Difference between a compulsive liar and a Narcissist?

I just came out of a relationship with someone who I think was one or the other or both. Reader's Digest version: For the last two years he literally disappeared on me. There were a few emailsl along the way stating he was being "detained" on "lockdown", (this only makes sense in relation to other lies/stories he told me), and that he still loved me. After a year-and-a-half from his last email, I found him on FB living in Irving, TX engaged to someone else Of course I was devastated, their relationship began, you guessed two years ago.

So what would be the difference between the two?

Compulsive liars usually have empathy and tend to lie without thought or plan to it. Narcissists lie deliberately and knowingly to bring attention to themselves as a form of "supply". They do not have empathy.

So, the main difference is intent. Compulsive liars usually aren't aware of any intent (unless they engage in some serious self-reflection) and just lie about anything and everything without thought, narcissists deliberately lie to gain attention and it is almost always a conscious act.

Dealing with issues stemming from compulsive lying myself, but not being that familiar with narcissism, habitual liars tend to lie to do anything from avoid punishment, mask pain, wishful thinking, attention, to impress, all usually stemming from low self-esteem.

I've compulsively lied to get away from who I was, to fit in/posture, to have a good story to tell. I was at the worst with this in my teens and early twenties but the wishful thinking ones still nail me to this day. Like I frequently wonder if I seriously ruined my life because of telling lies to cover up past lies. Sometimes the lies are planned other times they just come out. I feel wracked with guilt over all the lies I've told hence my username. Even if they didn't result in heavy consequences or hurting other people. Still.

Even if it is a conscious act to get attention, you can still be a compulsive liar. The primary root of it is low self-esteem and the ingrained belief that people will not like you/think less of you on account of your real self/experiences/origins/etc.

From what I gathered, it sounds like this guy lied to cover his tracks and avoid punishment and it was all deliberate. Did he frequently lie about other things, even if they were inconsequential?

Well, he over exaggerated his military experience. He was in the Navy and he may have worked with SEALS, but he claimed to be a SEAL himself (he even had the Trident, that SEALs earn when they complete BUDs training). When I met him he was in the Army and it never occurred to me that an active member of the military would outright lie about their experience. This explains his ongoing emails about be "detained" and on "lockdown" etc. Another trait of his, is he runs away from people. When I met him in 2000, he had just being reunited with his sisters who had not seen him for about 8 years. He dropped contact with them again in 2009. His girlfriend/fiancee has never met his family. I have spoken to one sister and she told me their mother was exactly the same. She told her kids that her family had died in car accident, but that was a lie. She was able to reunite with her Grandma and biological father four years ago. Their mother also ran away from her own kids; they didn't find out that she had died until two years after it happened.

It may be self-esteem issues, but he really has a lot to be confident about. He is handsome, smart, anything involving hand-to-eye coordination he excels at (which made be believe even more that he was a SEAL), so I don't if his lying was a need for supply or something inherited.

Know the old phrase "can't see the forest for the trees"?

Even someone who on the surface (at least to an outsider) has much to be confident about can seriously hate themselves. I was constantly bullied about my appearance and heritage growing up. It blew my mind to have men constantly trying to sleep with me as a young adult. Non-existent self-esteem can drive a person to do some pretty awful things...as sad as it sounds, I lied less after I saw how much male attention I was able to attract. It was like I proved my bullies wrong. But I still had crippling self-esteem issues comparing myself to other women. Then ironically I was at my attraction peak this past summer...at my heaviest. Go figure.

He may have lied just out of not feeling good/interesting enough. Just to give himself a sense of superiority. Inherited disorders is also a possibility; I know I inherited borderline personality to some degree from my mother who had a history of various mental problems in her family. My mother did lie a lot but I think I have more. Compulsive lying is frequently a symptom of BPD. If his mother frequently lied and ran away from people (and not in the friends that come and go sense), it's highly possible he inherited a disorder or two from her.

People also lie out of wishful thinking, to avoid punishment and confrontation, or just because. Low self-esteem, pain masking, wishful thinking, and insecurity can manifest differently.