I must be the scum of the earth

write to this post with a lot of remorse I feel. I feel like I am the single most scum of the earth. I am 24 years old and a compulsive liar. I have lied about serious things in my life. I cant really understand why I do these things. A brief background on my early life I grew up with a mom and dad and a older brother. My life seemed okay. My mom who is psychologist was also critical of me and had outbursts of anger. Whenever things didn't go her way she yelled and raised her voice at my dad. My mom felt the need to tell me I was a waste of egg and sperm. My mom even had gone so far to tell me at seven that she wished divorced my father and left me and my older brother with my dad. so she could keep her private practice in Florida as a psychologist. We moved from Florida to Arizona when I was about five. At Four my dads mom touched me when I was five. My grandfather was a bipolar manic that is all I remember. She had pretended like nothing had ever happened and years later blamed for it. At 11 my brother tried to make a sexual advance at me and this why my relationship will be volatile with him. I realize the things have done could of done could of put me in prison. I am starting to wake up and realize my actions and I am remorseful for my actions. The truth I have no sense of identity and I am ashamed that I am alive as a human being. Truth is I don't need the judgment of another human being but advice on what I can do to move forward.

ok OP you're in a tough spot and I won't profess to being an expert in helping you. Instead I will lead you to an expert who changed my life. Read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and internalize it.

i know exactly what u are going through now
i am exactly where u are
u know what would make u feel even more like SCUM
if u went all out and CONFESSED to all those lies u would feel worse
the confession is probably what others would think is right but TRUST ME, going forward is the most important thing
live in the present, tell yourself AT THIS PRESENT moment, i do not lie or exaggerate and that is good enough

NO NEED to go all out and be confessional
the people u have lied to , they know, because almost no habitual liar is good at lying so people do know
remember do not need to confess but every moment check yourself