Anyone gone through counselling!

I was abused by my Dad between the ages of 11 and 15, when I left home. He was and still is a very controlling and selfish man. He abused me physically, verbally and would exert his control by robbing me of any privacy. He was also very deceitful, convincing Mum I was a troublesome teenager and completely lying to her about his actions and behaviour.

This has left me with a lot of anger to deal with (even 20 years on), not helped by the fact that no-one in our family knows what really went on. On the outside I appear confident but on the inside suffer low self-esteem and find social situations and relationships very difficult.

Three months ago I commenced one-to-one counselling which has been incredibly helpful. It has helped me see my experiences from a different angle and to recognise that my lack of self-esteem and always feeling like a misfit/outsider in life is due to my experiences with Dad. It is not who I really am. Like a coat Dad made me wear which I've never taken off. I realise I do not need to carry these negative traits with me anymore.

However, there are parts to the counselling I am finding difficult. I've been told it will help if I can connect to myself as a child and give that child support. I find this really hard, I stare at photo's of myself when I was little but feel nothing.

Also, despite all the talking I've done I still feel really angry at my Dad and the situation that I'm now in. Falsely, trying to play happy family's for my Mum's sake.

Has anyone else been through counselling, who can relate to all this. Will the anger be with me forever? Is it more a matter of learning to live with the anger rather than getting rid of it? Also any tips on how to relate to the inner child?

Thankyou in advance for any advice.

Hey,

I went through counselling for a while before eventually moving on to a psychiatrist and subsequent therapist. Counselling can help, of course, but you should always keep the option of going to a psychiatrist open.

I have never tried to relate to my 'inner child'. My childhood was very painful and it has moulded the type of adult I am now at age 24. You will not be angry forever though but it will take time to become comfortable with the memories from the past. It would be best - in my opinion - to expose yourself to the memory and not to avoid them. in that way, you will eventually be more capable of handling them.


Take care,
Kevin.

I was abused by my stepfather but never revealed it to my mother. I continued to pretend nothing happened after I was grown and he had died. When I did go to counseling, it was difficult to relate to the inner child because it represented vulnerability within me. It was important for me to be in control and letting go of the control was and still is an issue for me.

Getting through the anger is difficult when you are still living a lie for your mum's sake. I got over being angry with my stepfather much easier than I did being angry with my mother for allowing the abuse to happen, even though she said she never knew about it. I felt she should have been protecting me...that is what my inner child needed and was not given.

As far as getting in touch with the inner child...do those things a child would do and you enjoyed. Coloring, play-doh, bubbles, swinging, soft blankets and cozy places can all be ways to nurture the child within you.

Good luck; you can get through this. As far anger, no I am beyond that but it took awhile. In the end, the anger has to be released by you and it will dissipate.

Best,

N.

Thankyou for your replies. It really helps to hear from people who are also battling with their demons.

Just hearing you both say that you can overcome the anger is enough to spur me on to sort this out. Reliving the memories is hard but so is living in fear of them for the past 20 years.

Thanks again!

No problem. Getting rid of my anger (sorry, 'controlling' my anger) improved my life's quality a lot. It will take work and time for you. One of the biggest things I always stuck to was this bit of self-advice: "Take things slowly". You see, by taking things slowly, I eventually managed to control stressful situations in which I would normally just 'snap' and start shouting at someone / something.