college friend

Hi,

I am a rising junior in college and I have a friend (since the beginning of sophomore year) who was abused by her father as a child, both physically and emotionally. She said it happened between the ages of 4 and 6. I asked her several questions about it...and she is hesitant to answer, which I can understand. She said that she has talked to her family members (especially her mom) about it and they had very emotional conversations. She is a very intelligent girl and rather pretty I might add. I am friends with most of her close friends and have asked them about her abuse...but it seems like I am the one who knows the most about it, because she told me. There were several times during the school year when she would start crying randomly or would have trouble resisting the urge to cry. She abuses alcohol on the weekends...and by abuse, i mean abuse. It takes her two wine bottles to get drunk. She says she has been drinking since the age of 12 and that drinking is common in her family. She takes adderall which she gets from one of her friends very often. I think she initially started taking it for academic use, but then I am afraid that she realized the antidepressant effects of adderall and began using it as an antidepressant. She has told us (her friends) that she takes it often, to do the simplest things. She once told me that she needed to take it for work (retail store) in order to be nice to people. She told me that she finds it hard to trust people in general, but she has close friends. She is in the school of nursing and she is doing fairly well grade-wise. She told me that her mom filled out all of her college applications and that she didnt even want to go to college when she graduated high school. She often lies to everyone about her life including me...even though I am mostly able to see through her words. I think that she tries to bring others down so she can feel better herself. She claims to have a bit of a conscience that she has been trying to get rid of since childhood, so she can"live life." I really want to help her, but I am afraid that it is too late and there is nothing I can do. I feel like she is sort of a sociopath because of the way she can manipulate people and get what she wants from them, and the way she lies often and her open sexual promiscuity. However, I dont want to make a personal diagnosis because I am obviously not qualified to do so...and I know the internet isn't either, but I just wanted an opinion from you.

Thanks.
pepe7382

Hi, pepe7382! It sounds like she is going through a lot, maybe she's depressed and she has these problems with her behavior because of the abuse.
It's not good that she manipulates people, it can be an unhealthy habit to break. She does need therapy. If she doesn't want it, there isn't a lot that you can do. Maybe you could confront her about the way she manipulates or hurts other people and herself, be honest with her, and tell her you think she needs to see a professional psych. Offer to help her find one and even go with her the first time, to make her feel less alone.
Be careful, because she might use the fact that you feel bad for her against you. If she doesn't respond well or if she ever gets emotionally abusive toward you, no one could blame you for not wanting to be involved in this situation anymore. Maybe you could talk to someone she trusts and cares about and you could try to convince her to get help together.
It's really nice that you want to help, you're a kind person.