Is this child abuse?

Today, in a busy parking garage at hospital medical center, I parked my car. As I got out and came around behind, a mother was extracting her son (about 4 years old) from the back seat of her car. She then pulled down his pants to his ankles exposing his genitals for all to see and then bent him over her knee and spanked his bare bottom. She hit him about 10 times. I was so disturbed by this and the potential emotional damage a child that age being publicly exposed and then spanked. I have no children so I'm certainly no expert on child discipline. Does this punishment performed in public constitute "child abuse"

Thanks for your response. I felt really guilty that I did nothing about the situation. Here in the Deep South (A.K.A. "The Bible Belt"), spanking is a generally-accepted method of punishment. And I've seen tons of that at the local Wal-Mart with a hand hitting a butt covered with clothes. This is the first time I saw a public exposure of genitals and bare-bottom spanking. At the moment this was happening I was feeling very angry at the mother and embarrassed at the boy's humiliation so didn't feel like intervening or talking with the mother due to my own feelings. His little bottom was bright red when she finished and I could hear him crying all the way to the other side of the parking garage. I didn't feel it appropriate to report the incident to authorities. At least 15 other adults witnessed this spanking so I'm hoping one of them stopped to chat with the mother about a parenting class.

This is unquestionably child abuse, in one of its worst forms. Still, people are so indoctrined with protecting the perpetrators when it comes to parents that you will make up excuses and reasons to downsize it. In Sweden, where I live, slapping a child is forbidden by law. You'll never see it happen in public (I live here now for 9 years).

Every slap had devastating effects. I recommend you read this article by Alice Miller

Dennis

Concerned Citizen wrote:Today, in a busy parking garage at hospital medical center, I parked my car. As I got out and came around behind, a mother was extracting her son (about 4 years old) from the back seat of her car. She then pulled down his pants to his ankles exposing his genitals for all to see and then bent him over her knee and spanked his bare bottom. She hit him about 10 times. I was so disturbed by this and the potential emotional damage a child that age being publicly exposed and then spanked. I have no children so I'm certainly no expert on child discipline. Does this punishment performed in public constitute "child abuse"

that is abuse my friend

Okay, can anyone please explain to me what that child could have possibly done in the backseat of a car that would have warranted that form of "discipline"?

I didn't think so... yes unequivially, that's abuse and should have been reported.

I have to agree with Angel. Everyone loves to be quick to judge, but we don't know the whole picture. We also have to understand parents make mistakes - if we jumped to conclusions everytime a parent did make a mistake the states may as well start taking our children away from us at birth. I was one of the spanked children in the "no spank" generation (1980's) and I've grown up to hate what I have ssen out of most of my peers - spoiled, disrespectfull of echother and their elders, arrogant. I am a believer in spanking (when warrented) however I do think this mom did take it to an extreme. From this example I don't think she is an abuser - just laking in disiplinary skills.

I dont think that slapping is the main thing here.But think about it ...a 4 yo child already knows what daddy got in his pants and what mommy does.And he definately knows that ppl should not see his intimate parts. On my opinion slapping is nothing compared with the childs public humiliation.
I remember when I was about that age and my parents used to take me to the beach and I had no swiming suit cause my parents thought it's good for a child to stay like this in the sun ( it is actually). But I cant even begin to explain how emabaressed I was trying to explain my parents that other kids my age may see like this and laugh at me.And it did happened. For a whole summer I was avoiding to go outside and play with the other kids . I was afraid that if that kid who saw me like that will see me again with the other kids , he will tell everyone about this and everybody will laugh at me.
It makes me so angry when I think about it , even now that I'm 24 yo. I will never forget the humiliation I was set to. And I also believe that my experience is nothing compared with that child's experience.
The mother is definately guilty.

i think it is good that there is this debate in our society right now about what is abuse.
Personally I think spanking should be banned but i do agree with Angel that it would be wrong to cry abuse and take children away at the slightest suspicion. That would also be very unrealistic and inpractical as one person has pointed out that almost every child would have to be taken away. I agree that parenting classes and the like are a better way. It's kind of a crude comparison but people don't immediatly get locked up if they run the red light or break the speed limit.

Angel wrote:
edit.

I've observed this too but i think this sort of reactions from other people say just as much about their attitude towards children. I have a feeling that in our society there still seems to be a remnant of "children should be seen but not heard" , sadly.

I understand that sometimes the way a child behaves can get on the parents nerves and then they loose their temper. But I am uncomfortable with the idea of spanking a child as a disciplinary measure. Psychologists like Alice Miller have hit the nail on the head. After all what it comes down to is this: A taller, stronger person inflicting (knowingly) physical pain on a much smaller and defensless person....it's just very unfair.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. I agree with everything you have said, and you're right, for people like me without kids it's easy to say than do.
And even though I think spanking should be banned I don't consider EVERYONE who uses this "method" on their kids as being abusive. I would consider it inadequate parenting as well....nobody is perfect. It's kind of a fine line though, I mean some of my friends have fathers who have used the belt on them simply to teach discipline. These were/are otherwise well-adjusted parents who had received the same treatment from their parents who had been beaten by their parents...and so on. The cycle needs to be broken and that's why I think spanking should be outlawed. These were not necessarily cases of abusive people acting out their problems on their kids, but an abuse of their power as an authority figure.
My parents never hit me (o.k. maybe once). Emotional withdrawel and unavailabilty was punishment enough. At least they didn't hit me in addition. We can't protect children from everything but at least we should make sure they are physically not mistreated.

Isn’t it striking how people here belittle the abuse that’s enforced on a defenceless human-being. If a dog would get a similar beating in public, you can expect public outrage. If anyone else grabs your child, pulls down his pants and beats him, the police will come and that person will get arrested and everyone agrees what a psychopath that was. But as soon as the own parent beats up a child, their OWN child, a whole range of excuses comes forward. Violence as a tool for discipline has destructive consequences for the child, his life later as an adult and society in general.

Why is it forbidden to slap your partner, your personnel, other children, but not your OWN children? Why these double standards? You spank your partner too, when he or she is disobedient?

I’m appalled that the moderator of a forum against child abuse, admits how abusing a child is a good thing, that the child deserves it. Angel, you idealize your mother, you talk with her voice, not your own.

I’ve heard many interpretations how a parent should or shouldn’t do a right spanking. ‘Not with the hand, but with a stick’, ‘not on bare skin’, ‘not with a fist but use a flat hand’. Can those people please step back and think about their own destructive behavior here for a moment?

Children that are being hit by a parent, are also being threatened. The parent blames the child for his own shortcomings and the parent enforces the child that he does it for his own good. Sometimes they even use the word love. A child cannot make comparisons and is depending on his parent(s), and it will not be able to question the parent’s behavior. Love is not about words, it’s about actions. Isn’t it striking that there’s such a misconception about love and hatred? So many women are being abused by their husband because they cannot see and feel the difference between pain and love. People go to war and kill people and call it ‘bringing peace’.

The term ‘crying abuse’ is another way to belittle the pain that’s caused in an abused child. When a child rightfully feels pain after being beaten but gets told to ‘shut up’, ‘stop crying’, ‘sit still’, ‘get up’, or otherwise the child will get into more problems, the child needs to suppress his rightful feelings (and direct/vent it to others or other objects).

Spanking is never the only method that abusive parents work with. Again, if anyone really cares about their own life and that of others, I recommend, for example, the book For Your Own Good (Hidden Cruelty in Child-rearing and the Roots of Violence) by Alice Miller. Nobody is saying to remove children from their parents is the only way. But sending out mixed signals about violence will do nothing good, on the short term, but especially on the long term. Strangely the supporters for spanking children often refer to cases of ‘spoiled’ children where there was no spanking involved. Unfortunately there are other methods in child rearing that are of similar destructive intent, like for example manipulation, punishment, abstinence of love and care, ridicule, humiliation. You don’t need to be a perfect parent to understand that a child depends on the love and care of it and you better have a time-out yourself the next time you feel anger welling up inside of you when your child expresses his pain of not being seen, not being heard, not being appreciated and not being taken seriously.

Dennis