I don't think I could've seen anything this graphic on TV. I really don't wanna describe it but I think it's too much even for adult TV especially in the 80/90s, and I'm sure I had no access to any adult channels or other materials at all anyway.
@TheGangsAllHere
My parents were abusive but definitely not sexually abusive and they were overall protective at that time in my life, as the gross neglect really worsened later when I turned 11-12 (although my mom did threaten with knives when I was 4-5). That I'm sure of. But I'm wondering if I was drugged at school or something, because the dreams had a weird quality that feels like being on drugs where everything is super vivid, colorful and mesmerizing, much more so than normal dreams.
I remember it being mixed up with elements that appeal to children, such as ice cream, which increases my fear that some predators lured me and drugged me or something like that.
I have no access to a specialist therapist unfortunately. There's very little to go on but I remember having those dreams very distinctly, and numerous times. Come to think of it I might have been younger than 6. I had no physical symptoms whatsoever that I can recall.
But really no specific incident comes to mind at all. I normally have exceptional long term recall. I'm able to remember specific details of when I was 9 months old which surprised my mom ("wow, you can remember that?!").
They stopped when I was around 9 I think.
Very strangely when I had those dreams I came out of them knowing some nonsense word, which was apparently the group name of the adults in the dreams. I'm afraid to write it out but it's a nonsense word with no meaning as far as I can tell. At the time I once woke up and asked my mom what that was, and she had no idea, as it's a true nonsense word.
Thanks for helping me with this.