Trauma I can't remember/am unsure of

Just a warning this goes a bit into explanation on memories and sexual abuse things.

Hi all!

So I've recently come to terms with the fact I had abuse in my past. For a while I thought it was physical and emotional, I had a couple of strange experiences that make me really question otherwise.

One was realizing I have a system, undiagnosed currently but definitely multiple personalities/alters up in there. I became aware they have many memories I do not. For years I've actually suspected that this was possible, that I had these memories somewhere in my head and that there's more to the story than what I remember.

The other thing was a bit ago, maybe 1-2 months ago. I was talking very casually on the phone with a close person, and suddenly got really anxious and dissociated. I suddenly felt like someone was grabbing my arms and holding them down and got this really awful image of being sexually assaulted by (possibly) someone I know. It triggered so much in me, I would've just written it off as anxiety but I broke down completely sobbing and begging the thoughts to stop.

I know it wasn't the person on the phone, by the way, who triggered me (definitely not). I brought this up with my psychiatrist a few days after it happened and my mother the night of. I don't think either of them believe me and write it off as a psychotic delusional thing or something. I'm so sure this is different.

I also think they don't want to believe me. If it was the person I thought it was (which I doubt and hope so much it's not) then it affects and changes my whole life at this point. My psych was no help. Heck, even if it's not them, what else had happened to me I'm not able to address and come to terms with? It really scares me.

Right now I just really need to know, has anyone else had things like this? Repressed memory issues? Should I bring this up in the DID forum? And what route, if anyone knows, would be a good one to take? I'm currently in group therapy and did bring it up there personally with a therapist. I guess that's a good step, I just really need some guidance.

Thanks so much <3 - Evan

That sounds like a flashback, and it's a common occurrence for people with DID/OSDD. I think you can trust the physical sensations as being a true part of the memory, but sometimes images aren't literal.

What's most important are the feelings, and helping the part who is holding that trauma. Letting them know that you'll take care of them and that things are safe now. At some point it will be useful to understand what triggered that, so you're not taken as much by surprise, and it can help to learn grounding skills so you can manage flashbacks when they come up.

It's important to try to find a therapist who is experienced with dissociative disorders and can help you with this.

The DID forum is very active, and can provide a lot of support, advice, and information.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:That sounds like a flashback, and it's a common occurrence for people with DID/OSDD. I think you can trust the physical sensations as being a true part of the memory, but sometimes images aren't literal.

What's most important are the feelings, and helping the part who is holding that trauma. Letting them know that you'll take care of them and that things are safe now. At some point it will be useful to understand what triggered that, so you're not taken as much by surprise, and it can help to learn grounding skills so you can manage flashbacks when they come up.

It's important to try to find a therapist who is experienced with dissociative disorders and can help you with this.

The DID forum is very active, and can provide a lot of support, advice, and information.

Thank you for your reply! I'll have to ask about this on the DID forum. I'll also be in search of a therapist who specializes in those things. Thank you again <3