Where should I start cracking this shell?

Hello? For starters english is not my native language so pardon me. I'm 19 years old. I think I have Compulsive lying crap going on, at least if you can trust the other posts. About my history. I was very high aiming and computer/gaming addict who could learn things fast. Because I was easy learner I was also easy goer in my "youth". In some point between 10y-12y from my birth, I thought my self that social skills and charisma is the golden key.

Well what am I now then? To sum it up:

I'm very regular young man with higher education program gone thru. My parents have good income and I do not have any problems since my school have gone more or less well, and I have also job, future plans and no problems with social skills...

Half truths.

Regular 19yrs old doesn't weight 115kg which is pretty much for my age, I'm not incapable of daily activities and my job is physical, but still. I have never been fond of sports. Oh and lets not forgot that colesterole levels in my body are high enough to make me hospital bed fungus in age of 40.

My parents cant stand conversations with me and vice versa, because they don't believe anything I say anymore. My friends (my family) are like spiderweb reaching many different branches. I just swap personality for every group of ppl and I try not to mix them together. And to mention I have lost over 60% of them because I just ended up not answering the phone after $#%^ went down the drain.

My schoolings after age 11 were passed 50% with lies and cheating("I have this funeral, cant come to test ect.) Same goes with my job. I only go to job when my bipolar is showing the green light and I feel manic, other times I lie to my boss and be somewhere smoking weed.

Yes I have weed addiction. But oh! dont get me wrong here. I just prefer weed over alcohol or other drugs which I have tried. (Simply because In my hearth I really think that weed is more safe than any other drugs.You cannot change my mind.) If I run out of weed, I get really anxious and usually end up drinking.

I never had sex and it has impact in my mind, not to say I'm not able to have untill I find some solution for my self. It is not because I'm ashamed of my appearance, its because I tend to mix up messages and always end up blocking my self from even trying.

To focus on this lying theme I lie about everything more or less (I often enchant and modify truth, even if it is not needed). Lying is my "Social skill" and my "Charisma". My "key". I lie about my day. I lie about my friends doings. I lie about you and I lie mostly about me. I build up pasts that are mostly fantasies. I impress people with lies. ... and the best thing about this is that I think my most loved ppl, see inside my head and only listen me for the 70% of the time, and this drives me crazy when I'm trying to be absolute honest.

Absolute honest doesn't fit to my mouth because I don't always know if I speak truth or false. Most of the time my life and memories are 50/50 mix of truth and reality (inside my head, not only your head) I cannot trust others, I cannot trust my self. My life is titled "The Lie". I said i have future plans. Well i have not, or I do, but they are just lies to my self to compensate that void. I don't actually have any ######6 Idea how to do anything in this world since the normal life seems to be enough adventure and survival for rest of my life.

Everybody is asking about my life and what am I doing. I smile and say stuff about engineer studies. Ofc I have no plans as I said before. I dont know any and I dont figure any, and now I'm just waiting the incoming void when I get thrown out from the house (Yes still leeching parents). I'm scared of life. Terrified. Every simple thing has became REALLY twisted.

I know this is Compulsive Lying part of the forum, but I dont know where to put this thread. It ended up to be some sort of puke thread but I assure that everything I say here was 100% fact and I'm really taking this seriously cos I'm scared of my mind flipflopping away since its at this moment somekind of unsolved puzzle where I can see the pieces but i cannot put them together.

My friends are often complaining that I over analyze things. It can be possible that I over analyze this too, but If its that way then my analyzing is paralyzing everything else and I have other kind of problems. In that case I would ask if some kind soul would throw this post to other place where I could get help with this.

I finished 2 years of weekly meetings with psychiatrist, but only thing he was to me was parent-like relationship (Not like I have with my own parents). Psychiatrist said to me that there is some kind of shield that cannot be broken and I think its lying. Example of this shield was situation where this dr.nice asked me for example about my deepest emotions (anything deep in general). I was not able to answer, my brains tilted and I couldnt think any kind of an answer.

Long introduce, short question: I want to achieve something else, than just destroying my life with bad habits. Tell me how?

I know how world works and I know all generall stuff and more. I need something more than "Stop lying" or "Weed is bad for you". I would stop if I could... And I fear that only way to stop this corkscrew going thru my head is to behead myself. I love life as an materialist, but hate everything else.