Hi there,
I've very recently admitted to myself that I still have a problem. A few years ago, when stuff went badly wrong for me as a result of lying, I thought I'd turned a corner and for a while I convinced myself I was being an honest person. But now I can see that hasn't stuck. Recently, I've moved away from my parents to a new environment and now I feel I'm back to square one.
I don't lie about everything, but that doesn't make it better. I lie about areas of my life which I think are uninteresting or lacking, which would result in rejection or disapproval from people if they knew the truth. I did this when I was younger too, but now the lies are more plausible and less elaborate. A lot of the time they take the form of extensions of true things that have happened.
I so want to stop. I have made a very conscious effort to not lie to anyone in the days since I admitted my problem to myself. But I know that as time passes, subjects which I have previously lies about will come up, and this will not be so easy. Now that I'm aware of my problem, I'm constantly torn up with anxiety about the repercussions of my actions, and self loathing for decieving people I love. I haven't told anyone else of my predicament yet. I just don't see how I can come clean and move forward in this environment where I'm not surrounded by people who will support me through the inevitable depression that will follow. I know the people around me don't deserve to be lied to. But I'm so scared about what the rejection that follows would do to me. I have depression and anxiety as it is.
Please help?