Dominoes still keep falling

Quiet - thanks.
Did you ever work out why your mother did what she did. In my case she was a narcissistic sadist - at her worst but at her best she could not help but try and wreck our lives. I was talking to a friend yesterday when this came to mind. My brother performed badly in his final year of school and repeated - 6 TIMES.
It had a dual purpose. One it drained my fathers finances as he was not cheap to keep, he broke cars, big toys that she convinced my father he had to have, had very bad arguments, lots of broken things, lots of physical confrontation, but she insisted this was for him, to be who he really was, he was so brilliant, he should not have a mundane life. The thing was though after studying all year, she would wind him up on of the morning of one his exams, usually a crucial one, he would explode, many things broken much screaming etc. he would go off head full of cortisol and bomb. She would blame it on him not getting enough support from his father when he was 5, or 7 or 10 etc and guilt my father into backing him for just one more year.

he eventually worked it out, which for her did not go well - which is a story for another time.

The thing was she broke my brother and tried to break me so she could say - to her husband, look what you have done - she hated my father so much, I don't know how someone can hate someone so much who never did anything but try and be nice to her. I don't know how my grandparents could keep sending us back to her knowing she hated our father so much. How can someone love their children when they hate who their father was more than life itself.

So I was wondering if there had been another agenda with your mum. Jealousy ? Anger at her missed opportunities ?

I also have to say, for people who have not lived your life they will never know how much guts it took to walk out that door, and how strong you are. That you took all that crap and still turned out to be the person you are is so very hard. Average person luckily will never know. Maybe if they did the world would be a more compassionate place.

Terry, my mom is also a narcissistic sadist.

She hated the fact that I kept in touch with my dad even when he was in prison and I had wanted to move with him while he was married before he went to prison. For a short time, when he first went to prison, I told him how bad she was treating me, so he asked her not to to treat me like that. She turned on me and hell broke loose. She was angry at me and at my dad and stopped talking to him, then she blamed me for ruining their chances at being together as a couple. Jealousy of me too, I excelled in school. She would make fun of me and call me a nun because I tried to be religious and close to God. (I was trying to get God to change her or something that's why I kept praying back then.) Calling me a nun was a put down. Called me a hypocrite in trying to be religious because in her eyes, I was just a bad kid. She was like this big bully to me. All during this time, she took out her anger and frustrations on me. I guess I seemed an easy target. I didn't talk back. I would answer her, but she would insult me and I'd be slapped as punishment for SOMETHING. She was slapping a 17 or 18 year old and she never laid hands on my sister or brothers all during this time. Then too, it was never enough. No matter how much I cleaned, cooked, ran errands, did everything you could think of to make her treat me right, it wasn't enough. Resented me. She did have missed opportunities like she only went to the 6th grade (12 or 13 year old) and got pregnant at age 14. Other things went on in that household that only add to the story, but I won't go into all of that.

I was kicked out several times only to have her force me back with the threat that she would turn the adult who housed me to the cops since I wasn't 18 yet. Once I turned 18 and finished high school, I was outta there as fast as I could leave. I have never looked back. (BTW, my mother kicked me out of the house a few hours before I was due to attend the school graduation. I walked to the ceremony. No one from my family attended. It was like the saddest day for me.) I was being punished like this. She doesn't deserve me. She doesn't deserve a good daughter like me.

I worked to provide for myself and I am here to say I am safe, I'm ok.

quietgirl2538 wrote:
(BTW, my mother kicked me out of the house a few hours before I was due to attend the school graduation. I walked to the ceremony. No one from my family attended. It was like the saddest day for me.) I was being punished like this.

It takes a special person to plan something like that -

She doesn't deserve me. She doesn't deserve a good daughter like me.

she never deserved you, they never do and that is what has also burned me for a long time, I guess that is something so many of us have here in common

I worked to provide for myself and I am here to say I am safe, I'm ok.