she ruined me

my own parent ruined me. all her manipulation. it was all lies, all lies.
she would wail after dad died n make a drama. like a fool me and brother at different times would rush to pharmacy to get some sleeping pill for her.
i would rush home from office, from meeting with friends after she'd wail on phone n do drama n act as if someone is tormenting her.
it was all an act. everything was for attention, was childish drama.

she would act like a child all the time.
i'd say: do u want to go to doctor
she: no
i: do you want me to call ur sister?
she: no
i: should i get the neighbor?
she: no

it was all attention. its almost as if she would dream of a helicopter to come and rescue her.

all lies... this gave me hero syndrome. i went out looking to befriend broken people who took advantage of me. i didnt befriend the kind guys. i only steered toward broken folks.

it was pathetic.

n then there were so so so many taunts. publicly she'd taunt me. i was ur son. HOW COULD U DO THIS TO ME??????

i hate her. she ruined my life. her childishness.

she lies.. lies... lies... she should be suffering instead of me... she should be SUFFERING NOT ME....

i still recall her smirk.
i was abused/bullied by the cousin. n she's ignorant about it..

her childish smirk... its like her mind is broken.... how retarted can one be...

i dont want her in any other birth...

SHE BROKE ALL MY DEFENSES> she broke me. i was bullied all my life. subservient all the time.

i am going mad. i cannot live with the memory of gay pass on narc/bully friend. no. i want to remove it from public memory. i want to undo the scandal.
for the past decade, each conscious moment i think of it. i am going mad. i want to die. kill me please. please god kill me. the narc slapped the back of my head n walked past. i thought we were friends. i hate this life. i hate my upbringing