I grew up isolated from the society until I was an adult

Hi, as of the time of writing, I'm almost 23 years old, Male, from Asia. I grew up in an emotionally abusive household and there were also other things that are irrevelent here. My abusive mother died almost a year ago, but I still live with my dad. I want to share something strange that spanned the entirety of my childhood and adolescence: I was pretty much locked up in the house and not allowed to/encouraged to socialize with anyone.
Sounds strange, doesn't it? It didn't strike me as odd until I actually started leaving the house during 12th grade. I mean, I went to school and all; in fact, my parents were quite obsessed with my education and even managed to get me into a private medical college (which I dropped out of after mom's death; I study Physics now and am happy with it). Let me break down the chain of events.
Beginning from elementary school and until the end of 6th grade, mom used to take me to school and hounded over me. I was discouraged from playing with other kids and visiting my classmates outside of class was out of the question; although it was a small town. My childhood was spent watching cartoons and tinkering with a computer. I think I used to play with dad, whom I stopped getting along with later. Mom was too busy with cooking and chores to spend time with me.
We moved to an industrialized village near the age of 13. Middle school was okay, but the same rules still applied and mom forbade me from socializing with 'rural kids' or girls. Their emotionally abusive behavior still continued. I didn't know how to behave around people properly, so I often ended up making a fool of myself. I had a crush, but it was before social networks and smartphones were popular here, so we couldn't be in touch. It withered away.
We moved to another city when I was 15. Same issues, except it was high school (started 9th grade here) and everyone noted my lack of maturity. Didn't really have any proper friends. Fell in love for the first time when I was in 16 I think, with a classmate I first met when transferring into this school. It didn't work out well, because while it was mutual, relationships do not really bloom when your only method of communication is over texts; literally. I couldn't even talk to her over the phone because mom would be listening. Besides, she probably realized I was a spineless coward and eventually we got estranged. (I think she found someone better and doing okay; I'm proud of her.)
Senior high (Grades 11 and 12; part of college here) was tough; mainly because my parents assigned a frick-ton of private tutors to me; who in my opinion ended up doing exponentially more harm than good; both to me and our finances.
They also reluctantly took me to a psychiatrist during 12th grade after I made up a story about wanting to stab my teacher in the eyes (I would never, I made it up as a cry for help); but the entire time they complained to the psychiatrist about I not focusing on my studies and being constantly irritated. I was too anxious to properly tell him my problems, and couldn't just accuse my parents of being evil dictators with them right there, so following a chain of events I was put on antipsychotics, antidepressants and a benzodiazepine. They kind of worked; I no longer complained about things, could study mindlessly but everyone else (peers) kept telling me I was looking very sickly. I also spent most of my free time sleeping.
Another physician eventually took me off of them, telling me that I didn't need all of those drugs and just prescribed me an SSRI and a benzo; which are the only meds I've been consistently using in one for form or another for a couple years and they're wonderful.
I first learned how to do basic things on my own; like buying things from shops, going to a cafe, finding my way around the town, etc. at the end of 12th grade (age 19), I think. I started smoking and that gave me a motivation to go outside every day. Funny how bad activities lead to good things. Now you might be wondering why I didn't start going outside before, like during 9th or 10th grade. Well, I had serious anxiety and I had no idea what people actually "did" outside - I had nobody to hang out with; and I feared that if I wanted to simply go outside one day my parents would flip out and accuse me of doing something bad. Maybe those medications played a role in giving me the motivation to finally start exploring the world at 19.
Happy ending, huh? Nope. It was short-lived since the first lockdown was enforced the following year. During the time, my parents found out I used to smoke and pretty much kept me literally locked up this time. I wasn't allowed to leave the house even after lockdown was lifted. I sneaked out a few times but eventually stopped doing it because it was too tiring and I had less motivation since I stopped using tobacco.
I was automatically graduated from high school because of the pandemic and applied for medical school and somehow became eligible. I wanted to apply to other places too but they wouldn't let me and I was coerced into medical school anyway (I was too afraid of the emotional and verbal abuse I would receive if I refused.)
We moved to where we are now by the final quarter of 2021. I could finally leave the house without supervision; I had also started smoking again (clean now). Medical school was interesting but also extremely stressful.
In an unexpected turn of events, my mom's various illnesses finally caught up to her fully by the end of 2021 and she passed away from respiratory failure almost two weeks later.
Her death is probably the best thing to have happened to me so far.
I no longer have to deal with her emotional abuse (and other forms of abuse; might detail it elsewhere) and controlling behavior. I dropped out of medical school shortly after (took a lot of convincing and fighting with my father and other people), but I'm happier now being a physics undergraduate. My father is emotionally abusive too and a major control freak; so I know have to either move out or wait for him to meet the same fate as mother; whichever comes first.
I still have little-to-no social skills, but my peers seem to consider me a strange-but-nice fellow, so we get along fine. I have lost desire for human contact, but enjoy spending time with others in college. I have stopped seeing a psychiatrist/therapist because my father unwittingly ends up sabotaging them; so that'll have to wait until I'm truly independent. I dearly love my pet birds and they're the most important creatures in my life, not people.
Here are some milestones of my social life that shows how much I've lagged behind:
1. Learned to shop properly at 18 (11th grade)
2. Spent time with a friend outside of class for the first time at 18
3. First hanged out with a group at 16 (probably)
4. First started freely going outside at 19
5. First formally learned about consent at the age of 21 (from medical school when performing mock physical exams)
First learned to use public transportation at 22.
I also realized the outside world is far nicer to me than my parents have ever been. People don't fly off the handle when I mess up, people are helpful, they smile at me and most importantly, they treat me with respect. I try to do the same.
Thank you for reading. Feel free to respond or send me a PM.

I don't think people realise for many of us just how hard it is to fit in. Our lives were/are so strange we make up stories/filler to cover our lives to prevent push back from others, or just more annoying damm questions that only embarrass us, as ordinary people have little understanding.

You have achieved your awareness of this damage at a very early age. What I can now pass on is that you will gradually feel much more comfortable going forward. You will socially start to feel more normal and by taking cues from others you may adopt a style to accelerate fitting in. If done right no one will realise you are not just like them. The "fake it until you make it thing". The damage from not having a proper mother/child model will however affect your relationships forever. Look up attachment theory, it will give you some cues. Not sure how missing that level of socialising will hurt you, my story is similar but different, my best advice is the "success is the best revenge". You are very bright, that helps a lot, and society allows very successful people to be quirky. I was a Chartered Accountant who ran his business (very successful - I have had US Wall St listed clients for last thirty years) in jeans/track pants and t-shirts for the last twenty years.

The other thing apart from your pets, I have to ask where do you find joy/escape ?

Anyway, welcome.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with similar experiences too and I'm glad that you're doing better now. I'll look up 'attachment theory', thank you for pointing me towards it.
I have developed couple of hobbies and other interests lately besides spending time with my birds. I'm heavily into video games, especially JRPGs (Pokémon helped me a lot during my dark times). I lately began exercising daily while listening to music and trying to sing along (albeit completely off-key); I spend time learning about topics that interest me, etc. I also try to teach myself Japanese in my spare time.
So I guess I'm doing fairly okay in spite of being socially awkward. Hope everything goes well for you too!

it can be very bad. Reminded me that the kids at my school gave me a derogatory nick name due to my excuses for having to go home every day straight from school. Yay. kid who is abused by his mother, gets picked on at school because of it and dumbass teachers just watch. Happy days.

But what I wanted to relate was when I was 21. I had no idea how to relate to my own age group socially. I was very old for my age, abuse can mature your brain early. I used to drive into the city and go to a bar. Same bar every week, bring a magazine to read, and sit there and drink and read at a table all by myself for around 4 + hours and simply watch how people behaved. How they stood near each other, how they laughed, put hands on back shoulders etc. smiled flirted. Just drank read and watched. Eventually I could look like I fitted in. A year or two later I started dating again and this time got more than one date from a girl (although not at first.)

The point is, it is like anything in life. If you don't know it learn about it If not good then practice it.

The funny part of this story is that the bar was packed and I was siting alone on a table for four. No one ever tried to take that table when I went back to the bar each time I needed a drink. I was a lifter in a world before Stalone or Arnold. I was watching them, but they were also watching me. (which is kind of sad really)

Hello,
are you still on this forum?