My mother stole my identity... (this is long)...

I'm 20 years old female currently attending to college, i'm lost and i don't know where to go or what to do with my life anymore. My life story could never be written in short paragraphs, i've seen different kids of abuse as a kid. I never knew my real father and my mother took care of me, as a child she had people taking care of me, while she supposly worked to get my education. They raised me till i was 6 or so, my mother always went to clubs and never took care of me at that age. I always cried, as i grew up i served her, never raised my voice, let her beat me up and be silent about it. I never told anyone, which is kindda funny because every time i saw the movie psycho, i could relate to norman... Sad isnt it? i could actually have norman's mom instead. My story is worst, i dont pitty myself because i dont need my pitty, but i think i want my life back.

She never let me go out and play even when i was 15, i couldnt have any friends because she never wanted anyone to be close to me, last week i checked my credit report for the first time in my life and realized that my mother stole my identity, she signed in with three different credit cards on my name, without me knowing. She called pretending she was me, and stole over $4000.00 thank god i caught her before she stole more, i felt horrible and cried like a baby, still am. I decided to give her a chance because after all she is my mother, today i received my mail and since i moved away from home last year she took my mail and never gave it to me, today on my personal mail i received 3 different card approved, again im glad i caught her. She expected me to take the blame but i couldnt, because my credit says that i should consider myself bankrupt.

I want to study, i dont want to go back to my mother's house till im 30 to redo my life, i would lose, school, never get a job, education, and anything involving my life. I thought she loved me and cared, i still love her, but i can't let her hurt me anymore , found a check of $110.00 for my mother, but my name was under it aswell. I called the furniture store and they told me my mother called them because she hasnt received her money. I thought she was sad to admit of what she did to me, she never called, never mailed, never apologized, not even 2 years ago when she tried to kill me. I had to call the police and now she has to spend one day in jail and my step father has to pay her bail.

I swore in my life i would never tell anyone what happend to me, i thought that im crazy, and still am, i still think that im breaking her heart and i shouldnt have done this, i called my family (step family) and they all told me she is still my mother after all, that im taking drastic measurements, because i want to be disowned. Everybody hates me, because they dont know me. My mother pitties everybody and they always believed her, even my step father, told me the only people he loved and cared about was my two little brothers and himself. He's always hated me, but i think it's because im a girl, i can understand why he hates me, im not his daughter, im a girl im not strong, if i have kids they wont have my last name, and i dont have any phisical strength.

People are telling me im wrong, and that my mother is a sweet person, but i cant get over them knowing she tried to kill me, and still say it's ok, to move on and forgive her, ive forgiven her too much i think. I never called 911 when she tried to strangle me or told anyone, ive always been quiet when she stole money from my stepfather. My grandfather, the only person who trully loved me died when i was 7, from a heart attack because he received a letter saying he was in dept and they would call lawyers on him, it was my mom , she was bankrupt because she did the same thing she did to me, used thousands of dollars and never payed back, my status is delinquent, but im working on it to errase something i never did.

When i was 11 i tried to kill myself, and at 15 aswell, i got over it, this happends to everyone i believe, but if i never had someone on my side i dont know what my life would of being. I'm sick of apologizing to her, im sick of being quiet and taking the blame. She came to my apartment last week the day when i realized what she did to my creidt, and started yelling and crying in front of my door, the manager and the police came, i had to tell her i didnt wanted her in my apartment, but i was looking down, she told me to look into her eyes and tell her that. But i couldnt look into her eyes, i said im sorry but i dont want you in, she got angry and tried to jump on me to beat me up, but the manager held her and i closed the door.

I think that i am disrespecting god by saying i want to be disowned, and i will probably to go hell, but its ok, i think i can take it... I dont know what else to do, everyone tells me im wrong, and i dont know what to think, my boyfriend is helping me, and his mother but it hurts me, because i love my mother, she always told me she loved me and she would give her life to me, and that i would regret everything ive done when she dies, she's always said that ever since i was a kid. And i maight regret it, she is right, but i dont want to see her, because im scared of what shes going to tell people, when she had my baby brother, i did everything, fed him cleaned his dippers, everything. To the point that whenever he cried he wanted me, and not my mom. I did all that while my mom went shopping, i know it sounds terrible, but its not as bad as it sounds, maybe im exagerating, i think im exagerating, when she put her hands on my throad it only lasted a couple of seconds, so i dont know if its considered trying to kill someone, or just anger...

She loves money, and is all she thinks about, she always complained how my step father never gave her money but he always gave her $200.00 weekly, he always gave me $40.00 weekly to my mom for my allowence money ever since i was 9, but i never received that money, she took it. I went to the doctor last year and he told me i had anxiety and severe depression and perhaps something else, my mother never took me for my apointments with him, i had to insist this year to go to the appointments from last year, since i dont have a car. She didnt wanted me to go to him or a psychiatrist, she told me im ok and i had a great childhood, but i dont see it that way. She said psychiatrist lie because they always tell you something that you dont have to get money from you.

So i havent gone to any, because she will never take me to one, i live alone downtown, and im an hour far from my mother's place. And sadly this isnt half of what i went through but i guess the main points. She's hiding something from me, and my real father but i dont know what it is, i just know... i know my mother, i always thought she was a sweet person deep inside and a good naive woman who went thru alot in life, and maybe she is this way because she needs help. But she wont admit it, she always said she never used drugs or is an alcoholic, which is true, i think... I've never seen her doing drugs, but she stole $4000.00 last year from my step father, and as soon as i moved out of the house she stole $4000.00 from me aswell, she wasnt willing to stop because i caught her before she seriously put me in total ruin.

Everybody that knows her, dont know me, and every time she argued with me she always called people to tell them how horrible i am, her best friend loaths me, to the point where she wants to see me dead. And the rest of her family don't like me, what they dont understand is that my mother always cries, but she never means it. She always tries to pitty people, and everyone who she ever came accross to she would cry and look that she was devastated, to the point where people always thought i did something. She lies so easly, she swore to me she never took money from me, she likes to have people pitting her to the point where she will even fake a seizure, which she has. She even told me about it, if her crying doesnt work towards people then she gets violent.

I thought i was an evil person because every time she cried to my step father over an arguement, i never felt bad for her or even went to comfort her. But everybody else would, because i tried to confort her before, and 5 minutes later she would act like nothing happend. Whenever she yelled at me 5 mins later she would act like it never happend. When i was a kid, she would buy me toys after she beat me up or yelled at me. When i was young, she got so pissed at me she threw me her drink , it wasnt crystal so i dont consider it abuse. But i had the drink on my face and all over my bed. Whenever she hit me she did it repeatedly and rage, and i was always scared because she is stronger and taller than me, im 5'4 and she is 5'7 big, and strong... im not... My step father always told me i was dumb, because i didnt know math, that being an artist and drawing is for bums... He said he even thought im retarded, or verry slow, because of the way i act.

But it';s not true, im not dumb or retarded, im a high honor student in college, and i know 3 languages, i dont think i am, i just think im badly hurt, i just think im worthless, ive always hated the way i looked, but men always said im beautiful, but i dont think i am, i hate the way i look. My mother always loved my cousin because shes natural blonde with blue eyes, im not, im not natural blonde but i have blonde hair. My cousin is a drug addict and a felon, a liar and a thief, but my mom loves her and she loves my mom.

I used to be best friends with my cousin when i was a kid, but every time my mom brought her home for vacations, things got worst, she always yelled at me infront of her and treated me even worst, she hit me with objects, not always it was rare, but i could not be around them, because i always got yelled at. She always showed off when my cousin was around, and i knew i had to stay in my room and let them be until my cousin left. She wanted to adopt her when i was a kid, but i got jealous because she loved her and loves her more than me. And it hurts me alot, my stepfather hates me, but yesterday he mailed me saying we should work things out, and him and i to fix my mother's problems.

i just don't know anymore, i know hes afraid of me now because him and my mom have been trying to see if they can put a lawyer on me or say i did everything to my credit but i know too much... I know too much from him and my mom, and knowing too much can be a dangerous thing. I think i should do what my heart tells me, even if its wrong, even if im bad, i want to be disowned...

Get away from her and your stepfather. Either hire an attorney, or go to Legal Aid to reclaim your identity and press charges. You owe these people nothing, and can only subject yourself to further abuse by trying to "work things out" with them. Get help; private therapy would be best, but in a pinch use your university's counseling center or the local county mental health center. Keep working until you reclaim yourself. You are obviously a hard worker, and that's a good prognosis. I wish you the best, you deserve it.

Morgan

Thank you very much, you have no idea how much this means to me... I really needed someone who didnt know my mother to tell me if this is wrong. I am willing to start a new life, thank you, i will be getting a lawyer.

I may not have gone through exactly what you have but I have been forced to face many of the same feelings about my mother. My mother used to steal my money too. Then "pay me back" with cheap garage sale crap I didnt want or need and greatly increase the cost. I was not allowed to refuse the crap and demand my money. I was beat every day and only hurt her back once, so I coudl write an apology letter saying that my whole goal in life was to up her one and not hurt other people. (didnt work she was back to her crap in one week) I never left the house, her and my fathers chose and she "sacrificed" me to my father with an agreement that he wouldnt molest my sister. My mothers friends also think that I am the most evil person on the planet. If I have a bad thing happen in my life, she tells the whole world and gets them feeling sorry for HER. I also feel the same way about myself. My husband will have a girl or woman look at him or somehting, which is flattering for him but I say nobody ever does that to me. Hes says he sees it all the time and I just dont see it. But the couple I have noticed are totally rotten apples off the tree of men. I have a cousin who is two days older than me and my mother did the same thing with her. My cousin knows better now but it is all a game she is playing. Dont let it tear you apart. She doesnt feel anything more for her, probably less, and your cousin is the one who is going to be truely hurting in the end.

There are a couple things I want you to hear:

To forgive is to ease the pain and hate that is eating YOU apart. (It does nothing for the other person unless that person wants it to.) To forget is to make the same mistake twice. Dont do that to yourself.

Obviously your mother has a mental disorder. She needs help. But first she has to face that she has a problem. She wouldnt do that, as you know, but you can force her to by making her take responsibility for what she has done. This is how you can help her. Of course you love her and I am sure that she truely loves you to. But even animals have to teach the ones they love lessons in order to make it through life. You will not make it far with this type of credit history. You speak of taking care of your brothers. I did the same and I KNOW how much you love these little guys. (my brothers sit in my heart next to my own children) YOU need to stop this before she does this to THEM. YOU need to protect them. No, you are not their parent but there is an element of responsibility you have in your heart to protect them. YOU are the only one who can and you have the strength to do it or you wouldnt be in this forum. Cutting the cord, as my husband calls it, is extremely difficult because you realize there is something mentally wrong with her but you have to keep your brothers number one and that will give you the strength to go on. STOP this woman. Forget your other family members. my family has sense learned what I went through and they are more supportive now but I dont even care. They refused to be there when I needed them so what the heck do I need them for now?

You can do this by yourself. AND there is a ton of help out there. Go to your local hospital and see if they have finacial help for you to see a psych. doc. I know that I have a relative that pays $10 a visit. Thats it. Then there is a medical van or even the town bus that can get you ther for free or cheap. Then go to the FBI and to the IRS and they will do all the investigating for you on the finacial end of wht your mother has done to you. I am sure they have it in for her already. Find out where your debt is that your mother created. Call, or better yet, dress up nice and walk into each place and say you want to talk to the person highest in command, store owner, general manager and sign whatever it takes to prevent her, or you even, from paying for anything other than in cash in person at that location. If you can predict where she will go next, give them a call and a heads up. Take in pics of your mom and give them your phone number, ect. I promise you any business will gladly help prevent themselves from being ripped off. Get statements from companies she stole from and file them in a safe place so if you end up in court, you have a bit of proof. Take pictures of your mother with the product she stole, like sitting on a couch, ect, if you can and give the business her address and phone number so they can pursue her legally themselves if they want.

There is no such thing as working things out. I guarantee they will not stop, unless you make them. You have to show them you do not fear them and that they no longer have control. Your step father is playing a mind game with you ight now. Dont let his "mask" make you feel safe, not for one minute. Dont let yourself sucked in again.

I wish you the best of luck and let us know how things are going. You can email me whenever you just need to talk if you want. I'll be there for you, along with anyone here I am sure.

*HUGS*

Thank you for your supporting feedback,

Unfortunatly, my mother NEVER sits down and talks or listens to someone, for this reason i have always tried to speak to her as civilizated human beings but she would only yell louder. I know you have gone through very similar experiences, but my mother is completly different. As i read your profile i thought it was very refreshing to hear so much hope and think that people from the outside believe their is a way of fixing problems, this is why i posted because this means alot to me to see support from people that i don't know, specially because i only have one support my boy friend and nobody else in this world.

Sadly, she never called or apologized for what she did to me, and you know what's the worst parts? i found out the credit report was from one company only... Today August 14th I found out my mother stole my identity in over 10 Credit Cards, Yes, this is no lies i swear... As much as i hope this is not true or their is somekind of mistake their isnt, i wish this was all a dream and that im exagerating but this is hurting me even more.

Today i received by mail a bank called CLOUT Visa saying thank for your for $300.00 payment, when my account balance is $1,099.58 yes she is paying behind my back, not to make matters better but worse, since she thought i never knew about this, which i didnt or showed on my creidt report she is doing things quietly and keeps hiding secrets from me.

I Received a check of $100.00 from England furniture store a couple of days ago, with her full name and my under hers, which is perfect prove she did this under my name, when i called and told the lady what happend she said she had received a phone call previously this day from my mother (full name) asking where her money went? After 7 days of what she did to me, she still called to make sure she received her money from a rebate payed under my credit card (which i never had). Im sick of this, she isnt done with me, she keeps hurting me more.

I Don't know what to do anymore, trust me she is not someone who feels regret but rather judges people never judging herself, My father kept emailing my judging me aswell why i am starting a war with my mother and that him and i need to fix her problems. Obviously she doesn't want to solve her problems but make sure that she pays off credit cards to keep some of them secretly, i am contacting the government because i dont know what else to do. I wish things could change and that their is a resolution to her problems, but unfortunatly i am pending on wanting to be disowned.

Not for her, because i would do it in a heart beat, but my two little brothers, i cant be disowned for them at least. And no sadly i cant do anything about them either, its easy to say i wish i could take care of them, but im only 20 and i dont mean to be selfish but i have done everything in my life helping them taking care of them doing what my mother always told me, i need to live my life because even at this moment im not making the decition that my heart feels to make, because im still thinking of my brothers.

I can't take them away because i will never see them, and not take care of them either because im too young, i have no money, no college education yet, im pursuing my degree, but it still wouldnt be enough i cant offer them what my step father offers them. And even if i was old enough to claim them and make my parents pay, i still wouldnt be able to take care of them, because i am not their true sister. This hurts me because im half sister, again, i never met my real father because he abandoned me when i was a baby. My mother is not 100% my legal guardian because i donnot have her last name but my real father's.

Everyone of them my brothers/step father/real mother have one last name, my last name is different. In my will of my father's side if both of my parents died i still couldnt take care of them because i donnot posses their last name. I cant either run away because my step father co-signs my loans, and uses his signature. My mother's side doesn't have a family, but a fake family, not full blood. I never met my real grandmother but a step grandmother, this is another whole story.

In fact i have no real 100% family, i only have my real mother, and the only real family from blood is her, who messed me up big time, in my life. I dont mean to sound as if i was the only one who suffers because that would be exagerating but i thank god im young, because this is what is keeping me alive. Knowing that she doesn't care and she is still stealing from me is hurting me so much. My phisical abuse was to the point whers i remember when i was 8 or 9 she yelled at me in the car and beat me up while driving, so much to the point where i felt i couldnt breath, i kept breathing heavy, which i didnt knew i was having a panic attack. My brain completely shut off and i felt as if i was missing air and had none, (I found out it was a panic attack from my bf who told me). I never knew what it was but it happend.

And when this happended, she yelled at me saying to stop breathing that way or else she will beat me up harder, i tried to control but i couldnt i could hear her from very far away. She then beat me up, none stop, she actually parked the car into the nearest break rode(corner). And kept beating me up, i had to force myself on trying to stop, but by a miracle i did stopped, this happend a couple more times. I don't believe like alot of people that even though your mother does so much to you, she is still your mother.

I don't think alot of people realize what someone trying to take your life away feels like, from your own mother. Yes, she did give birth to me, which im eternally greatful, but she tried to "KIll ME" This isnt just about phisical abuse or verbal, this is life threatening, and it hurts when your alone in the world. The most horrible thing that comes up in my mind, what if i didnt kick her to let me go, her anger is so great she would of... The horrible part is that someone killing and taking away a life with their own hands is more horrible when it involves hands, not a gun or anything involving technology.

Your hands are your person, who you are, killing with your hands is beyond crazy, because in your hands you have the power to create and kill. The worst part is that im alive, because living with these memories are not just depressing and puzzling but heatbreaking. Again, these are the main things that happend in my life, not even an entire chapter could cover the past memories. She has also tried to turn my friends agaisnt me and be friend them, she has also tried to do the same things i do, and tried to set me up with the most horrible men (which i never accepted) She always told me she wanted the best for me, yet she hates my current boyfriend, who helps me, respects me as a woman, as a person, treats me amazing and supports me, thanx to him and my brothers im alive today. She only loved my ex, those who wanted to take advantage of me, those who lied and cheated.

She even called me a couple of months ago before all of this happend, telling me that one of my ex called her to know where i was and wanted to see me. She told him where i currently live, told him my phone number, she then called me saying she told him where i libed and that he should go visit me sometime. That man, in a military, he only wanted one thing which i never gave him offcourse. Then the 5 months we dated he went too far wanted to get married or show me everyone he knew thinking i was some kind of fiancee, the man was a cheater, and was just very psychologically confused, Aren;t we all? yes, but he was just different.

My mother knowing i have this boyfriend, and the only one ever* still wanted to set me up with him*. She wanted to make me into this woman who sleeps around with every man and leaves them and move on to the next and never marry one or date one for a long time. I offcourse am completely different from her, i never dated more than 5 men, and never slept with more than 2, i know this may sound BS. But is not, i was raised without friends, without anyone to talk to, i was never allowed to go out with firends. I was abused in ways you can't imagine, by my step father and mother, to the point where as an adult i felt like losing virginity is a horrible thing, believe that even tho im not with my mother anymore, i feel controled and that nudity is something bad. Even if i was raised differently i dont think i would of been that kind of woman anyways, but thats just me.

I wish i was normal like any other woman, but im not, im very conservative, maybe too conservative. I just feel that alcohol is bad, nudity is bad, showing too much skin is bad, flirting with different men is bad, sex is bad *which im over that offcourse
But im still working on my self esteem. I'm still working on trying to change, my hair color blonde which my mother brained wash into thinking that's the perfect look, blue eyes, pale and blonde hair, which is the way i look. I want to have my hair red, because thats how ive always wanted to have my hair and ive always loved. But instead i cover myself, put my blue contact lenses and live on my bleached blonde hair. I am 5'4 in shape, which i always find myself obese and fat, i feel that i need to weight 102 or 105. My breast size is 34D, and i always thought my breast were fairly big. However, my mother made me think, that they are not big enough, that i need implants.

She told me i was a C, no idea how she has never seen or measured me in any way possible, but she always bought me bras of that size, i still believed her even though they where a bit small for me. Those are only one of those things that she also influenced me, i just feel like adding a bit more so that you get a bit the idea how she trully is. She is a very vain person, and wanted me to contact that ex that i had because hes a 6'4 blonde, blue eyed military guy. Which is not my type whatsoever, but since ive been so influenced into thinking thats the perfect race, i dated him for that reason, i never liked him it was all build up in my head.

My mother is half latin, and so am i, however, the reason why she always wanted me to look a certain way is because she wants her own barbie doll i guess, I don't look latin whatsoever, which is weird, i look caucasian, unlike my mom. But my boyfriend the ony who i trully liked without my mother's influence i met him when i was living on my own a couple of months ago, he is 5'6 brown eyes, black straight hair, and tanned, very italian. Completely different from my mother's standards.

I am finally with my type of men. Again this is just a small sample of what she is like. I want to be disowned for many reasons, not only just the whole she tried to kill me or stole my identity issues, but also for very dark and horrible issues i also went through. A small detail, she never anticipated on having a baby just because she wanted one, but to hold my real father and make him marry her, he didnt and she didnt wanted to abort for the baby's safety or because is cruel and using a pregnancy as a tool but for even more vain reasons. She knew she could never get him to always be with her, so she maight aswell have something that belongs to him.

I wish she truly wasn't my real mother, and perhaps their was a mistake on babies. My mother is not what you think, i wish she was a person who i could sit down and talk to, or someone who apologized for their mistakes and admit them. But she isn't i won't speak any further because i think it's a wonderful thing, for people to have faith on her, for people to not know everything, because hearing is one thing, living them is another. And faith is a wonderful thing, i had faith on her, and still try to do, but she is a cheater, and lied to me, i need a psychiatrist who i can tell everything. [color=darkred]But i need a bigger help, i need to change my social security, she is my mother!!! She knows my birthday my social security and even signed up for cards that dont show on the creit report or are filed by the government such as CLOUT something she also signed up for.[/color]

As long as my step father is my co worker he will always know my social security, and so will she, she knows i wont put her to jail for years in prison because she has my little brothers, their her free ticket to not go to jail. I need my social security out somehow, because trust me as an acomplise of her horrible actions, i know her and i know what shes capable of, and i know this isn't the end for her trying to ruin my life. She will stop for a year or so, and then she will do hidden things and do it again, only worst because i wont know about it.

She plans her things, she plans for years or months before she scams or steals. She even watches master minds on television, i never thought it was for pure entertainment, it just dawned on me, that most of the things they did on tv, she tried them only not to do their mistakes. She doesn't try them on strangers, but her own daughter and family. ANd no she is not a good person, because a good person won't steal from a child, meaning my two little brothers and me. I will make her pay, because if i don't god knows what she will do to my brothers in the future to steal from them.

Once again, i doubt she will steal from them, because she is wayyyyy too interested in what they will give her in the future, they both are in their will, in France they will owe houses, teritories and more stuff because of my step father's family. She will never do anything to them because she wants them in her good side. Im the one who has no money, and i am not in the will or anyones, (not that i care). Because trust me living with a woman that steals and loves money to the point where she would rather give me away for money, will make anyone, hate money for greed.

I only like money for my pure existance, college, food, and live a normal life, im not ambicious and would give my life for money either. I just want a normal life, that's all... I hate jewelery, i hate shopping, i hate spending money on ambision, sure once a while is good and you feel happy, but not the way she does it.

Am i wrong to think she's on drugs? I've never seen her high and she always told me she NEVER did drugs, but im starting to think where all the money went. And i cant find out where... Maybe im just confused to think such ways, and if i am i hope god forgives me for my anger and miss judgement, for all i know, right now all i said is true. Except for the drugs part, i really dont know about that and doubt it, but you never know i guess....

-Anonymous20

i read your first post and had a little cry..we have quite a bit in common.im sorry but i havent managed to read the other posts yet...i have attention deficit disorder and im finding it very hard to concentrate today.just wanted to send a post though..moral support.my mother used my identity to get money for alchohol and drugs.as a child i was used in all sorts of ways as a means to get money.and even though she treated me with such contempt and hate...i craved her love...i loved her with all my heart.but there came a time when i had to get away from her.i disowned HER!.i cut her out of my life and let myself love and be loved by good people.i didnt report her to the police for the money but as i was working as a nurse she came into my workplace and stole prescription pads.i had no choice but to report her and hated myself.my brothers and sisters couldnt understand why id informed on her..they acted as though i should have gone to prison for the crimes she commited.but then again they never suffered the abuse that i did...my father died when i was very young and my stepfather always made me feel like an outsider.

i could go on and on....i just wanted u to know your not alone.the best thing u can do for yourself is to build a life without your mother.my mother died four years ago now (the drink finaly caught up with her).i dont regret a thing...she was only a biological mother to me...never a mom x

Thank you for your reply.... im feeling very emotional after what i read about you, i could swear i feel the exact way you do, and it feels as if we were together on this, i feel your pain. And you have no idea how i feel now, i am horribly depressed, i cant even go downstairs to get a drink and all i do is sleep, im still in school, you thank you for giving me your advice...

What you said trully made me feel better, in these times where i don't know what to do, you went through the exact pain, and even your attention deficit, i was prescribed last year for having add aswell. And we also share that aspect in common, however, it turned out that my problems with attention was my anxiety and depression, aparently, i have something else besides these things, and its scares me because i know is something really bad.

I had hallucinations a couple of months ago, i donnot drink take drugs EVER had or will, and i am not in a current medication, right now i only need to set an appointment with a psychiatrist, but since im a student i can't pay... Besides both of my parents trying to mess with my life, they do not send me food which i dont need because i have my boyfriend thankfully, but if i didnt i wouldnt have food and money. Sure he offers helping in everything and tells me that money isnt an issue, but i feel worthless for not being able to provide, being full time student is hard as it is, plus i dont have a car either... and the city i live in, is really bad... People get constantly murdered weekly.

So my options are limited... But i need to do something, im sorry to ask but right now i know no one that has had the same experience, sadly your from UK because i was going to ask, how does disownment works? how did you do it? i live in PA and i dont know what to do about disowning, and like you said my brothers will hate me... and my family will judge me the same way they did to you.

Thank you, because i don't feel alone... you really made me cry... and i dont know how to thank you.

hiya

no need to thank x.

your right in the fact that in the uk disownment might be a bit different.i shalll tell u how i went about it though.at the time that i decided to have no contact with my mum i was going through a divorce...it felt the right time for me to break all ties.so i moved quite far away.changed my phone number.informed my work not to accept any calls from my family..visits too.my mum found where i was living and sent family members to give me a hard time (she wanted to see her grandchildren but wouldnt refrain from smoking,swearing,drinking etc in front of them).then she started turning up at all hours of the day and night,demanding money,threatening to killl herself.

i went to the police and then court and got a restraining order after she hit me.she wasnt allowed to come to the area i live in,my work etc.

this worked thankfully and i got on with my life..after my guilt and losing cantact with some relatives who took her side.i was very depressed.i was a single mum of three at the time,living in a strange area,with no suport from family,my friends were too far away,i had a stressful full time job,oh it just felt like an uphil struggle.i realy dont know how i found the strength to recover.

my mum died a year later...her liver failed.i was there when she passed away..for some strange reason i felt i owed it to her.i also desperatly wanted her to say one word to me...SORRY.but even on her death bed she was hating me.

i did attend her funeral,i cried,i mourned..but it wasnt her i was mourning..i was mourning the childhood i should have had.im ashamed to say that when she died i felt a sense of relief...like i could finaly close a chapter in my life and move on properley.

im not saying life was great after she died...i had therapy to help me overcome the terrible anger i had inside.i still have all the awful memories of the things i endured as a child.but shes one more thing i dont have to worry about...probably sounds cruel...but then she was cruel to me.

take care x

oh yeah one more thing...feel free to email me.x

Hello

I completely understand you as I was in your shoes before. I will tell my story later in another topic. My mother with my brother have comitted 15 crimes against me. I was lucky to escape this situation. Now I am like you 10 years after those events.

But it isn't about me now. My only advice is move your life to another place where your mother can't get you and stay away - trust me it is very hard to give up everything you have and run but it could be the best decision of your life. Te chance is you situation with your mother will inevetibly escalate to more stealing and crimes and she will lay the blame on you.

The guilt you will feel is deceiving, compassion can't be trusted. My mother was using compassion to trap me in situation I couldn't escape for years. Try to find some compassion in her and if you can't - run.

When you do escape and you still miss her and try to meet her - do it in public palces where she can't harm you.

We are human beings but look after yourself and your children first.
Children should always come first ind if they don't than the nature have made a mistake and the only way that mistake can be corrected if those children are on a safe distance from the abusive parent.

Sorry may be I am too emotionally involved in a similar situation
AuntyP