Do you confess to old lies or just move forward?

Hi All,

I'm new here and this is my second posts. I'm close to 40 and have realized in the past 10 years or so that I am a compulsive liar. I have begun to understand why I lie (low self-esteem plus other issues). I have very limited contact with my family (I see my parents maybe 5-7 times a year) and I have no friends I consider close. I would really characterize them more as acquaintances that I am friendly with.

My question is should I come clean with them about my past lies or just start not lying to them. The only lie that I can say would really come up again is that I claimed to currently be dating someone because my cowrokers have made several comments about "old maids" and how pathetic they are in regards to one of the ladies at work and I felt uncomfortable being in my 30s and not married yet.

When a compulsive liar stops lying is confession usually done to everyone you've lied to or just close family and/or friends? I have never lied about anything having to do with my job. Again, the only thing was that I had a more serious relationship with this guy I was "dating". There was a real person but it never went past a certain level.

As far as my parents go, they know almost nothing about my life. We are not close and never will be. Is the confession by a compulsive liar done to hold the liar responsible...to ask forgiveness from the lied to party?.....to start a relationship on honest footing or all three? I know my parents will not be supportive based on past experiences (they have their own issues) so is it better to just try and fix this on my own. Also, are there support groups for compulsive liars?

I never confess my lies, even when painted into a corner. I'll defend my fake realities until they're manually uncovered by someone.

I usually move forward or downplay the hyperbole I've used. I feel like I don't want to burn bridges. Often I'll admit to using finesse and go over what really happened, but, if the lie is too big, I just move forward.

It's a real fear of mine to lose the respect of people I care about because my family often turns on people very suddenly and makes copious judgments. I worry that someone who I enjoy will think less of me and throw me by the wayside.

I actually give people more reason to leave from my dishonesty. I want to be the best person I can be-- my Übermenschen, but I cannot do that until I realize that I deserve to share my reality and truth. My truth will bring about what's best for my situation, so why should I be lying? I don't deserve that.

It's like intuitive eating. Why might a binge eater want to hurt her stomach and eat too much? Because she feels she don't deserve to enjoy their meals? Possibly. I deserve at the very least some respect from myself. As RuPaul famously declared, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell [are] you gonna love somebody else?"