Just reported abuse on my niece and I am so sad

I just called to report from across the country that my niece is being endangered and neglected. I got the information 2nd hand from another relative and I am a mandated reporter, as is my spouse. The baby just turned one and her parents are doing drugs regularly in the house and having other couples over to engage in sexual activity. (Not sure what is happening when, but I do know that she was born with drugs in her system, so her proximity to the danger is obviously not something my sister worries about.)

I grew up in an environment of physical and emotional abuse by my stepmother. The rest of the family turned a blind eye or were snowed by her complex and effective lies. And as I was sitting here feeling this very sad and angry mixture of emotions, m husband said somethign to me that GOT me. He said that I should not worry about it for a second, because I did what no one would do for ME when I was small.

I love that man, and even though my family may not agree with this, I love all of them as well. Well, except my brother in law.

Now I am pounding the easter candy and screening my calls.

I used to work for CPS (Child Protective Services) and the bad reputation we got usually came from 1) the parents who got their children taken away because of their endangering the child and 2) because we got so many more cases than we could handle (for very little pay) and something bad happened.

For the most part, the people who work for CPS are good people and want to do the best for the kid. We would usually try to place the child with a family member so it wouldn't be so traumatic but most foster parents were good too. The thing that people don't realize is that the horrible cases they hear about are publicized so much just because they are exceptions. I would suggest you stay in contact somewhat and make sure the case worker is doing their job; just call, find out what is going on, etc. The important thing is that someone investigates whether or not her needs are being met and she is cared for, and most CPS workers don't go in there just wanting to take kids away... they want nothing more than to be wrong, but if there is something bad going on, then it's good they are contacted.

Take care and don't feel so guilty...

(((((((((((((icemunkee))))))))))))) You did the right thing for your niece. It was a brave thing to do and your husband is right, you did for her what no one would do for you.
You can come here for support any time you like.

So the proverbial you know what hit the fan today. All of the people in my family have been contacted by my sister and they are all fired up that I chose to act alone and did not confront my sister about the alleged issues.

I feel that the element of surprise was essentail here. My sister is very manipulative, as evidenced by the phone network she lit up after CPS left her house. WHY would I call her and giver extra time to put on appearances? SHe did make one point about what if the wound up taking the baby and turning her over to foster care...would I feel proud....i had not thought about that part and I feel horrible.

I am isolated again from a family that did nothing to protect me from abuse as a child and now they are rallying around another abuser!!! Why am I sad about it? WTF!?!

Everyone needs to think that their family loves them. I'd feel sad in a situation like this too, even though there was nothing else that could be done. CPS will do what is best for the kid and now maybe your sister will think twice before putting her in danger. You did the right thing.
Maybe your niece will understand and thank you for caring when she is older.

you did the right thing, you should not feel bad.

i was neglected and mistreated as an infant. now i see the same thing happening to my cousin's 1-year-old, but atm my hands are full helping myself with my recovery, which ive only just begun.

I found out that my brother was terribly abusive to one of his sons, my nephew. Terrible, terrible stuff. I knew he had the potential to be abusive but I had no idea it had gotten as far as hands around the neck strangling episodes. (A very bad sign) Alcohol is involved too as my brother is alcoholic.

His wife has now left him and the 2 boys are safe, nobody knows where she lives. I counselled his wife for a number of months in strategies and ideas on how to leave and how to view the situation from her boys perspective and even though I would never betray her or my nephews she still refuses to give me her address, which shows me how determined she is to make her life better.

Initially, I was totally distraught that my brother would be and do something like that. But it wore off. I have since had fights with my parents about how he's acted, as they are in denial.

In the end, I don't really want to be 'friends' with abusers or protectors of abusers anyway. They have different values, they blame victims, use any excuse they can find to validate and justify abusive behaviours. In a nutshell, it's stressful being around them anyway....so contact is minimal. I don't have contact with my brother at all, and it's minimal with my parents, I just tolerate them, but I usually have a bad headache after they leave.

I didn't get a chance to report to the authorities my brothers behaviour towards his son, coz she up and left within a few days of me finding out, but I was going to report him, and I have since found out that 4 other reports had been made about him.

I am slightly confused that the reports aren't kept confidential, surely your name should have stayed anonymous. If the authorities don't tell who's done the reporting and you deny it, the rest of the family can only guess, they'll never actually know it was you if you consistently deny it.

anyway, I think you did the right thing. Do you really want to be close to a family who turns and picks on the only person who stood up for the rights of a 1 year old? A proper family should be proud of what you've done, and should rally around and ensure the baby of the extended family is looked after properly. But I guess, blaming everyone but the abusers is part of the dysfunctional family.

You did the best you could.....your hubby is right, you should be proud of yourself, and go and tell everybody else to get stuffed.

Cheers

You did what no one did for you.
You did the right thing.
Bravo!

People who spot violence and do nothing about it are almost as responsible for the violence as the abuser.

Don't question it for a single moment that you did the right thing.

Your niece will be proud of you when she grows up. Ultimately, the abuser will be grateful to you too. These reports sometimes make them attempt a behavioral transformation with a therapist, to try and become better.

you did the right thing.

i believe in you. you accomplish so much with the struggles.

you'll be in my prayer.

love scarsacred.

http://www.thankgodforebooks.com/raped.html