New here...and desperately need some support

Hello...

Im a 38 year old female and Ive been lying my whole life. I was raised in an emotionally abusive home and I used lying as a survival skill...tried to invent "perfect' to avoid trouble as much as I possibly could. Lying at an early age becomes a dangerous habit, and while it may have got me through my childhood, it has destroyed my self esteem and I run the risk of losing the most important people in my life. I have lied to the love of my life. I have told him the most despicable unbelievable lies..its the most humiliating and shameful thing I have ever done. Why is it that of all the people in my life, I have lied the worst to the one person I love with all my heart? Not just little white lies, either. Big ugly lies. Things I cant even bring myself to admit in this anonymous forum. I have so much hate for myself for doing this that I can hardly function.

I reached a breaking point. I thought of killing myself but luckily decided that was the worst way out. I found some strength inside me to relaize that there is a good person underneath all the lies, and I want to change. I am exhausted from living like this and I took the first step - I told him about my problems. I talked about my childhood for the first time and told him that Ive lied my way through life and want to stop, and that I need help. He has been so wonderful and supportive and has done more than I could imagine to help. But...I have yet to tell him all the lies I have told him. I am so afraid. I am so fragile right now and even though he keeps telling me to trust him..that he doesnt care what the lies are...Im still terrified.

Please....if you have come clean and your relationship SURVIVED, please tell me your story. I need all the support and motivation I can get right now. Please help.

Hi Scared

Its great that you have finally faced up to your problems - are you now seeking professional help??

And yes, my relationship with my BF has survived after he told a zillion lies and a good few big ones as well.

Im glad that you have come clean to your bf - and where are you going from here?

Please feel free to PM me and I will answer any questions you have.