Feeling numb

hi im feeling really low today so i decided to search the web for some advice and i ended up here , ok i was sexually abused around the age of 7-9 , i kinda blanked it all out for a while then when i became sexually active it all hit me and i felt disgusting. At the moment i am having issues with it and feeling like i am trapped . i am 18 and i have began discussing these feelings with my b/f who is very supportive and as my past is a part of me and i cant change it i think he has a right to know .

i can feel on top of the world most days , although I have a very low self esteem and tend to feel like i may be hurting someone or doing something wrong alot. its like i always put pressure on myself to please people and i tend to feel guilty about little things . also i get this feeling of being 'numb' and i feel like i love noone and i feel really secluded from the world . when i walk into a room i feel like everyone is laughing at me and looking at me in disgust , after i told my parents about my past a few months , things got a bit easier but im still getting depressed and sometimes any sexual activiity can make me feel really cheap and disgusting when i should realise that i am loved by someone . can anyone relate to any of these issues i have ?

Hi Red -

Just read your post and wanted to give you a message of encouragement. From what I know of your experience, my heart goes out to you and I hope that you are able to heal quickly. No one should have to live without love.

I'd also like to seek some advice from you if it's OK. I've never suffered abuse, but I think my current girlfriend has. She recently related to me that she has PTSD and feels numb often. She truly feels that she will never be able to love anyone and that she is destined to be alone, or in a destructive and unfulfilling relationship. She said that she's never met anyone like me and is falling in love with me, but that this terrifies her and she doesn't think she can handle it. At the same time, she's trying to push me away by accusing me of trivial things and seems bent on proving that I am not trustworthy. Of course, this isn't the case. She has stopped returning my calls about two weeks ago.

How should I deal with this? I don't want to give up on her and I'm willing to do what it takes to make things work. What can I say or do to someone who feels like you do to let them know they can trust me?

Hello Red, Welcome to the Psychforums.

I can understand how frustrating PTSD can be when you are dealing with a trauma.


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I also deal with PTSD and have dealt with abuse, even though it was not childhood, but domestic violence, that was sexual, emotional, verbal, mental and some physical. After that relationship ended I was assaulted but at least 7 different guys through the yrs of 96-01 not including my Ex. I developed it and wasn't even aware that what I've been through was assault, rape, abuse, etc etc.

I was even threatned with rape by 2 different people, the last thread was 2001.

Becoming intimate with people was extremely hard for me, I kept getting triggers and flashbacks (body memories), I would just do it because they wanted to and they'd hassle me and so forth.

I can relate to what you are feeling, I was in therapy prior to being diagnosed with PTSD for anxiety and depression. Therapy was a great asset to me. Helped me understand what my mind and body were going through. It helped me to let go of the past that kept me stuck for over 8 yrs. This all started with me at the age of 16 and ended when I was 21 I'm 25 now. I am in a wonderful relationship, we are going on 4 yrs this week and I never thought that I would be here, having this kind of intimate relationship with anyone, but I am not and I feel safe doing it. I do still have triggers, I always will that's just something I am going to have to deal with.

Hang in there, I know it's hard, I am here if you need an ear.

well , i find it also very difficult to love people around me and to fully trust them but i tend to keep it all inside although , i do love my bf very much and have gained this by taking things really slowly jus be supportive and always listen , having somone who will just listen and not judge you is very helpful also encourage her to speak to you about anything its hard admitting it to people , u have to let her know she can confide in you im sure you will do fine

Trust was definatly an issue with me.. I trust my BF 100%... others no I didn't.... I also don't trust people I do not know..

I guess I always have that WHAT IF thing going on in the back of my mind sometimes about certain people. I'm always worried that things will happen again, I'll get hurt again. But knock on wood nothings happened for 4 yrs... I'm sure it never will again....

Good luck to you, you will slowly learn to trust others, you have to keep on reminding yourself where you are now. That the people who are currently around you aren't from the past to harm you....

Always try to keep that in mind, it does get easier.

im thinking of getting some therapy but i dont think i will be able to open up to a stranger anyone experienced this or have any ideas how it would work ?

The key to therapy is when having to dicuss these types of issues, or any issues for that matter is that you have to feel comfortable with the person that is supposed to help you. If you aren't comfortable, even after a month of being there etc, then perhaps finding someone else may be a good idea.

It took me a couple of sessions, and going no matter how panicky I felt and it did and does get easier.

Therapy is definatly a plus when it comes to dealing with abuse...

to The red:
I wholeheartedly reccomend therapy. It can take awhile though to feel safe enough to open up and tell the therapist all your things but it will happen and everything said there stays there. I was diagnosed with PTSD and it still took me a year to tell the therapist everything that I was so ashamed of and scared about. Now I have been in therapy for 3 years and everytime I have to talk to a new therapist its easy to tell them all my things right out. I am not ashamed or scared anymore to tell them my deepest things because their only goal is to help you.