Is this child abuse? Any possible solutions to help me?

Hi, I'm new here.. I am in desperate need of help.. i think i have developed many disorders and problems because of this possible child abuse.. This is going to be verry long.. I really want you to get a better understanding of my situation to help me in any way.

I'm Not an only child i have two sisters, a step sister, and a step brother. My mother and father split up when i was only four years old,the only Memories of them together i have is of my dad never ever being around.. And when he was, There was always punching through and down doors.. swearing, And threatening us.
He cheated on my mother and when they split up, i stayed with my mom, My siblings went with my father in the long run.

My mother (Keep in mind this wasn't a 24/7 thing but it makes up most of my memories) Would throw knives at my head, She would go insane into rocking positions, Threaten me that she will crash the car as we drive if i mis behaved when i was >>7 years old<<, She would drown me as i took a bath, She would throw anything you can think of that is a house hold item, She pinned me down and punched me multiple times that caused bruisings, I would run out of my apartment at age 9 in the pouring rain and sleep on a cold sidewalk just to get away from her abuse. Then on the flip side, Shes actually the only person who cares about me, she actually loves me allot.. and says she wants to redeem herself.. Although she still shows signs of crazyness if we get into a argument because she can never have an open mind.... Now let's get onto the real abuse.

Because of all of this abuse i had from my mother, I moved with my father. My father never really ever talked to me, He would lie to me, and tease me when i was little.. My father re married and had my little sister who is now 8 and i am now 15 almost 16 years old. He cheated on his new wife two years ago and during that time he made me live in a bunkbed with a random stranger in a random home of a stripper-"girlfreind" that he had and i never seen him or had contact with any family for 6 months... Eventually i moved back to our old house when my dad and his new wife got back together.. his wife hates me and my family and is only with my dad for a home, and money. And my father is only with her for free flights and free food. She hates me allot, she talks $#%^ to me to my face, behind my back.. And i never do anything wrong.. Trust me.. i'll get to this in a bit.

My father belittles me, He never buys me clothes, He never talks to me,He never helps me out in school, He never allows me to use the rescources he has so i may do my schoolwork, he never showed me affection, he never did anything with me. He constantly tells me, I'm destined to be in the military cause i aint gonna make it in life. He says i'm a special ed kid (Go figure he was in special ed and i'm the one with the highest IQ in the family) And he tells me i'm good for nothing. I'm not allowed to be caught in sight of my step-mom, Or my father or they will look at me with disgust.. (i don't know why.. I'm not even close to a mean or ugly person)... To make this easier let me give you a list of rules i have in my house (Rules that are unspoken but definately apply)

1. I am not allowed to speak, I am not allowed to voice my own opinions, I am not allowe to ask for anything in my life weather it be for school, for my health, for my hygiene, for homework, for help, for guidance, for affection, For anything you could ever ask a parent.

2. I must keep everything spotless in the house and outside of the house.. This results in me cleaning up after my father, my step mom, And my little sister, i am the male cinderella (Lol). every single day i spend 3 hours after school doing chores, cleaning up after them. (But i guess this is reasonable.. Anyone can say this is common i guess?) or be called a lazy slob pig and be yelled and pushed back by my father until i can hide in a corner of my jail cell *Cough* i mean room.

3. Grades, Grades must be Straight A's. (I can't meet up to those standards), I must not only be getting amazing grades in school, they expect me to have a job, Play in multiple sports, And be the social king (Anything you would expect out of a perfect child) or suffer the consequence of added extra abuse by my father.

4. Anything that goes wrong is my fault. No joke.. I am in my room the whole day and my sister spills food on the ground. My fault my father will slam on my door scream at me, (remember rule one, I'm not allowed to talk) And explain how i somehow made the mess. My step mom could break a hamper, My dad will scream my name, And explain how i'm a lazy-ass good for nothing pig that should die in hell, And one day.. Just wait.. just wait he will seek his revenge on me (He says this everytime? What exactly is he plotting tha could damage me anymore?)

Now keep in mind these all seem normal on a ocasional basis, but this happens everyday i am confined to my room, and then scrutinazed for being in the room. Its a lose lose situation.

I developed many disorders that i find myself having, I shake in fear everytime i hear his voice (Always yelling), i now have a phobia of trucks because his truck roars like a car crash everytime he comes home.. and the second he steps out of his truck he will yell my name at the top of his lungs, Quickly scan to find somthing to watch me slave over and tell me to do it and yell at me. I developed extreme anxiety, Focus problems, I can never do any schoolwork because i'm afraid all of the time. I'm a very outgoing guy but i now have social anxiety because i'm afraid they will treat me like how my father does.

He comes into my room and smashes everything ocasionally to take out his anger, Once when he was drunk he threw his beer bottle at me told me to get my %#%#%# in my room and look. Well i walked in.. Kapow.. He took an axe, Riped everything i ever owned in my life to shreds.. keep in mind these things are precious to me since i never recieve anything from anyone besides my girlfreinds or presents from my elder sisters.

He would kick me out and say good riddence i hope you die.. Leaving me out on the streets all night till i came crawling back home because i have nowhere else to go.

So all in all, I have nowhere to go. He is causing mental problems for me, He is making me hate social interaction, Making me never speak out or ever voice my opinion, I shake all of the time because of fear, i am confined to my room.. as in i do not have the freedom to eat, sleep, drink or use the bathroom in my own house, i have a deep hatred for people.. I have thoughts about suicide every single day .. but i will never come to it.. don't worry. I cannot live with my mother again.. or can i? is it worth the risk?

I have two extremes to choose from:

Mother: Extreme physical abuse, possible death. flip side: Cares, shows affection.

Father: Extreme neglection, teasing, hatred for me,extreme Emotional abuse and light physical abuse: Flip side- he's never really around so i can catch a breath.

Is it safe for me to get a drink of water? Thats a question the plagues me everyday... All of this that i mention.. Daily basis. happens every-Single-day.

If you actually read through this novel thankyou.. It means allot to me.. i know everythings so scattered.. but theres just so much i can't possibly find a good way to organize this.

It's to the point where i'm afraid to leave my room to go and get a drink of water to stay alive.. PLEASE... HELP ME ...

I don't know where you live, in the UK we have Childline a charity you can phone for help. Try to find out if there are any similar charity's you can contact.
The best thing you can do is leave as soon as possible. Do you intend going to uni? It would be away of escaping.
You have suffered terribly, but you are still young and despite everything sound like a good decent person you have been strong to survive.
You need to get away A.S.P. Its not easy I know.
Maybe you could contact social services near you, you need a place of safety to stay.
Phone all the child charity's you can find, if you are physically attacked you could press charges, but suppose you won't want to do that.
Sorry I can't help more.

I'm so sorry Genesis.

I agree. You need to get out of there ASAP! There are ways to get out. It just might be difficult. There are youth shelters and programs to help if you really need to leave home.

Maybe try this hotline:
http://www.1800runaway.org/Should-I-Run-Away/

Start looking for a youth shelter in your area. You are old enough that you can leave home. You just have to figure out what/where you are going to go and how you will get by. Most programs give free meals, housing, schooling, and counseling at least temporarily.

It is good that you have a job and can work- the more money you can save up the sooner you will be independent and on your own.

Look into early emancipation. Are there any court records or police records detailing the abuse?

I don't know what state you are in, but this might be useful to you:
http://www.legalaidocba.org/documents/Emancipation.pdf
http://www.guardianadlitem.org/vol_faq.asp

Definitely don't go back to living with your mom- focus on getting independent.

Do you have a camera? Try to record the abuse. If you are getting hit, you can take it to the police. Document everything- conversations as well. Just don't get caught.

Although I'm not sure what the police can do about verbal abuse, it might not hurt to stop by the police station and ask some questions. I thought there was a way for an older youth to request being placed into foster care... I'm not sure though.

It might be possible that when you leave home, they will transfer the abuse onto someone else such as your little sister. It might not be a bad idea to make a report with the police, even if nothing is done. If there is further abuse later on, it might help protect your sister.

What about your friends? If you are working, maybe you can live with one of them and pay rent?

Start researching this on google. Maybe stop by the school counselor's office and talk to them. They might have resources that can help as well.

As far as I know this is illegal and qualifies as abuse. Be sure to mention this to the cops if you talk to them.
He would kick me out and say good riddence i hope you die.. Leaving me out on the streets all night till i came crawling back home because i have nowhere else to go.

You don't have to give a statement to the police if you don't want to, but it certainly wouldn't be a bad idea to stop by the department and ask some questions.

Are you allowed to go to the doctor when you are sick? That would also qualify as child abuse if they are with holding medical care.

Given what you have said, I think you would be much safer in a youth shelter.

Best of luck. Please stop by the forum and let us know if you get out and how everything went. It might help others in the same situation.

FYI: when you go to college, many offer free counseling/mental health services. Just something to consider looking for in a college. My college psych was great- I really appreciated everything she did to help me with my problems.