Advice: Struglling on what to do..

I havent yet told my therapist that I have been abused as a child..I have been going to grouptherapy now for about months. This is a follow up after spending 4 months in treatment for mental illness, in my case I have been diagnosed borderline..

Should I share with the group is my question?

I feel that I rather would go and see a therapist one-one, rather than talking about this to the group. I have spooken to them, and told them that I have issues of which I am unable, or uncertain of that I should disclose to them..that I may benifit from at least at first going one-one..than taking it from there..and see if I will talk about it in grouptherapy later one.

My grouptherapist insists that I should talk to the group about it, and can not/will not offer me one-one on this matter. I do have the oppertunity to seek on my own behalf a second theraphist..but this will take time and effort..of which a have little of..lots of time, but being depressed I find it hard to do even little things for myself.

Have talked to a second theraphist about this, and he agreed with me that individual threatment would be adviced on this issue for me..I was able to discuss this with him because me and my gf / ex.gf (not sure wich since she keeps breaking up with me, and then giving me a "second" chance) have been going to couples theraphy, and last time she broke up with me (again) and I went alone and talked to the therapist there about me and many of my issues, and for the first time was able to tell somebody about it. Maybe I could talk to them about individual theraphy..I am not sure..

What do you think? If you really really felt ashamed, and hardly could even post a msg about it anonomiously on the web..imagine how hard it is to talk to one person about it, not to mention a whole group of ppl (6 + theraphist)..and you know that 6 of them have now degree in mental illness issues, only their own experinces to base their feedbacks on..and also include the fear of not beeing able to trust them to not keep the secret..

..I feel very ashamed of my abuse. Because when it happend I did nothing about it, and even though I only can remember once when I was around 7 - 9..I am positive it happend at least another two times.. and again happend to me a few years later in a different city and different person after we moved and the first abuse ended.
..I am not even convinced I can call it abuse since I stated that it felt good..yes it did then and there..but right after I couldnt belive what I let him do..and right before wondered what the hell was happening..but I still let him go on..Memories are vague..but I have no doubt that this was something I wouldnt want to do, given the proper choice. He was much older than me, and he should have known better...

I have respect for my therapists opinions, and statistics she says show that I would benifit from talking to the group about it.

..I am so afraid what will happen to me if I follow the advice, and neither feel no relif or get passed it..I will not be able to live with myself knowing I spilt my guts for no reason...At least with one-one their will be only one person..and a proffesional one also that will know..

Any replies on your thoughts, experinces will really make me feel better and be much appreciated.

If you find it difficult to confide to your group then I don't think you should be made to do so by your therapist and it seems strange they are unwilling to let you confide in them alone first.

Have you tried talking to anyone else about the abuse - friends, family etc? You could also try ringing an anonymous helpline first I found that helped me then you can work out what you're going to say and how.

I know it's hard talking about any kind of abuse and I find it difficult as well but the relief when you start to do so is great. People can help you a lot more when they know what's troubling you and they won't judge you in any way.

Sorry I can't be of further help,

Take care

In my opinion, you should not share this with the group unless and until you feel comfortable doing that. If you have the opportunity to talk one on one with a therapist, I would try that out first and see how it feels to you. Once you feel comfortable doing that - IF you do - then you might consider talking with the group about it. Comfort is an individual thing. You do what feels comfortable to you, but by all means, DO discuss it with someone because it will help you to verbalize the pain and humility you are feeling and perhaps, over time, help you to heal and come to grips with your past.

Thank you for replies. I feel a little more confident now, that my initial feeling is the right one. Talking to a therapist alone the first few times about this, and then eventually taking it to my grouptherapy, perhaps.

Unfortunatly I am worried that it will take me a long while before I get a chance to talk to a therapist about the abuse..and in the meantime I am not focused and I am scattering about in a daze...

It did a lot for me the other day though, ranting out about myself and the abuse on this forum.. Really did. Vented a bit I guess..

Thank you for reading, and thank you especially amy-anne and KansasCatlover for sharing your thoughts about this with me.

Hi Sy! Are you thinking it will be a long time before you get a chance to talk with your therapist alone or a long time before you will feel comfortable talking about it with him/her? Either way maybe talking anonymously, like amy-anne suggested, with someone on a hotline for child abuse would help you in the meantime. There is a national helpline at Child Help USA that is open 24 hours a day. I'm sure they have someone you could talk with or could direct you to by phone if you want to discuss this privately first. THeir number is 1-800-422-4453. Of course, if you feel comfortable you can talk to us here either in open forum or by private message/e-mail. Most people here are here because they have experiences they need to deal with or they are here to help those that have. Also there is a book by John Bradshaw called "Healing The Shame that Binds You". You might find it a beneficial read. Wishing you the best.

BTW, that was me. I had a phone call and somehow got logged out before I was able to submit the message.

Hi KansasCatlover!

I live outside the US, and though I do on occasion call the mental health line in my country, I dont talk about the abuse. Thank you nonetheless for your tip!

Already I have shared this with two ppl, and now also on the forum. I am really not comfortable talking to anyone else about this, other then a therapist in whom I am going to seek help with, when I have built up the effort and courage to seek help for this matter.

Just talking about it you see, makes me feel weak and leaves a weird sting within me... so I am going to handle this by myself in the meantime I think. Maybe rant a little more about it here in the forum. I am reading a book now about getting rid of guilt and fear, and I am hoping this will also help me.

I`m not sure if it was a good idea yet, but one of the ppl I have talked a little about the abuse, was my gf. And she is a really good listener..maybe I will try to talk some more with her about it. She to is going through a rough patch though, so she really has enough on her table these days..but it at least gives me some comfort knowing that I do have an opportunity to talk to her about it since she now already knows..

You rant all you want and talk with whomever you feel comfortable. Getting it outside of yourself can only help you in the long run. That which we keep inside festers until it boils up and engulfs us. You are doing the right thing and in your own time. You are to be commended for that. You can see by what is posted here that you are not alone - unfortunately this is a very widespread problem.

I am all for reading, too. In many of my posts, I recommend reading material. If you have not heard of it (and perhaps it's what you are reading) but "Healing The Shame That Binds You" by John Bradshaw is very thorough and informational on this topic and others that apply to toxic shame and healing memories.

Talked to my doctor last week, and asked to be put on a waiting list for a psychologist. In a month or so, I now will be given the oppertunity to talk about my abuse. Afraid that when I meet the psychologist I am going to freeze up, but hoping that I will then be able to talk to him and tell the tale.

Please let this help me out of my depression and daze...




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