Finally letting it out

Thank You Billi, that means a lot

Another pretty calm week. Did have a little bump though.
While cleaning out my wife's car after an outing I spilled a bit of coffee on her camera . I didn't realize it had hit it and didn't say anything. Is it lying by omission if you don't know you did something?
Obviously it wasn't intentional and had I known I had done it I would have told her. We talked about it but I think we disagree on it. Any thoughts?

No Colt I don't think it is lying by omission if you didn't know.

For the future though, my suggestion on how lying addicts handle situations such as these would be to - THE SECOND - the lying addict realizes they have done the kind of thing you did, acknowledge and own up to it immediately due to the fact that the longer it is left the more chance the old neuron paths will kick back in again and persuade the lying addict to not admit to it for fear of not looking perfect or fear of confrontation. It just nips all that in the bud before it can get a foothold.

I did apologize as soon as she told me I had done it. She still has anger built up from the past. Her first reply to anything that happens is to say NOTHING HAS CHANGED AT ALL. It's kind of disheartening to hear and to think she doesn't see any of the progress that I've made. I on the other hand am happy with my progress, I can see and feel it even if she can't or won't admit it. I'm in a good place mentally so i'll just keep plugging along, let the chips fall where they may.

I am in the same situation. I have had this problem for many years. I made the decision to reveal all my outstanding lies to my wife yesterday and committed to no more. Unfortunately I let one out in a moment of weakness. Nothing today though, so that is an improvement. It is very hard for me as my wife has a severe personality disorder which causes her to frequently be extremely abusive when anything upsets her. I had to endure hours of this yesterday. I am determined not to let it put me off, although I think the relationship is beyond repair.

Congratulations on your first big step. Just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time if need be when starting. Now you have a point where you can say, anything after this day I don't need to worry about and just deal with the past as it comes.
It's usually recommended not to come clean on everything until you have some recovery under your belt so you are both in a position to deal with the fallout. Telling her you have a problem and asking for help is fine. Committing to no more lies at this early stage is trouble waiting to happen as there will be slips as you found out already. This is a lifelong fight you taking on, a marathon not a sprint.
Anger and resentment should be expected, abuse is a totally different beast. If your being abused either mentally or physically you and her both need to seek help. You may need to remove yourself from the situation if you feel your safety is at risk.
One last thing, you need not tie your recovery to if the relationship fails or not. If you do your setting yourself up to fail. It has to done for you.

colt wrote:Congratulations on your first big step. Just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time if need be when starting. Now you have a point where you can say, anything after this day I don't need to worry about and just deal with the past as it comes.
It's usually recommended not to come clean on everything until you have some recovery under your belt so you are both in a position to deal with the fallout. Telling her you have a problem and asking for help is fine. Committing to no more lies at this early stage is trouble waiting to happen as there will be slips as you found out already. This is a lifelong fight you taking on, a marathon not a sprint.
Anger and resentment should be expected, abuse is a totally different beast. If your being abused either mentally or physically you and her both need to seek help. You may need to remove yourself from the situation if you feel your safety is at risk.
One last thing, you need not tie your recovery to if the relationship fails or not. If you do your setting yourself up to fail. It has to done for you.

Thanks for your encouragement and advice.
I am talking about verbal and emotional, not physical abuse, and we are both getting help. I do not feel my safety is at risk from violence. We have children who I need to comfort following outbursts they witness, and I am not about to walk away from them.
I am working on recovery regardless of what happens with the relationship.

Another god week . Our hobby is getting us out of the house and spending a lot of quality time together. Need to get back to doing book work though, been slacking just enjoying getting out.

Been a rough week A lot of arguing. Still not lying but not doing enough work on it either. Need to get my priorities back in order. Sometimes it seems I can't do anything right. A lot of stress this week. Hope next week will be better.

Been a so-so week. Everything just seems out of sync this week. Still pushing forward though. Started book work again so that helps.