring all this out.

I entered a relationship 1 year ago and from there it all came crumbling down. Previously I was a loner and my past relationships never pushed much into my true self or my past as this one has.

Now due note in the last year there has been 4 major lies which should've each been a changing point in my life and I did the whole run away and avoid and though I left it behind me.

Lie #1 I had a previous agreement with a person over a vehicle and she renigged on it and asked for it back, now to cover it up I went to really really lengthy exstent like crazy. My feelings during this time were that I could handle this on my own and felt it would be easier to push that I had it under control, now I thank my girlfriend at the time that she didn't let up. Eventually it all came crashing down, all the lies and the fake made up stuff. What I finally pulled from this was I have a problem and a part that I run from and it was dangerous.

Lie #2 I was turned down from a job that I desperately needed so I kept looking but I lied and said I landed it, I found a job that would pull me out of town for 3 weeks and I lied I was going out of town with the job I said I got, I fabricated stories and people at the time I did it to assure myself that I would be ok and to justify in my mind that it would all work out in a attemp to make something right until the I could fully cover it up. Well to say it ended badly and I lied to try to cover it up. She found out and still remainder by my side threw this.

#3 lie: well I quit smoking for a while and I had to go out of town to deal with personal issues when I come back she found a receipt with a pack of smokes, which I did not tell her I bought, also I lied about the outcome of part of my trip to avoid confertation had to do with court just so you know. Though I told her before she found out it was not in the way I should have addressed the issue, also she confronted me and buying chips in online poker which I was ashamed and lied about, something so stupid.

Lie #4 just happen in last two weeks so I said I was on wellbutrin and the fact I wasnt, I covered it up as I was ashamed I didn't have the cash at the time to go to doctor and start.

Now that the lies have been touched, let's look at what I have been doing in the last two months, I've started going to a depression and bipolar and mental illnesses meet up once per week. I've taken steps forward to curb the small lies and have been succeful in that but it wasn't till yesterday do I become completely understanding of my trigger, I've had a tough past like many others not saying mine is worse than the next but I like to play the let's avoid it till it goes away game and then it's fine.

Now given the last 2 months I have taken huge strides forward and I know i need help that I cant do this alone, I know I will trip and make mistakes on this road to helping myself.

The one thing I tell myself is this I have to push forward and I can't stop when I fall, I'm tired of being like this, I'm tired of not being the person I know I am and letting my problems define me.

I owe it to this woman and to myself and my family to be the best version of myself. I refuse to fail and refuse to quit. I've done it so much in my life I've ran away. I've destroyed the one person in my life I've loved more than anything and she has helped me so much and I'm so thankful.

I've read threw the two post about depression and about steps to fix and help myself but what I need is support and tips to push forward.

My life will not be defined by my faults and I will show myself and the woman I love that I can fix myself and my life.

Thank you for the advice and support

Please do know that I know this is challenging and it's hars, my trigger is inadequacy as I feel I'm not good enough for anything or anyone and I work hard and where I fail I lie or I can't change something I lie or run away.

I do apologize for the spelling and grammar errors it was done threw my cell @.@

I'm not sure you'll read this considering you posted it a bit ago. However, I felt inclined to reply as no one's done so.

I know exactly where you're coming from. I myself joined this forum to address such problems, among depression and anxiety as well.

I was in a relationship too and was given a ultimatum to either stop lying or we were over. Although they didn't break up with me because of my lying, it was one of the biggest problem in our relationship. I'd make up stories to entertain them and make myself look cool. When in reality I'm a bit of a loner, so I don't have all the friends I spoke of, nor am as popular as I said I was.

I'm a recovering pathological liar. It's taken me years of therapy and seriously trying hard. The best place to start will not be your wife or family and friends, but strangers. I know it's strange to even think of, but just try it. With a stranger, there's no expectations. It's where I began, and even though my personality has dulled a bit because I'm unable to flourish my stories anymore, I'm learning about myself.. who I really am anyway.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to PM me. You need a support system, and any help I got from my therapist, I'd love to pass it along to you.