My mother was a narcissist and my father an enabler

This is my first time posting here.

I'm now 46 years old and still reassure myself every day in order to know that I'm not crazy- because my entire childhood whenever I tried to communicate about the things that were hurting me I was treated as crazy. And unfortunately that effort to protect myself- that effort to reassure myself- actually made me crazy. It is a curse to constantly have to reassure myself that I'm not making things up or making too much of things. So if anyone has insight on letting these thoughts go I would appreciate them.

The biggest problem for me was how my mother treated food. She really broke me using food. That was my experience of childhood- every day feeling like my mother was trying to break me. She was a terrible cook- which I would not have had a problem with. She could have been a terrible cook and I would have never said anything. She could have ordered in food or just not made me eat it. But I was forced to eat until my plate passed "inspection". Mostly I remember vegetables cooked until they were a rotten glop- particularly spinach. And I would sit at the table across from my mother- not allowed to leave the table or do anything else until I choked it down. It was horrible. And I told her. I told her many times. And instead of caring she turned into a stern, angry wall that would not let any information in. And she just cracked down harder and made more rules. And made rules about what I was allowed to say. And there was nothing I could do or say to change things. And all the time acted like that there was no problem at all in the household. It was a really nasty combination of tactics- hurting me, doing more of it when I said something, and acting like there was no problem at all. The acting like it wasn't even happening is what has caused me so madness. Because I would go to bed each night reassuring myself I wasn't crazy. And it's a habit I just can't let go of.

Andy welcome, hope you can find some stuff here.

My mother was a good cook but a very lazy person. So nutrition was a problem for me and my brother as well. She was also physically very sadistic and brutal so it was one of many problems from a very sick person.

I don't know what I can say to help you? I think moving on takes time. I was angry for a long time, now that has changed.

Do you have issues today about food ??

Are you still in contact ??

I definitely still have issues around food. I eat the same meals every day (sandwich for breakfast, burrito for lunch, pizza for dinner) and have to read while I eat so I don't think about eating.

I have about four years of no-contact with my mother. Despite that I have a lot of reoccurring thoughts where I try to explain to myself that I'm not crazy related to those events. Having your parents treat you as crazy really messes with your head.

You need better nutrition than that. Short term no, but longer term for sure.

I have had numerous issues and one thing I mentally keep reminding myself of is "don't let her win".

I have tried to change all my negative self damaging behaviors, as if I don't then she is still winning.

Takes time, but try and look for change.

Yes, it can feel like a war for your sanity. My abuser never understood that their are some “battles” that they aren’t supposed to win. They shouldn’t even be battles. I was just sticking up for my boundaries and that enraged her.
I do think talking with other people like we were doing here is one of the best defenses for your sanity.

I was abused as a child by my mother verbally and a bit physically. My father was working all of the time and was not involved. The abuse subsided as I got older and I forgave my mother.