I am done

It came out in an exchange thru text that my sister has (all of these years; she's 49, I'm 47) always believed I was gravely at fault when me and my mom had it out and I finally, for the first time in my life, stood up for myself and I hit her back. She said I was beating my mom. I remember stopping her hand from beating me over and over again, and telling her if she did it again, I'd hit her right back. My sister does not see the event for what it actually was. She sees me as this evil child who was beating a helpless parent. Far from it, my mom was hitting me, slapping me, verbally putting me down any chance she could get. I could only take so much abuse before I snapped and snapped I did. It was self-defense. I want nothing to do with my sister. She can take her faulty logic with her and go to hell, for all I care! Having her in my life is not healthy for me. She has picked a side when there isn't a side to pick, but that only shows the truth of the situation. But she has, so I have too, I've picked me.

I don't need to prove to her how good a person I am, or how my life is so blessed, she doesn't count in my eyes to have any say about me. She will always see me as a bad person because in her eyes, I was a very bad daughter anyway. So, she can go on her merry way and I will live my life for me.

This event happened when I was 18 years old, I am now 47. Many years ago. Her anger and hate showed though that exchange. I have said my goodbyes and blocked her on my phone. And in my life. I am done.

Hugs....

Thanks for the hugs...

Right offhand I don't see much in this forum- have you already a thread in here talking about your mom?

And if it is any comfort, from my own experience (personal and on here) siblings are way over rated.

Sorry to see that is has come to this for you. Always seems you are being punished twice. Not fair.

(Oh and for some damm reason a sense of fairness like trust is built into our genetic DNA. We are born with it !!! One day some super scientist will fix that and as a race we will be much happier - except the a@#holes who will get what they deserve )

again sorry for you - hugs (although I am a bit of a hedgehog )

Snaga wrote:Right offhand I don't see much in this forum- have you already a thread in here talking about your mom?

I talk about her in several posts, not all of them necessarily mine, but here is one:

child-abuse/topic185779.html

-- Mon Mar 07, 2022 7:50 pm --

Terry E. wrote:And if it is any comfort, from my own experience (personal and on here) siblings are way over rated.

Sorry to see that is has come to this for you. Always seems you are being punished twice. Not fair.

(Oh and for some damm reason a sense of fairness like trust is built into our genetic DNA. We are born with it !!! One day some super scientist will fix that and as a race we will be much happier - except the a@#holes who will get what they deserve )

again sorry for you - hugs (although I am a bit of a hedgehog )

Terry, you make me smile. Lol. Thank you.

Your sister could do things that you could not, then? That's hard.

as an only child i know i could not understand fully. but i personally think you made a good choice for yourself. i think once you have lived a lot of terrible abuse, then like more than most, you have to learn to take care of yourself and sometimes that means cutting out people who say things that get in the way of that. also family members sometimes have a really hard time seeing what happens/happened. you can't really change that often (at least from what i have seen,) and you can only take care of yourself really. Maybe if she ever is willing to be more willing to listen and hear you and what happened things could change. But otherwise if you feel someone is toxic to you, or hurting you, even if it's family, friends ect, it is totally within your right to not see them.

Snaga wrote:Your sister could do things that you could not, then? That's hard.

I'm not sure what you mean here?

spinningtops wrote:as an only child i know i could not understand fully. but i personally think you made a good choice for yourself. i think once you have lived a lot of terrible abuse, then like more than most, you have to learn to take care of yourself and sometimes that means cutting out people who say things that get in the way of that. also family members sometimes have a really hard time seeing what happens/happened. you can't really change that often (at least from what i have seen,) and you can only take care of yourself really. Maybe if she ever is willing to be more willing to listen and hear you and what happened things could change. But otherwise if you feel someone is toxic to you, or hurting you, even if it's family, friends ect, it is totally within your right to not see them.

I have realized a long time ago that only very few people can empathize with me, and usually it's those who have also gone through abuse, or parents who have children and who came from abuse, as well. Thank you for saying I have made a good choice for myself. Generally, I am very sociable and chose to keep my siblings in my life, along with my own mom for many years. When it got unbearable and it affected my mental well-being was when I became proactive in protecting myself. I have Bipolar Type I and for many years I was not stable, it was very hard on me mentally and emotionally. But even without Bipolar, it is important to enjoy my life and I only have one life. So, with or without bipolar, I needed to remove people like my mom and now my sister from my life. They just happen to be family. I have had to remove toxic people from my life who were not good friends too. I have tended to trust easily and at least for me, it was not always a good thing, as I have learned in life. I have plenty of great people in my life, including family like my two brothers. Few friends, but I have appreciated life so much more now that I am older than when I was so young. My sister can't understand and I see it as impossible to get her to see what I see, because she didn't go through what I experienced with my mom. She had a much better relationship with my mom growing up and she and I were always at each other's throats, almost literally. We fought a lot. We didn't like each other as young teens. She is unable to understand and I have moved on. It doesn't bother me anymore that she doesn't understand. I am not phased by this anymore. I am ok with her being unable to comprehend what I went though. So, it's not so hard not to have her in my life.