looking for advice

Hi

I have joined this forum looking for advice...I have been in a relationship with my partner for seven years...two weeks ago I discovered that throughout the whole relationship he was messaging through facebook, text messages, emails and phone calls his ex. They broke up due to the fact that at university he had a break down as apparently she was very manipulative. He had counselling to help him over that difficult spell.
When I discovered the messages and the fact that they had been in contact for so long I was furious. After about two weeks of us discussing problems and why he may have done it...he said there was something which explains why he was texting and still in touch.
He sat me down and as he told me was red, shaking, slurring, crying and told me as a child he had been sexually abused by his neighbour. He was quite detailed with some of his recollections but also said he couldn't remember it all as he had blocked out some of it.
He told me he was asked to behave like porn stars from magazines and had to pose like they do and some more detailed things I don't think I can write. He says this went on from when he was seven to about ten.
He told me I am the first person he has told about this and if these memories ever attempted to come into his concious previously he blocked them out. He says texting his ex was him creating another life, a life which he could separate from his reality.
He said he created a separate life from his reality as a form of survival as when he was a child and going through this abuse he was expected to perform as different people and pretend he was them.
I really need help with this whole situation:
Firstly, has anyone experienced anything similar or have any idea whether this is a legitimate condition. Because of the lies he has told I am struggling to believe him a 100% about everything he has told me. I don't want to doubt him as I don't think people are capable of making up tales of child abuse. But does this sound like a mental illness and also although the abuse happened twenty years ago should he go to a counsellor and then the Police, should this be reported?

Many Thanks in advance for help. Oh and don't know if this helps but I am 26 and he's 27.

Look for help 123,

Welcome to the forums,

I am a firm believer that everyone who was abused should go to the Police. But considering that people who were abused in the 70's only came forward in the last ten years it maybe some time before you bf is willing to do so. Therefore I suggest simply being patient.

Whether he should see a therapist, I am not willing to advise either way. However it is telling that he has been through a break down.

I hope he is not heading for another.

Being in my 50's I know there are times when I block out activities. Both present and past. Which can make for interesting exchanges of which I have no knowledge.

That he made admissions of child abuse to you suggests he is really comfortable with you.

I feel that finding he is still contacing his ex is a different topic. Who made the first move? When and why ? may be interesting to know. I am also inclined to wonder if the contacts are restricted to the electronic or is there more to be discovered ?

Thanks Why Bother for your reponse.

He has booked an appointment for tomorrow to speak to a Police Officer who will be coming to our house tomorrow to discuss things. Which I am glad about.

Yes we have also booked to see a relationship counsellor on the 2nd of July, he did get help the first time he got counselling after breaking up with his ex before he knew me but he says he never told them about the childhood abuse and maybe he needed to be open then for it to work. I'm not sure whether the blocked memories of this abuse tried to come into his concious then or not. He says sometimes when the memories try to come into his conscious he just blocks it out straight away.

What do you think it is or is there a 'name' given to this possible condition of blocking out memories? I just want to know so much more so I can understand all this.

She made the first move in Nov 2007 (we got together in April 2006), I think it was just to see how things were but then things got sexual and flirtatious to a point.

They also arranged to meet in a hotel on the 27th December 2011, apparently they had arranged to meet a few times in the 5 years but never actually did as he kept cancelling. Whether they would have met on the 27th I will never know as my father passed away on the 15th and so he cancelled to meet then also.

They have both said they never met so it was all electronic but maybe with the intention of meeting. He also had many opportunities to meet her...its just so strange not something I understand at all - he says messaging her was not real to him.

Thanks for your help so far its so confusing.

Looking for help 123,

If there is a name for this condition, I do not know of it. There probably is. But I call it Temporary Selective Amnesia.

Filed away under interesting I find the comment that if

looking for help123 wrote: he says messaging her was not real to him.

So why did he keep replying ?

Please keep posting/ talking. I am sure that a member will be able to help you make sense of what is confusing.

Hi Lookingforhelp123,

What you've described sounds like a very painful situation to deal with. I think, there are two separate issues here: one is your partner's condition and the other is what you want to do with it as, I am sure, you understand that it will continue to affect your relationship. I have deep compassion for your partner, as it sounds like he had experienced horrible abuse as a child, but your own well-being is also important. It sounds like your partner needs a lot of help but, I think, you need help too with sorting this out for yourself. I am glad that you have reached out for help by posting on this forum, but the forum's capacity is limited. It provides people with support and you can also get different opinions from different people which might help you understand your situation better, but it can't explore each individual situation in depth. So, in addition to talking on the forum, it might be a good idea for you to see a counselor.

WM