Definition of:Compulsive Lying

My best friend is sweet, attractive, bubbly and a complete fraud. She lies about absolutely everything. I'm to the point of comfronting her, but I don't think it would be wise. She's in denial (don't even know I am lying) and would just lie. Is there any professional help that would make an honest person out of her? She's a pro at convincing someone of a lie - and I can't take any more. I fear for her future.

I am at my wit's end - I have been married for 5 years and the lies started the night before the honeymoon. I was getting ready to pack and my hubby told me we couldn't afford to go - he'd known for a week but didn't tell me. Over the years, he's lied about whether he added our kid to his medical plan, making bank deposits, paying bills. - It always seems to be about money.

When accused of lying, he defends to the point I show him proof. I have been humiliated several times - he has let ME end up lying to bankers and insurance companies - because I believed him!!

Our 5th wedding anniversary is this week and I've realized it has been going on for the whole 5 years.

Three years ago, I dragged him to a therapist and she said it was a symptom of his depression and caused by that. Prozac helped a bit - but of course - he stopped taking it and LIED. (go figure.)

It's such a travesty - because other than this - he's the world's BEST catch and we're a GREAT couple - other than the fact that he constantly lies to me about money. Last week, we swore on the life of his unborn child and my life that he was telling the truth! - Wrong again...

I don't know what to do - He only lies to me mostly and about money. But it's a definite character flaw and I don't think he's going to stop...Ever. (though the prozac DID help)

Has anyone ever heard of lying being associated with depression? Has prozac helped? Do these guys ever stop? Or should I just cut and run?

If you haven't married this guy yet - RUN, do not walk to your nearest exit!!! Seriously, your life will become a living hell. My 5th wedding anniversary is Friday and I don't even want to celebrate it. (Celebrate what? 5 years of surviving/)

Seriously - I would not marry my hubby again - if I knew then what I know now and he's actually God-like other than the lying.

Don't do this to yourself.

I just read your posting from a year ago, and I'm hopeful that you may have found some way to make your marriage work.

I have been married for 17 years to a man whose word I cannot take on anything; from the most trivial ("I had a salad for lunch"-I later find 3 Big Mac cartons under the car seat) to the important ("You and the kids will always be taken care of: my life insurance policy is worth $3 million"-which translates to: I let that policy lapse several years ago.) I now handle all the finances to avoid this type of situation.

Stupidly, I let him convince me to move across the country with him last year to enjoy a wholesome "small town life". We sold our house in a market where prices had heavily escalated, and were able to buy a beautiful, historic home for cash in the new locale. In addition, I became a "stay at home Mom" for the first time in my life. (Further insuring my isolation, and for the first time, my financial dependence on him.)

He also has alcohol abuse problems. He can go months without drinking, but when he decides to drink, it is in excess and he becomes a paranoid, belligerent drunk. He is 6'4" and almost 300 lbs, and can become a real bully. At one time, I thought his problems all were rooted in substance abuse, but I've come to believe that there's more to it than that. This is just the tip of the iceberg with this relationship.

When confronted with his lies, and/or anti-social behaviors, he becomes defensive and turns the tables on me. I have tried to make him seek mental health counseling, but he refuses.

If I didn't have two incredible children (15 & 12) whom I just recently uprooted, and are doing well in their new environment, I would cut all ties and leave him in a heartbeat. But I have to consider the possible ramifications in court if his sociopathic charms work on a judge and he somehow gains some custody of them. His personality is too erratic for me to feel comfortable with him in unsupervised contact with them.

I just got my real estate license, but haven't activated it yet. Maybe I will be successful, and will be financially able to break free. But I still fear the custody issues. I don't care about the money, as long as I can support my kids and figure out a way to put them through college, if he goes off the deep end.

I plan to contact mental health services tomorrow for guidance. Did you have any luck with therapy in your situation? My husband often shows flashes of the good person that he could be. Based on his mother, I'm guessing his childhood was pretty messed up.

Best wishes to you. It's hell being in a relationship with someone you cannot trust. I hope you were able to work things out. Your wife might be like my husband: a person who is a product of a disfunctional home. Let's just hope that neither of us perpetuate that for our kids.

All I can take


Thank you for your time.[/quote]

I just recently found out that my boyfriend of 2.5 years is a compulsive liar. He will lie about anything he doesn't want to get into trouble about -- mostly about other women. I caught him cheating, but he still lies about even the minutest aspects of his infidelity. He'll even lie when confronted with incontrovertible evidence. We started seeing a counsellor, and she told us he needs individual therapy, but we are both recent graduates and can't afford regular therapy. He says he knows he has a problem and he wants to change, but of course, that could just be a lie too. I am not sure what do. I love him and want him to get better, but I am not sure if it's possible.

my husband of 5 years is a compulsive liar and will go black and blue in the face saying he is right and i am the liar even with proof and turning everything around and making it all my fault. I dont know what to do or where to go but have had enough and cant cope anymore. He has been accused of numerous affairs by other people, he lies about money where hes been and cries when i accuse him. please help me i am getting depressed ][/list]

i have been married for 12 years to a liar. my husband lies mostly about money. he hides it he runs up tabs and doesn't tell me or pay them, he steals and lies from my whole family. i am not to answer the phone or get the mail because i might fid something i am not supposed to. this has driven me to the point where i am contemplating leaving, with our 4 year old daughter. when i tell him this he says that he will get help, then makes a bogus call to the dr for an appointment that he never makes and goes into town as he has scheduled for this fake appointment, how do you breakthis cycle.what should i do we have already lost a house and car because of his lying to the bank and me and i don't think i can go through that again...

my husband is a compulsive liar. we may or may not celebrate our 2 year anniversary in october. this summer, i just couldn't take the lies anymore, and we separated.

we are both in therapy. i do love him, and i hope we can work it out...but not at the expense of my sanity.

two things that have helped me (my therapist recommended them) are:
a book called Codependent No More
and Codependents Anonymous meetings (www.coda.org)

you have to find happiness within yourself and learn to let go... perhaps things will work out with your significant other, perhaps they won't. but you can control your health and happiness. it helps to recognize things in yourself that several other people experience too...

best of luck...

Hi, everybody...

Like most people here, I'm married to a person whom I suppose is a compulsive liar. We've been together for almost 7 years, and although we were happy at times (before I found out about the lies), things have gotten unbearable those past 2 years.

I won't even start telling the about the lies he's invented and told me. From what I've read here, the stories are all the same. He only admits to lying when he gets caught, and always swears he'll change, which obviously has never happened. Now he admits he's got a pathological problem, and that he'll get professional help.

I just need to know if there's hope. Does anyone here know of someone who has recovered from this disease? Is anyone here a recovered compulsive liar? I'm desperate, beginning to doubt the purpose of it all, and seriously considering divorce. I know I can't take much more of this life. I don't trust a word he says anymore, and I've started to hate him. I've been feeling so depressed and worthless that I'm beginning to feel like I'm the one in need of therapy. Can anyone please shed some light on this issue? Is there hope?

exausta i am sorry to here what you are going through.

I told everyone nearly 3 years ago that i was dying from cancer. Reason for it, Alcholic, marriage break up, mid life crisis, self worth, lonely, un-loved, un-cared for etc and probably from the way i acted for the next 18 months a mental break down.

For that first year i intollerably lied compulsivly for my health lie. friends and family cried for me, they loved me. I know it was false but for the first 4 - 6 weeks i didn't. I woke up one morning screaming with a nightmare and realised it was lie and i wasn't and what am i gonna do. You would say tell someone, tell the truth. That was not an option. I played it as a cure that took a year to fix me, that way i wouldnt loose face and i could keep the pretencse of for that long. Other choice was, commit suicide, that way paople would think i did that so i didnt have to go through the pain the illness would cause. I gave no care or thought to my loved ones. I mean my children my girl friend, my brothers and best friends. No one. I drank heavier and heavier, and hit my comfortable two bottle of bourbon a day. I didnt care after a while. My g/f would quizz me, i lied and lied and lied and lied. I hurt and i hurt others ad i didnt care. 18 months later, last august, my then ex-girlfiend told me to come here and read about compulsive liars. I did, i found out my lie was pretty usual lie. I was not only a compulsive liar but a common compulsive liar. My lie was used by everyone, i wasnt alone, just a sad B**t**d. I got back with my ex, thank god, and started confessing all lies and telling the truth to all her questions. I lied as well, but on the most part told the truth. I spoke to everyone in my life and confessed, i lost all but my g/f and one friend. Slowly thay have come back to me, they dont want to talk about it. My family i have still lost. Took along time to get my daughter back. That was an eternity.
I don't lie complusivly anymore, stopped last year. i do lie but who the hell dosen't when they are cornered.

Inside, i feel a sad and failed individual. A bad person lurking inside of me. One that hurts others. I feel scared of myself at times. My g/f is still going through so much anguish because of what i have done to her. Herself respect, the manipualtion. Her own self worth is now damaged because of me.

Yes.... you can stop lying if you want.
No... The pain never goes away, the disgust and low self worth remains as much today as always.

regards jamostrat