psychological abuse?

Hi, I am new to the forum and my first post. I have been troubled by something I observed over the holiday. In short, I am a SA survivor at the hands of my Bio Father. This was many years ago and long story short, I have all the leftover scars THUS, I may be hypersensitive to other children's experiences.

My SIL is VERY aggressive with my grands. He forces them to hug him all throughout the day whether they are deeply involved in a movie or at play with other kids, he will yell out that dad NEEDS a hug and they must stop what they are doing and "give dada a hug" Or they dont' love him! It seems pathological to me! He also does what my Bio dad did to me which is tickle (or threaten to) tickle "until you pee your pants" I hated that! It still seems to me to be so abusive to lose all control to someone else! When I told my husband my concerns he said his ex wife did similar things to their kids. Made them hug her, made them say "I love you" made them stop and tend to her emotional needs, guilted them, "if you don't do this, you don't love me" We know she is a malignant narc and used parental alienation to completely sever them from their father. Now I am worried SIL will do this to my daughter through these similar tactics of power and control. I see these things as pushing the limits with kids. They use enough physical force to show the kids, they can not get what they need except through this parent. I need help finding articles. Its very hard to google this. I don't quite get the advice Im searching for by using words like forced affection or forced hugs. I need to help my grands! I fear for their mental health! They are so sweet like my daughter but so vulnerable! They are 4 and 2 and I guess I am not asking if Im in the wrong or right, I just want advice or where to seek information regarding this type of, what I consider, psychological abuse!

Bad parenting .. and maybe some would call it abuse, but would have it down as bad parenting. I have seen something similar recently and did work out well for the kids, but as you said a narcissist, who in this case was also pretty ignorant, and lazy, and was all three that did damage. Kids are OK but not living "their best" life.

Sorry but missing what "SIL"means.

SIL in this case stands for Son in Law I believe. Hence the mention of being protective over her grands. So the Son in Law is being rather manipulative in my opinion. Maybe the abuse intent isn't there, but if he's forcing the kids to do things against their will, it's an issue. So it's most important to ask how the kids feel about it, then you can judge whether the man is just messing around and the kids are cool with it or if it's actually abusive.

Maybe SIL has some insecurities that need facing too?

~ Grey