At what point is spanking abuse? (Tw?)

I've never liked my mom. I never knew why until I really thought about my childhood. I had told my boyfriend about it one day and he considers it abuse.
(My memory of childhood is very weak, but I do remember this happening a lot. I don't know for sure how much, but I know it was often.) Whenever I did something even mildly wrong, she would yell at me and there would pretty much always be a spanking involved. Same with my little brothers, too. (It's all over, by the way, but she slapped me a few months ago for walking away during a conversation when I was angry, I think.) A good amount of the time she would use a wooden spoon, and half the time they would end up breaking. Then she would yell at us for her having to end up breaking the spoon because of our bad behavior. A pretty vivid thing I remember her spanking me for was when I let our dog in the house after we gave her a bath. I was maybe three or four and I had to hide behind our couch to avoid getting hit but it happened anyway. I think my dad was watching. I don't know if he ever tried to stop her hitting. I know he had a bad childhood with spanking so he never hit me or my brothers. He yells a lot, though, but is never abusive. He sincerely apologizes for yelling so I have more sympathy for him than my her, as much as his yelling stresses me out. My mother is the complete opposite, though. She takes on pretty much every trait that happened to her during her childhood and directs it upon us---mostly me. I'm pretty sure she hates me and plays favorites with my youngest brother. I was so scared of her when I was little, but now I have so much anger directed toward her and the world that I don't care anymore. I think she was the cause of my anger problems, at least. I take the yelling from my dad probably, heh.
So, back to the question, is it abuse, or just really bad parenting?

catastrophe,

catastrophe wrote: She would use a wooden spoon, and half the time they would end up breaking.

I was beaten, with a wooden spoon, to the point where my mother could see the bruises she was inflicting. And she got away with it! Which I consider abuse. So I have to ask, if the spoon broke, are you serious?

catastrophe wrote: now I have so much anger directed toward her ......... I don't care anymore.

Alas you care. If you didn't you would not have the anger! I had to get a no contact order against mother dearest. She tried, and tries to this date, to micromanage my life.......

catastrophe wrote: I think she was the cause of my anger problems,

This is more proof you still care.

Why are you letting yourself be ruled by her emotions? Is it not time you (and your brother) proclaim a suggestion I first ran into while watching doctor phil
Look at what I survived...... I am that strong!
Admittedly it is easier written then said, but when someone (particularly you and your brother) looks at your abuse as having survived (a survivor) the need for a therapist I hope becomes non existent.

catastrophe wrote:My memory of childhood is very weak

So is mine. But then I know I disassociate. Even now four decades later I disassociate.

Disassociation is, and was, the way I dealt with the threads to my physical and mental abuse. And let's not comment upon the emotional, but I will admit I'd hate to be someone trying to get to know me!

catastrophe wrote: I don't know if he ever tried to stop her hitting. I know he had a bad childhood with spanking so he never hit

A bad childhood is no excuse for allowing someone to abuse your child in ANY way!

catastrophe wrote:I have so much anger directed toward ......... the world

This suggests not only did your father know about/witnessed your abuse, others did too. And you knew they knew, but they did nothing to save you!!!!!! Which makes the anger fair enuff, but surely there is a better way...... (but I know not what )...... to stop them winning!

Sorry for the length, but how can we members help ?

Most people would agree that hitting someone with a spoon hard enough to break it is definitely abuse.

Many people think my view on abuse is extreme, but I think any form of hitting or spanking is abuse. It is trying to control a child with fear of pain, and that is wrong. It only worksin the short term, it does not teach the child why what they are doing is wrong, and it causes them to become more violent. It is illegal in many countries already, though I am not sure how much the law is being enforced.

Most parents think spanking is simply normal, as it happened to them, and they do not even think that it might be wrong. They also do not want to admit it is abuse because that is saying their parents were abusive to them. However, hitting someone that hard is something that is done out of pure anger, not even an attempt to teach the child something is wrong.

To answer your question simply, spanking is abuse, and you were abused by your mother.

whybother:
Of course I care that I was hurt in my childhood. I just couldn't care less about my mother's well being. She can go die. I'm possibly having dissociation issues, too. I talked about it to my therapist today and she asked me if I was abused. I explained this to her and she also says that it was abuse. So I hope I'll be able to figure out what that issue actually is. My dad does love me, he cares that I was hurt. He just didn't know what to do, or she wouldn't listen. Divorce was no option back then because of all the money and health issues we had. Now, the only issue is him not kicking her out. All I want from members is support and answered questions.

samantha_e:
That answers my question very simply. thank you.